Truth, Lies, and Sirius Black
by GOLD fish 945
Summary: As Remus' life crumbles around him and everything changes for the worse, there are a few constants in his life - chronic illness, his best friend Lily, and his feelings for one man who ruined his life with lies - Sirius Black. NonMagic AU. RLSB. JPLE.
1. Chapter 1

Truth, Lies and Sirius Black

By Goldfish

Remus Lupin was a young man of about eighteen; a simple young man with sandy brown hair, amber eyes, and simple dreams, like getting a nice job, supporting a family maybe, keeping in touch with his friends from High School, and – above all else – have an absolutely wonderfully fun life.

The second to last stipulation was not too hard to do. As a bit of a loner in High School, he only had one close friend. Lily Evans, contrary to Remus Lupin, was outgoing, a bit quick-tempered, and enjoyed arguing and confrontation as recreational activities. Her flaming red hair was often mirrored in her cheeks as she argued with Remus about nothing important in particular, like the color of the sky and what the newspaper title was.

Quiet, shy, non-confrontational Remus enjoyed the opposition between himself and Lily. He hoped that maybe she would help him out of his shell at University. He _wanted_ to have friends, he was just socially awkward. He had trouble conversing with strangers, and didn't like to talk about himself, which made it rather difficult to make acquaintances. Questions like, "What is your favorite color, Remus?" were met with much mumbling and a severe lack of eye contact. Sometimes Lily suggested that he was a bit mentally impaired. Sometimes Remus thought she was right.

Luckily for Remus, he and Lily were attending the same University, were in the same dorm, and – for the moment – majoring similarly. Lily was wildly enthused at the idea of having a roommate. Remus, for his part, just hoped that this roommate would be able to out up with his nitpicks. He liked _folded_ clothes, thank you very much.

So, on the first day, as Lily and Remus' parents waved goodbye and drove away, Lily leaned over and whispered to him, "Now the _real_ fun begins."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I heard there's a freshman party tonight," she said. Remus raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Not one of _those_ parties," she said, exasperated. "It's organized by the school. All the freshmen are supposed to go. " Remus sighed. There was no getting out of this. Lily would never let him.

"You're going to make me go, aren't you?" She grinned.

"It's like you know me," she said, grabbing his hand and pulling him into their dorm.

-

Three weeks at University, and Remus was still _that kid_. The kid he'd been in high school. The one who had one friend, and she dragged him along to places where he didn't fit in and stood in a corner awkwardly by himself. He could see the other students glancing at him and laughing, and he felt a ripple of annoyance. Why wouldn't they try to talk to _him_ maybe?

He had spent all three Fridays at University so far in darkened rooms filled with semi-drunk people who wanted to get a little drunker and have unprotected sex with whoever would take them. He found it a bit… trashy. But Lily, sober as he was, had a fantastic time at every single one of these parties. When they walked back to their dorm, she gleefully told him about all the wonderful people she'd met that night. It irritated him to no end.

Finally, on the fourth Friday, Remus insisted that he had a mountain of homework to do, and he wanted Lily to go without him. She had looked deeply disappointed, but he told her that he would make it up to her. He spent the night in his room with his roommate, Peter Pettigrew, who seemed like a decent enough fellow, despite his rather sloppy way of keeping his things.

Remus was surprised to find that he didn't actually mind a bit of a lived-in place, with some clothes strewn about and books stacked in a disorderly manner. He and Peter got along splendidly, and the fourth Friday of Remus' University life was, without a doubt, the best of the year thus far.

On Saturday morning, Lily knocked loudly on their door, far too early.

"Remus!" she called, and he jerked upward and fell off of his bed.

"Argh!" he said, and Peter sat straight up and shouted, "WHAT?"

"Nothing," moaned Remus, gingerly picking himself up off the floor. "It's just Lily at the door." Peter groaned and fell back onto his pillows.

"She's a bit crazy, you know, mate," he said, and Remus chuckled.

"Yeah, I know. But we've been friends for ages," he said, and hobbled over to the door and opened it. Lily was grinning from ear to ear. "Yes?" he asked.

"Well, I was a bit angry at you last night," she said.

"You don't look like it," he pointed out. She shook her head and put a hand out to stop him.

"I know," she said. "Let me finish." He nodded and gestured for her to continue. "Okay, I was angry because I wanted you to meet this guy I've been sort of seeing on a regular basis at parties. He's a bit arrogant, but he's funny and sweet. He hadn't asked me on a date as of last night, but this morning around one-thirty, he _did_!" She squealed and jumped up and down, clapping her hands together. Remus couldn't help but give her an incredulous look.

"You woke me up at – " he checked the clock – "eight-oh-nine to tell me this?" She sighed.

"Of course, Remus! We're going to lunch, the four of us!"

"Four? Do you mean Pete? Because I don't think he's getting up again until after noon."

"No, Remus! Me, you, James, and one of James' friends!" Lily gave Remus a look as though he were ridiculously thick.

"Ah," he said. "Well, when is lunch?"

"Noon sharp! I'll be at your door at eleven-thirty to make sure you're ready!" She grinned. Remus hadn't seen her this happy in a long time, and he couldn't help but like this James fellow already.

"Well, thanks, but I'm going to go back to sleep now," he said, and made to close the door.

"I'll call you at ten-thirty!" she said as the door shut in her face. "TO MAKE SURE YOU HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO SHOWER!" Remus sighed. Lily was far too exuberant in the morning. Peter let him know as much, as he lay down and tried to get another two hours or so of sleep, which failed miserably.

-

At ten thirty, Remus' cell phone went off with a piercing cry, just as Remus was beginning to fall back asleep. He groaned, and got up, reaching for his phone.

"Yeah?" he said.

"Gotta get up now!" she crooned. "Shower, brush your teeth! This matters a lot to me, so I know my best friend in the whole wide world won't mess this up for me!" Remus groaned at her guilt trip.

"I know, I know," he said, throwing his legs off the edge of his bed. "I'm up. I'll meet you in the lobby at eleven-thirty."

"Yay!" she said. "See you then!" There was a click, and Remus knew she had hung up. He snapped his own phone shut, and yawned hugely. He was meeting Lily's new boyfriend and some friend of his. This was sure to be a very awkward lunch. He knew he would have to look his best though, otherwise Lily would tear him apart for it later.

He spent his hour showering, brushing his teeth, and dressing impeccably. There was no way Lily could be embarrassed by him. He smiled as he thought of how proud she would be of him as he entered the lobby at exactly eleven-thirty.

The look on her face wiped the smile off of his.

"Oh no," she moaned. "Hurry, we have to get back upstairs and change your outfit, it looks ridiculous." Remus looked down at himself. He was wearing a striped navy and white polo and brown plaid pants, with brown sandals.

"What?"

Lily groaned, and pulled him at a run back up the stairs. She quickly threw a bright red polo at him instead and ripped the other shirt up off his head.

"Lily!" he gasped, very uncomfortable. He had a very prominent scar on his shoulder, where a large animal had bitten him at a very young age.

"I've seen it before, Remus," she said, pulling the red shirt out of his hands and trying to put it over his head.

"I can do it myself!" He flailed at her hands, trying to push them away. He grabbed the shirt and put it over his head properly, and grabbed his comb to fix his hair, but she grabbed his wrist.

"Nope, looks better messy," she said, and pulled him back down the steps. "Great. We are so going to be late and James is going to think something ridiculous, and it's all go to hell…"

"It'll be fine," said Remus. "Just tell him that I had trouble getting dressed by myself."

"Are you completely retarded?"

"What?"

"Don't you know what that sounds like?" she said, obviously annoyed, and Remus could sense an argument coming. "It sounds like I'm loose! That I have sex with a bunch of guys at once! Do _you_ think I'm like that, Remus, huh? Because _I _was under the impression that _we are friends_, and don't think so lowly of each other! I certainly don't think anything disgustingly trashy like that about _you!_" Her voice escalated to a shout, but Remus ignored it. He knew she was just being Lily. People began to stare at the red-faced, redheaded girl pulling along a docile-looking young man, and shouting herself hoarse at him, while he had a content smile on his face.

It was just like high school, and he felt a bit more comfortable with the situation when she yelled at him.

Finally, she took a deep breath and let go of his arm.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm just projecting my nerves onto you, and I don't mean to." Remus knew Lily had been to anger management several times, and, at last, had learned how to notice when she was being rather ridiculous.

"It's alright," he assured her. She nodded, and took another deep breath. "Okay, the place is right over there. How do I look?"

Now that the red was fading from her cheeks, she looked much better.

"You look great," he said, grinning. "Now come on, let's meet these guys." Lily grinned. She didn't stop to check her appearance in a passed reflecting door. She knew Remus would tell her the absolute truth, no matter what.

Remus simply followed her as she walked with purpose to a small table in the sun with a large umbrella over it, with two black-haired boys beneath it, grinning. Lily waved, and the black haired boy on the left, with glasses, waved back.

"Remus," said Lily, as they approached the table, "this is James Potter." James held out a hand to him, and Remus gripped it firmly and smiled at him.

"Nice to meet you," he said. "Remus Lupin." James Potter nodded.

"This is, ah, my friend, Sirius Black," said James, gesturing to the other black haired boy with him. Remus looked at this boy for the first time, and he felt his heart stop.

Sirius Black was one of the many people he'd seen laughing at him at parties. He'd only glanced over him and those others then, but as Remus looked at him, he wasn't sure how he'd ever managed to look over this boy.

He was, without a doubt, the most attractive human being Remus had _ever_ seen.

His hair was long for a boy, but not _long_. It felt perfectly into his eyes, which were a grey, and glinted with mischief. His smile revealed white teeth. All of his features were perfect and angular. The only flaw this boy seemed to have, was the remains of a black eye over his right eye.

"Hey," said Sirius, without reaching out a hand.

"Hi," responded Remus after a moment. Lily hadn't noticed this, luckily for Remus. She had already begun talking to James, until she noticed Remus still standing.

"Remus, sit down!" she said, kicking a chair out for him. He did not reply, but sat almost obediently. He noticed Sirius Black smirk at James, but James did not notice. He was too busy talking to Lily.

Throughout lunch, both Lily and James tried to bring Remus and Sirius into the conversation, but all attempts were futile. Remus tried, for Lily's sake, but the looks that Sirius kept giving him made him feel very uncomfortable, like Sirius was analyzing him where he sat.

Somehow, Lily managed not to notice the elephant in the room. She and Remus left lunch, and she was chattering away about how wonderful the first meeting of friends had been.

"And you and Sirius seemed to get along great!" she said cheerfully. Remus turned to stare at her.

"What planet were you on?" he asked, confounded. "Sirius Black and I didn't exchange words except for polite hellos. He kept giving me this… creepy look, like he was judging me." Lily just laughed.

"James said Sirius does that. He's a bit strange, but James promised me that he's a nice guy."

"Has he done that to you?"

"Worse, really. James says it's worse when he talks to you at first, because that means he doesn't trust you. If he's quiet, it means he wants to get to know you."

"Well, that approach won't get him very far," grumbled Remus. "I know I never want to be stuck in the same room with him again."

"Well, you are, because you're making up for missing last night tonight. James' dorm is throwing a party, and I told him we would _both_ come." Remus suppressed a groan.

A part of him _did_ want to see Sirius Black again. The reason was painfully obvious. The boy was bloody gorgeous, perfect in every respect but manners. He was the ultimate eye candy, arm candy, whatever you wanted to call it. A part of him was _very _glad that James and Lily were going to be going out, and inviting both of them to functions. That gave Remus his chance to be around, and basically ogle, the most attractive young man he'd ever seen. He felt butterflies flit around in his stomach.

Perhaps Sirius Black would grow on him.

-

_A/N: This is the non-magic A.U. I was talking about at the end of _Nameless_. So, what do you think? Intrigued? I hope so, because this is the first chaptered fic I've tried in a really long-ass time. Don't worry, there's an outline, so I'm not just making it all up as I go. Constructive criticism is welcome! Flames are NOT. Also, this is (eh heh...) a first draft. (Honestly, most of my crap is.) So, if there are spelling or grammar mishaps, please let me know, and I will try to fix them in a timely manner! I just hope it's all understandable. So, reviews persnaps? :P_


	2. Chapter 2

Truth, Lies, and Sirius Black

Chapter Two

Lily ended up redressing Remus for the party that night. She told him that he was never to suggest wearing the same thing to a party that he had worn all day to her ever again, or she would be forced to do an innumerable amount of horrific and painful things to him. So, he entered the party in a black t-shirt, a black collared shirt, jeans, and his ever-present brown sandals. (Lily had been unable to pry them off his feet, despite continuous insistence of their non-matchingness.)

They were barely a foot in the door when James descended, pulling Lily (who pulled Remus) into a smaller room to the right that did not have an ear shattering, blasting stereo system. Grateful for the quieter atmosphere, Remus shot a 'thanks' at James and made to sit down. He was halfway seated, onto a very comfortable looking sofa, when he noticed that if he sat, he would end up mere inches from Sirius Black. Unfortunately, he had to continue and sit, unless he wanted to look like a royal douchebag. Fortunately, Sirius did not seem to care when Remus did sit. He continued to stare forward, and, of course, said nothing.

As James and Lily ignored everything else in the room, Sirius did not even offer a polite 'hello' this time to Remus. Remus did not particularly care, but found it a bit odd. Had he been polite at lunch for James' sake? Or had he completed his judgments from earlier in the day, and previous sightings of Remus, to the point where he refused to even give Remus the time of day? Both scenarios pricked at Remus' nerves.

After five whole minutes of watching James and Lily flirt, Remus chanced a glance at Sirius. He was staring off into space, his eyes glazed over. Remus looked back at James and Lily, who were obviously in their own little world, giggling and flirting in a way that made Remus feel like retching. It was far too… _cute_.

"Revolting."

Remus jumped. Sirius had spoken?

"What?" he asked stupidly. Sirius turned to look at Remus and spoke again.

"Them," he said, jerking his head at James and Lily, who were now taking another five minutes to hold hands. "They're stomach turning." Privately, Remus agreed, but Sirius' sudden and negative speech made him spine tighten and his hands ball themselves into defensive fists.

"It's cute," he said shortly. There was no way that Sirius would believe him from his tone. As expected, Sirius snorted.

"Convincing," he said sarcastically. Remus said nothing.

The silence lengthened, and Remus had no intention of breaking it. If Sirius Black wanted to talk to him, he could. Remus would respond. _Politely_. But that was all. There was obviously no reason whatsoever to try to engage this blockhead in conversation. It would only end in Remus going home and venting all of this to his obviously apathetic roommate, Peter. Remus had no reason at all to trust Sirius Black.

"Look," said Sirius, after another moment, "I know you think I'm just purposefully being an arse right now, and you'd be correct. I am." Remus turned to look at him, incredulous.

"Well, that really makes me want to get to know you!" he exclaimed. "Who _wouldn't_ want to be friends with somebody who goes out of their way to be an arse?"

"I have reasons to be this way," said Sirius. Remus saw in his eyes that Sirius believed in himself. "They aren't stupid reasons, and I don't care if you think badly of me because you don't understand. My way of doing things won't be changed because of you, or any girlfriend of his." Sirius jerked his head at Lily again. He was wearing a mask, hiding all emotion, expect for in his grey eyes, which shone with something Remus could not quite understand. It spoke of aging beyond years, experience with tragedy and sorrow, something Remus had never been subjected to.

"Well, you could give me an example," said Remus. "I could make some deductions from there." He was taking too many Lab Sciences. He was using the scientific method to try to understand a classmate.

_Shows how impossible he is,_ thought Remus, still thoroughly annoyed. Sirius just smirked.

"No," he said. "I have no reason to trust you with my secrets."

"You don't even know me!" exclaimed Remus angrily.

"Exactly," said Sirius. "So maybe once I know you a little better, I'll explain. But – " his eyes narrowed in a warning " – I don't trust easily."

Remus and Sirius glared at each other. (Lily and James, for their part, noticed nothing.) Remus stared determinedly into Sirius' grey eyes, which stared back with flat confidence. Remus would not back down. He felt the rise of something primal in the back of his mind as he glared into Sirius' eyes, but as quickly as it was there, the feeling was gone.

Sirius' eyes were mesmerizing. After a few moments, Remus' anger ebbed away, and sheer amazement took its place. His focus changed from Sirius' personality, which was repelling at best, to his appearance, which was breathtaking, heart stopping, mind blowing, world ending –

And then Remus noticed Sirius' expression. It was between knowing and pity, with a side dish of a smirk. Annoyed again, Remus wrenched his gaze away, and he could feel himself blushing. He hoped Sirius could not see it in the darkened room.

"Hey, Sirius, Remus," said James, standing with Lily. "We're going to go for a walk. Thinking about getting some ice cream. Want to come?"

Remus stood immediately. It had nothing to do with the ice cream incentive. He just wanted to be as far from Sirius Black as possible, with his bizarre antagonism and disgustingly enticing looks. Unfortunately for Remus, Sirius also stood, slowly and languidly, stretching a bit, so that the hem of his shirt reached above the top of his jeans, leaving a deliciously visible section of Sirius' toned stomach.

But then something much more startling happened, and Remus ended up slack-jawed and staring. Sirius gave James a grin that looked so very genuine that Remus could not doubt its sincerity. Sirius respected James, possibly over everyone he knew.

Respect was something Remus, himself, respected. Mutual respect often ended up in Remus respecting the other as well, and felt yet another stab of annoyance. He didn't _want_ to respect this stupid, puffed up, arrogant jerk, but he could feel the beginnings of the emotion seeping into his mind.

If James was a good guy, which he seemed to be, then other good guys would flock to him. Though Remus had very little knowledge of James, he knew Lily very well. And Lily was not the type of person to settle on _anything_. He trusted Lily's judgment in men, so he looked at James, not with suspicion or attempted dominance, as some male best friends would, but with respect and interest. If Lily enjoyed his time, then James was most likely a pleasant person to be around. And if someone pleasant like James found someone like Sirius pleasant to be around, well that must mean –

_No,_ Remus thought. Sirius had not shown a shred of humility or kindness, and Remus had no interest in getting to know him. He absolutely refused. There was no way it was ever going to happen.

-

Remus had been wrong about many things before, but this took the cake. Just three days ago, he had promised himself, while licking a strawberry ice cream cone, the he would not give Sirius Black the time of day, as he'd had two chances to impress Remus, and had failed miserably.

Unfortunately, because James and Lily were still in the awkward transition phase of their relationship, Sirius and Remus were almost a constant presence. They were practically double dating, because though Sirius and Remus were present, James and Lily were far too absorbed in 'getting to know each other' to pay any mind to their so-called best friends.

Remus, for his part, had resisted throttling Sirius _and_ Lily several times. Sirius, for his part, had changed very little. But despite the lack in change, Remus ended up forced to get to know him better. The alternative was sitting quietly and watching Lily and James get closer, emotionally and physically.

So, Sirius and Remus began conversing.

They talked about the weather. (Sirius liked hot, sunny days, which were rare in England. Especially in October.) They talked about classes. (Sirius was majoring in music.)

They also began a conversation about family, which Remus had thought was insignificant, unimportant, just like their other conversations, but he received a shock.

"So, what about your family?" asked Remus, slightly bored. The most interesting thing in their conversation was watching Sirius' mouth move. Followed by watching grass grow and paint dry. They were sitting at yet another café, waiting for James and Lily to order their coffee, lounging in the chairs.

"I don't talk about my family," said Sirius harshly, suddenly sitting straight in his chair. "Ever."

Intrigued, Remus sat straighter as well. "Why?"

"Because it's personal," said Sirius, a dangerous glint in his eye. "And from what I can tell, all we've been talking about are things that are stupid. Time killers. My family is not a time killer conversation, and I don't talk about it with people I don't know."

"You know me," said Remus, internally wishing he didn't. The boy's looks were fantastic, but his personality was like sandpaper against skin. Irritating, uncomfortable, and preferably avoided at all costs.

In response, Sirius raised his eyebrow skeptically. "You haven't told me anything to make me think I know anything significant about you." And just like that, Remus was on the defensive again. It seemed like arguing was where Remus belonged with Sirius. He found it both strange and uncharacteristic. But no one could get under his skin the way Sirius Black could, after only a few days.

"So I need to open up to you before you would even tell me something as stupid as your middle name or something?"

"Orion," said Sirius immediately.

"John," said Remus back.

"Remus _John_?" asked Sirius. "That seems contradictory. 'Remus' is an uncommon name, whereas 'John' is the epitome of common, boring names."

"It's my father's name," snarled Remus.

"Orion is my father's name as well," said Sirius.

"And look at that, we're back to family," said Remus, glaring.

"And funny, I'm still not going to tell you about it," said Sirius, his eyes narrowing, his mouth falling into a frown. "Why do you even care?"

"Because if I'm going to be _stuck_ with you because Lily drags me along, and James drags you along, I'd like to at least know something about you," said Remus. "Or know that there's a possibility for interesting conversation. Thus far, neither is happening."

"James doesn't drag me along," said Sirius. "I ask him if you're going when he invites me. If you're coming, I tag along after James." Remus sat there, dumbfounded.

"Why?" he asked, thunderstruck.

"Because it takes me a while to get to know people," he said.

"Can't imagine why," said Remus snidely.

"There's a reason," said Sirius. Remus noticed this every time he and Sirius argued. Sirius made excuses, there was a _reason_ he was so confrontational and rude. There was a _reason_ that he made an effort to put Remus in a bad mood. And Remus, finally, had had enough of it.

"Well, unless you give me a _reason_ soon, I'm not going to put up with your shit," he said, standing up and knocking his own coffee over. "Not even for Lily. She may be my best friend, but I won't make myself miserable for her." Sirius sat, unmoving as Remus hurried to clean up his coffee before it fell onto his messenger bag filled with textbooks, notebooks, pens, and white out. Once the coffee was clean, Remus bent down and picked up his bag.

"Remus?" He turned to see Lily, James behind her, looking at him with a surprised look. "Did you spill your coffee?"

"Yeah," he said. "And I have to go. I'm sorry, Lily, James. But I really need to get a head start on the reading for the next Physics class, or I'll be completely confused. Bye."

Without waiting for a reply from anyone, he turned and left the café. He made it across the street and nearly to the third building along the sidewalk before he felt a tap on his shoulder and heard labored breathing behind him. He turned, and saw, with immense surprise, Sirius standing behind him, gasping for air.

"What?" asked Remus.

"Let me – walk – you to – your dorm," he choked out. Startled, Remus agreed, and began to walk at a brisk pace. He was challenging Sirius now, as he had in the café.

He found that every time he walked away from Sirius Black, he had a hope for the boy. But this time, for the first time, Sirius was meeting his hopes and expectations. He shuffled along behind Remus until his breathing returned to normal, and once it had, he drew himself up, walking along and matching Remus' pace.

When they reached his dorm, Remus stopped at the door, one hand on the handle.

"Well?" he asked. It was obvious that Sirius wanted to _say_ something, but he seemed to be the least articulate person Remus had ever met.

"You're kind of right," Sirius burst out. "I probably shouldn't expect other people to open up to me first, because that's rather hypocritical, and that's something I've been trying to avoid for two years. Ever since…" He paused, and Remus froze. Sirius was about to tell him his stupid, god damned _reason_.

_About time,_ thought Remus.

"Ever since my parents disowned me," Sirius finished.

Remus felt as though he had been punched in the gut with a hand holding a block of ice. He could feel the horror spilling onto his features.

"D-Disowned?" he repeated, horror-struck. "Wha… Why? Why would they do that?"

"They're a very old family, and they used to be powerful, politically," said Sirius, taking a deep breath. "They want both my brother and I to marry into one of the 'acceptable families,' and make more pure Black babies to carry on the legacy. They believe all sorts of rubbish about immigrants, that they're less than human because they aren't British. They've tried to push legislature to forbid traveling in or out of the country. And because I don't think that things like that are important, that an American or a Spaniard or a… a Japanese guy are people just like all of the English, they disowned me, disinherited me, and burned my name off the family tree tapestry in their drawing room."

Remus stared. He had so many questions. His curious side was bubbling, itching to spill over each question and determined to shine a light over all of the dark corners of Sirius' life. But he restrained himself.

Sirius was looking at him pleadingly. "Do you understand why I have problems trusting people easily?" he asked, his voice sounding desperate for acceptance. Jerkily, Remus nodded.

"I do," he said. "I just wish I could tell you something that… big, so you know you can trust me." Sirius let out a breath, and smiled. Remus noted that it was one similar to the grin he'd given James at the party before. It was genuine, and filled with respect.

"Hey, well, when people drop bombshells like that, it's hard to retaliate. I've used it once or twice in a one-upping contest with James. I always win." Sirius smiled at Remus fully now, his white teeth flashing. "If you remember something else later, let me know. I _would_ like to know about your life, too."

Hand shaking, Remus opened the door to the dorm and allowed Sirius to walk in ahead of him. Together, they ascended the steps to Remus' room, and Remus found that Sirius was just as abysmal at Physics as he was.

-

_Author's Note: Yeah, chapters probably will not come this fast all the time, but I'm on the initial kick right now, so there might be another two or so this week. I thought about elongating the whole Sirius Is A Total Douche thing, but I like cute, funny Sirius better than annoying, bitchy Sirius better, so yeah… The Cute Part, Part One is starting soon. :D I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter! (WATCH GLEE.)_

_Reviews: My dearest __**Prongsie**__, you know how I luh you girl. :D I'm glad you like. Hopefully you'll love once the story really gets goin'. __**Delia**__, thanks a ton for your review, I liked your opinions on the characterization and stuff. :D Keep reading maybe plz? __**Fizzy-Flo**__, well, here's some more for ya! __**Sevachi**__, they really are perfect. That's why I loves them and writes about them! __**MischiefInProgress**__, I got a couple characterization notes, apparently amusingly douche-y Sirius is a good thing. Well, no longer, sorry. :P Hope you enjoy this, though!_

_Next chap, coming up soon! Reviews plz? :D_


	3. Chapter 3

Truth, Lies, and Sirius Black

Chapter 3

Over the next few weeks, into mid-November, Remus didn't mind getting stuck talking to Sirius Black, while Lily and James ignored all else, anywhere near as much as he thought he would. Not to say, of course, that the black-haired boy was no longer utterly infuriating, because he most certainly was.

After his confession about his family, he had transformed from a silent, stoic jerk into a chatterbox with a bundle of energy and a knack for being incredibly annoying. His personality had changed so drastically, that sometimes Remus didn't even recognize him. He wondered if it was natural.

"And after we do _that_, we should go get some ice cream. It doesn't matter that it's cold outside, it still tastes good. And you know there's a party in the Hall Dorm tonight? I was thinking about going, but I don't want to go if you and James aren't going, and – "

"SIRIUS!" shouted Remus, who, at this point, was laying facedown on his bed, using his Physics book as a pillow, and his actual pillow covering his head, trying to block out Sirius' incessant chatter.

"_Yeees?_" Remus could hear the mischievous grin in Sirius' voice.

"I'm trying to study."

"Funny, I'm trying to distract you."

"Well, it's working!" said Remus, exasperated.

"Excellent!" said Sirius happily. Remus sighed, frustrated. A month ago, he would have been completely nonplussed if Sirius had talked this much. Now he couldn't get him to shut up. Plus, Remus was very close to failing in his opinion, with an 87% in Physics and an 89% in History. His parents would not be happy with those grades, and neither was he. He knew Sirius found it completely ridiculous, but he didn't care. His parents would, without a doubt, absolutely freak out if he came home with a B.

Unfortunately, as Remus sat up quickly and flung his pillow at Sirius, he knew he wasn't going to get much studying done today.

Sirius squeaked, as the unexpected pillow hit him in the face. He pulled it away, his usually composed face red with surprise; the expression on Sirius' face made Remus instantly regret what he had done.

Sirius pounced.

He jumped onto Remus' bed and began tickling him, and Remus shrieked with a combination of surprise, laughter, and pain. Remus shoved at Sirius' hands, trying to push him off and away. Somehow, Remus managed to get Sirius underneath him, and he ferociously tickled him back. Now Sirius was the one shrieking, pushing, and shoving, but Remus knew he had won.

"HA!" he shouted, triumphant, raising his hands above his head. Sirius, who was unable to move, lay between Remus' legs and on top of his Physics notes, giggling feebly.

"Hey!" said a sharp voice. Remus and Sirius both turned to see Peter standing in the doorway, giving them a skeptical and bewildered look.

"Uh, hey, Pete," said Remus, lowering his arms.

"I don't mind you girls snogging, but please don't do it while I'm here," was all he said. He quickly gathered up some study materials and left the room at top speed.

"Are you frequently caught in compromising positions?" wheezed Sirius, still chuckling occasionally. "Should I be jealous?"

"Ha ha," said Remus sarcastically, but he felt his heart soar.

He had known from the moment he had set eyes on Sirius that it was impossible not to be attracted to him. Even when he'd found Sirius constantly unbearable (as opposed to only frequently unbearable) he'd often ended up marveling at the boy's unbelievable good looks. When Remus and Sirius walked around the campus together, Remus noticed girls giving Sirius hopeful looks. He wasn't sure if Sirius actually did not notice them, or if he just ignored them. But the thought of Sirius ever having to be jealous because Remus was ending up in ridiculous and compromising positions with anyone else made Remus' heart beat just a little bit faster.

"I'm not kidding!" said Sirius. "If I have to fight for your love, I have every intention of doing so!" Remus just rolled his eyes. Sirius' lower lip protruded into a pout. "_Reeeeeemus_!" he whined. "Don't get into compromising positions with anyone else! I thought that was _our_ thing!"

"Since when are we close enough to even have a _thing_?" asked Remus. "I was under the impression you operate under the Hate Them Until They Prove Otherwise Rule. You're still really rude to Lily." Remus scowled at the last sentence. Sirius had been mostly silent to him when they had first met, but on the rare occasions that Lily and James broke away from each other to give mind to anyone else, he had met Lily's surprisingly polite attempts at friendship with snide comments.

But Sirius just waved this aside. "There's a reason for that," he said. Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Am I going to have to publicly ditch you again before you tell me?" Sirius chuckled.

"No," he said. "I'm just nervous that my best friend will be gone now that she's around. I don't want to lose him to her. He's like my brother, y'know? I stayed at his place after my parents… Yeah. So, I'm just trying to stay back and keep her at arm's length. I don't want to trust people blindly. They have to do something to make me think they're worth trusting."

"What did I do?" asked Remus, confused.

"You publicly ditched me," said Sirius, grinning.

"That makes no sense."

"Yeah, well, that's how I operate. But about Lily, I just want to make sure she's not… trying to hurt him. A girl in high school did that to James, but he's so dumb. He trusts everybody no matter what they do."

"Or he's just optimistic," hinted Remus.

"Stupid, optimistic, same thing," said Sirius, sliding up to a sitting position on Remus' bed. Remus sat back onto his ankles.

"That's a fairly pessimistic way of looking at things," he pointed out.

"Obviously," said Sirius, his eyes glinting with the sorrow Remus now associated with thoughts of his family. There was a brief, awkward silence.

"Well," said Remus, "I can promise you that Lily's intentions with James are gold. I wouldn't be surprised if she was in love with him. Whenever she's not with him, all she does is talk about how great he is, how cute his is, this and that. It gets annoying, actually."

Sirius said nothing, but Remus knew that he would trust Lily a bit more now. He would definitely give her a chance, and Remus smiled. He and Sirius, Remus realized, had truly become friends. Good friends. Close friends. Great friends. Boy-

Remus stopped his train of thought. There was a vast difference between Sirius joking around with glib comments and Sirius wanting him so bad that his blood was pounding through both his heart and his rock hard –

'_Stop!'_ Remus thought. His blood was pumping fast in his ears, thundering, and his hands had balled into fists on his thighs. He quickly hid them. Attraction to Sirius wasn't a big surprise to Remus. He wasn't gay, but he certainly wasn't straight either. And Sirius was, without a shadow of a doubt, with his casually elegant hair, perfectly muscled physique, and deep, piercing grey eyes, the best and worst temptation of his life.

That night at dinner, the four friends were engaged in conversation, reminiscing on their respective high school days.

"Well, I couldn't be happier to be rid of the place," said Remus, twirling a fork of spaghetti in front of his face before stuffing it into his mouth.

"Definitely," agreed Sirius, nodding vigorously. "High school was a bunch of bunk if you ask me. The main thing I learned there was that people, in general, suck. Give or take a couple, such as you fine people."

"I'm honored," said James.

"As you should be," said Sirius. "But I'm fairly certain that I don't miss _anything_ about high school. Not the wake ups or the food or the homework, all of which were terrible."

"I dunno, sometimes I miss Frank," conceded James. "Where did he go anyway?"

"I dunno," said Sirius, shrugging. "He followed Alice to wherever she went. Stupid bugger, she probably dumped him after three weeks at University."

"Not necessarily," said Remus. "A couple of our friends –" Remus pointed casually to Lily "– go here too, and more than one of the couples from high school are still together. Not everyone breaks up easily. Or badly."

"Yeah, have a little faith," said Lily. Sirius snorted, and Remus stiffened. Lily rarely spoke directly to Sirius, as his replies were usually short, terse, and snide.

"High school romances don't usually last," he said, but his voice remained casual, lacking its customary vicious bite. The other three noticed the difference, but Remus was the only one who smiled and relaxed. Sirius threw him a look that plainly said, "Oh, shut up."

On their walk home, Sirius hung back, talking to Lily, and coming to terms with his new attempted friendship with her, leaving Remus with James. Remus felt a bit awkward. He and James had mutual friends now, but they hadn't actually spoken much. James had been far too busy snogging and giggling with Lily for that, so they walked in silence for a moment.

The night was cold, but not bitingly so. Remus' heavy coat would keep him warm, though he wished he had a scarf. And maybe a pair of gloves.

"Sirius was finally nice to Lily," commented James, trying to sound casual, but Remus heard the underlying defensiveness. James was protecting Sirius. Remus smiled a bit.

"I know," he said. "It was pretty surprising. He better keep it up."

They were silent again. Remus heard Lily and Sirius babbling behind him. It was actually quite wonderful that Sirius and Lily were going to be friends now. Now Remus was going to be spared the torture of listening to each of them babble at different intervals. Now they could just babble to each other.

"Sirius is a good guy," said James, stuffing his hands into his pockets to keep them warm. He sounded like he was trying to be Sirius' knight in shining armor. "He's a little rough at first, and he's got some pretty intense trust issues, but he's a good guy."

"I know," repeated Remus. "But once he's comfortable, he never shuts up." James laughed.

"Don't I know it," he said, shaking his head. "I'm just glad he's being nice to her. It's been like, three months. But then again, my last girlfriend… Well, he didn't trust her in time for us to break up." Remus snorted. "But at least he can see that it's different with her – Lily," James clarified. "She's… she's something else."

"Well, I told him a bit about how great shit is this afternoon," said Remus. "That may have had something to do with it." James frowned.

"That's odd," he said, eyebrows creasing together, glasses glinting in the light of the streetlamp. "I've been telling him things like that for weeks, but he won't listen to me."

The unspoken 'Why would he listen to you?' hung in the air between them, but Remus chose to ignore it.

"Maybe it's because he knows I've known her longer," said Remus. Sirius' trust issues were far too complex to discuss in casual conversation. James seemed to agree.

"I dunno," he said. "His mind works in strange ways." Remus cracked a grin and laughed.

"Yeah," he said. "When we hang out, he likes to distract me while I study."

"Wait, you guys hang out?" asked James, startled.

"Yeah, a couple times a week now," said Remus, looking into James' confused face, his expression mirroring James'. "What?"

"Sirius _never_…" he began. "This is weird." His eyes narrowed as he contemplated. "He trusts you as much as he trusts me, but he doesn't really know you." James was now looking Remus over, examining his appearance as though it would give him an answer. "He must _like _you."

"Well, I guess," said Remus, shrugging and thinking back to that afternoon in his dorm room. He fought a blush.

"No," insisted James. "He must _really_ like you. He wouldn't let me hang out with anyone he didn't trust… after…" He trailed off, looking a bit horrified.

"His family?" asked Remus quietly, and James' jaw dropped.

"He _told_ you?" he gasped. Remus' brow furrowed. It took Sirius _longer_ to open up to some people? The very idea was beyond depressing.

"Yes," he said hesitantly. James stopped walking and stared at Remus, who followed suit. Remus felt uncomfortable under James' blatant, awed staring. But as James stared, his face changed from unabashed amazement to utter joy, a huge smile slowly breaking across his face.

"You," he said, "are the one I've been waiting for."

"Excuse me?" asked Remus, thoroughly startled.

"You're breaking him out of that shell he's been stuck in ever since he left home. You're…" James took a deep breath, his smile stretching his face to breaking point. "_You are everything he needs!_ Thank God for you, Remus Lupin!"

All of a sudden, James' arms were suffocating Remus in a tight hug. He was babbling into Remus' ear about Sirius, magic, and divine intervention. Remus tried to pat James lightly on the back, but his arms were smashed against his sides. When James let Remus go, he held fast to Remus' shoulders, his eyes shining.

"You are a gift from whatever God that may or may not exist," he said.

"Um, thanks?"

"No," said James, utterly sincere. "Thank _you_."

'_I haven't done anything,'_ thought Remus, but he let it go. He heard Sirius and Lily catching up to them. The cold of the November night was beginning to creep into Remus' extremities, and he was quickly becoming ready to just go back to the dorm and jerk off to Sirius' eyes before bed.

"Hey," said Lily, his cheeks and nose red from the cold, her breath turning to vapor before their eyes. "What do you guys want to do?"

"Ice cream!" said Sirius immediately, teeth chattering, hopping around in place like a child. Or perhaps to keep warm.

"It's bloody _freezing_, Sirius!" said James, who was beginning to shiver.

"So?" said Sirius. "We can go somewhere warmer to eat it!" James sighed, rolling his eyes at his best friend. Lily just laughed, and walked over to Remus and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"I'm up for ice cream," she said. "But after that, we have to go home, because –" she yawned "– I'm getting tired."

"Sounds fine to me," said Remus.

"Ha ha ha!" said Sirius childishly, sticking out his tongue. "Come on, Häagen-Dazs is still open."

As they licked their ice creams on the way back to Lily and Remus' dorm, Remus kept giving Sirius sidelong glances. He was more comfortable in his surroundings than Remus had seen him yet. He bounded around the other three, almost like a dog, starved for attention. He seemed to want their approval, but he was so hesitant to give his own. It was an odd hypocrisy, one that stemmed from the pain of his family's intolerance. Remus wondered if Sirius craved their approval as well.

He wondered if Sirius could get their approval, he would feel less afraid to give away his own. Approval, it seemed, to Sirius, was trust and vulnerability. If you destroyed Sirius' trust once, there was no getting it back. And once you had it, it would take an incredible amount to destroy it. Sirius was on both ends of every spectrum, the extreme in everything he was. Extremely passionate, extremely cautious, extremely beautiful. Remus felt his heart jerk, but he ignored it.

It didn't matter if he was falling for Sirius' bizarre charms, childish actions, and ridiculous jokes. Sirius would not fall for him. He tried to state this solidly in his mind. Sirius _would not_ fall for him. So there was no point whatsoever in hoping.

Remus joined into the conversation with a genuine smile on his face, genuine laughter on his lips, and genuine longing in his heart.

_A/N: So time is passing pretty quick, I know, but hey there's only so much you can do. I hope this explains Sirius' mind a little better, I got a review about it, and this chapter is actually a bit of the explanation for that. It is, in fact, strange that a guy with so many trust issues just opens himself up to some other guy he just met! So next chapter oughta let you know more about the darling Remus/Sirius-ness. :)_

_Reviews; thanks to everyone who reviewed! I hope you like the new chapter, and look out! There won't be another chapter till at LEAST Monday, probably Tuesday. I'm going out of town (again, ugh)… Should give you some time to stew about how much you love DogStar, correcto? Chyea. :D_


	4. Chapter 4

Truth, Lies, and Sirius Black

Chapter 4

Winter break, Remus decided, was a glorious invention. Finals at Hogwarts University were brutal, especially – of course – Physics, taught by Professor McGonagall. So, when Remus awoke on the last day of term, and consequently the first day of winter break, he felt worried and tense. He heard the steady sound of Peter's breathing from across the room, and then the realization of _winter break_ set into his mind, and he felt every muscle in his body relax. His worries melted into the knowledge that he was done, free, _uninhibited_. He let out a deep breath. He rolled over, intending to go right back to sleep. He hadn't felt this relaxed since summer, and he had every intention of milking it.

Until, that is, a moment later, when a shrill, piercing ringing sound filled the silence.

Peter and Remus both bolted upwards, yelling and thoroughly startled. Remus heard a _thump_ on his wall, and a muffled, _'Shut the bloody hell up!'_ from next door. Remus fumbled through his bed sheets and clumsily grabbed the phone, holding it up to his ear upside down. He quickly turned it the right way, and slurred, "H'llo?" He rubbed his eyes, trying to awaken himself to have an actual conversation with whoever was a prat enough to call him this early.

"Remus is up now!" called Sirius, and Remus heard James roar with laughter and some else (Remus hoped it was Lily on a bad hair day. She would destroy them.) sputter in indignation.

"Did you call just to wake me up?" asked Remus, his voice low, soft, and dangerous. He was half-awake now, and damn it, he was _angry_.

"No," said Sirius brightly. "I also called to ask if you wanted to come on a ski trip for Christmas and New Year with me, James, Lily, and James' folks." Remus could practically hear the devilish grin on Sirius' face. The image softened Remus' anger, (because Sirius looked adorable in his mental image) but luckily not his tone.

"And you called at _six-thirty_ to ask?" he growled.

"Well, obviously," said Sirius, laughter breaking through his voice.

Remus contemplated just hanging up. But he knew Sirius would just call right back, and didn't feel like hearing the obnoxious ringing again. He sighed.

"I really hate you right now," he muttered to Sirius.

"Aww, don't say that!" whined Sirius. "I love you!" Remus' heart skipped a beat. He was fully awake now, but he ignored it, remaining calm. He rolled his eyes, as though Sirius could see him.

"Yeah sure," he said. "If you did, you wouldn't wake me up at the crack of dawn on our first day of break, except for a _good_ reason." Remus felt as though he was being rather generous. 'Crack of dawn' implied that the sun had already come up, and as it was December, the sun was still low below the horizon.

"This is a fantastic reason!" exclaimed Sirius. "James' dad said I should being a date, so you came to mind first, of course! Will you be my ski trip date? _Pleeeease_, Remus?"

Remus paused for a moment, hearing stifled laughter on the other side. Then, he burst out laughing himself. Peter gave him a look that clearly communicated his worries about Remus' sanity, and there was another _thump_ against Remus' wall, followed by another oath. Remus tried to quiet his laughter, but it was difficult.

"Sure, Sirius," he said after a moment, still chortling and wiping his streaming eyes. "Just let me sleep for a while, yeah? Can I get the details later?"

"Certainly, my love!" said Sirius, far too loudly. Remus got the impression that he was jumping around, because the sound moved in and out from a normal decibel to a level that made Remus wince. "JAmes! Remus is MY DATE, LET'S call your DAD!" There was a click, and the line went dead. Remus shook his head, laying the phone down. It was so very like Sirius.

"Do I even want to know?" asked Peter, yawning.

"Probably not," admitted Remus.

"Tell me."

"Sirius asked me to be his ski trip date." Peter raised an eyebrow. More than once, Remus had succumbed to the pressures of finals, exploding about things of no significance, to things of monumental significance, and everything in between. (Such as, respectively, the stylistic differences of page numbers in textbooks, atomic bombs, and his relationship with Sirius.) "I know," he continued. "I'll be careful about it."

"Please do," said Peter matter-of-factly. "Heartbroken, along with smoking, is something I won't tolerate in a roommate." Remus chuckled. Peter was not the expressive sort. Remus understood that to mean, 'Be careful, because you're a good friend and I enjoy your company,' though in so few words.

"Let's go back to sleep."

"That sounds like a fantastic idea."

A little over five hours later, Remus found himself packing all of his belongings into his embarrassingly purple suitcase for his return home. He was excited to see his parents and their cat, as he hadn't seen them for months, but he felt quite unhappy about leaving his new, close friends. He knew, of course, that they would all see each other again in a matter of two short weeks, but there was a wrenching feeling in his gut as he thought of saying goodbye to Peter, James, and – especially – Sirius… His stomach twisted uncomfortably.

All of their parents were arriving to pick them up in three hours, and in forty minutes, the four friends were having a final lunch together before their impeding two-week separation. Remus knew that both Lily and James were positively dreading saying goodbye, but Remus wasn't sure how Sirius felt about the whole situation. Knowing Sirius, he was probably going to react the exact opposite of what was expected, and be quite happy to say goodbye.

Remus knew, rationally, that two weeks wasn't very long, but he had nothing to look forward to at home except his parents' company, which, though nice in small doses, was not something he wanted two straight weeks of, especially after a three-and-a-half month separation. They would question him endlessly about school and his friends, which would be nice for about half an hour, but they would, without a doubt, continue longer. He also had no interest whatsoever in "reconnecting" with people who had treated him badly in high school, or pretending to be happy to see them again. Sirius, of course, would tell him to _suck it up_, but then appear at the ski trip, complaining about _stupid high school gits!_

'_Bloody hypocrite,' _Remus thought affectionately.

Remus sighed, stuffing dirty socks into his over-stuffed purple suitcase. He was really going to miss Sirius and his strange enigma of a personality. (And, of course, his rippling ab muscles, but that was a given.)

There was a soft knock on his door, and Remus turned to see a morose-looking Lily in the doorway.

"Hi," she said miserably. "You ready to go?"

"No," said Remus. "I haven't finished packing."

"Well, we're going to be late if we don't leave now," said Lily. "Just finish later." Though Lily appeared more _sad_ than _angry_, Remus knew her temper was not to be tested, and he dropped the shirt he had been folding and grabbed his heavy winter jacket.

They walked to their usual haunt, the café on the edge of campus. James and Sirius, as usual, were waiting for them. James said nothing, but simply stood with his arms open wide for Lily, who happily snuggled herself into James' chest. Nuzzling, they sat. Remus and Sirius as well, close together, though not quite nuzzling.

"I'm going to miss you a lot," commented Sirius, as though commenting on the weather. Then he smirked, and his voice became nostalgic. "I'll miss us taking turns to buy ice cream."

"It's only two weeks," Remus reminded him, but Sirius just threw him a withering look.

"It's two weeks with just James for me," he said, "and two weeks alone with Lily for you."

"No," insisted Remus. "Lily's going to catch up with her high school friends, and she'll call James every ten minutes. It's two weeks with my parents for me. At least you get James."

But Sirius just shook his head. "James will do the same thing. He'll want to _hang out_ with everybody from the old days and whatnot. I don't mind the idea of hanging out with Frank," he admitted, "but other than him, I'm really not interested. And Frank will bring his girlfriend, and then James will get all mopey without Lily, and I'll just be left to be miserable and _alone_."

"You can call me if you get bored," said Remus. Then Sirius gave him a strange look.

"Can I just be on the phone with you for the entire two weeks? Then it won't even be like separating." Before Remus could answer, however, the waiter appeared and took their usual orders, and James and Lily wrangled them into a conversation about the ski trip, and Remus almost forgot about Sirius' endearing statement.

"What is there even to do at this ski resort?" asked Sirius, moving his spaghetti around on his plate rather than eating it.

"Maybe we can ski," said Remus sarcastically.

"Ha ha," said Sirius. "What _else_?"

"Well, we're all rooming together," hinted James, "all four of us."

"What?" said Lily, startled. "Really? I – My parents don't know…"

"No need to tell them," said James hastily. "But we've got like, three adjoining rooms. My family's been going to this resort for ages. I think my great-grandfather helped found it or something. But yeah, we get a special room. Better than the bridal suite I think."

"There's a bridal suite?" asked Sirius, raising his eyebrows.

"Shut up," said James, smacking Sirius lightly. "Anyway, there're four separate bedrooms that all commune into one big living room and kitchen and stuff. My parents will take one, and then… the others are up to however we want to split up when we get there."

Remus felt his insides squirm a bit. Would Sirius want to room with him? Then James continued, and Remus felt his hopes crash and burn.

"They all only have one bed, though," he said brightly. "So, ah, if it works out this way… I mean there are tons of options, but if, say… I mean…"

"We get it, James, stop while you can," commented Sirius, taking a bite of bread. James immediately subsided, taking a huge gulp of Coke to hide his embarrassment. Remus sighed, and leaned onto the table, twirling the remains his own pasta on his fork.

"Lighten up, sunshine," said Sirius, putting a hand on his arm. "We'll see each other again soon. Honestly, this ski trip is the only thing keeping me going. Otherwise I'd be spending all Christmas with just _James_ for company, and I'd probably die."

"Hey!" said James, indignant.

"You'd hate it too, James," said Sirius. "That's why _you_ suggested the ski trip to your parents!" James calmed, and shrugged.

"I guess," he said. The waiter returned a moment later, asking if they had finished. After they all had assured him that, yes, they were finished, Lily immediately left to do something girly that Remus didn't catch when she muttered it to James. James watched her walk away with a submissive fascination, his chin in his hand. He looked as though he was barely conscious.

Remus turned to Sirius then, hoping for some real conversation, opening his own mouth to begin, but Sirius cut him off.

"Do you want to room with me?" he asked, his eyes imploring Remus. Remus was momentarily speechless. He muttered a couple incoherent noises, before he spluttered, "Yes!"

"Great!" said Sirius cheerfully, leaning back on his chair, his air of intensity and seriousness dissipating instantly. Remus took in a deep breath, trying to follow Sirius' odd mood swings. "And also, really, would you like to spend as much of this two weeks on the phone with me as possible?" Remus snorted.

"I suppose I wouldn't mind it," he conceded. "But you call me if you mean it. I won't chase you around!" Sirius chuckled.

"Yeah, yeah," he said. He turned to watch James stand up and go to wherever Lily was, leaving Remus and Sirius alone. As James left, so did the air of simple friendliness. Slowly, very slowly, Sirius reached out a hand and placed his fingertips on the back of Remus' hand.

"Remus," he whispered, "thank you so much."

"For what?" asked Remus, his own voice just as quiet.

"Helping… helping break my shell," he said. "I never told James, but since I came to live with him, I've been sort of like a zombie. Sometimes I think he could tell, but I'm not sure. Anyway, it doesn't matter now. Now I have you."

"What?" gasped Remus. He could hardly breathe.

"You… You're so…" He paused. "There aren't even words for how… I don't know, perfect, amazing, wonderful…. you are. I saw you, and I knew you were different. I didn't really recognize it at first, but it was _trust_. I trusted you from the moment I saw you, and for me –" he chuckled mirthlessly " – that's a feat. My family destroyed all the life in me, but you brought it back. James looks at me like I'm mad sometimes, and I love it. He hadn't done that for over a year now. I think he forgot how _odd_ I am. But anyway." Sirius raised his eyes to look directly into Remus', the grey eyes blazing in a way Remus had never expected them to. Not directed at him. His breath caught in his throat. "Thank you," said Sirius again, leaning in slowly.

Their lips met for just a moment. There was just a light pressure against Remus' lips. He felt his heart bounding in his chest, pumping so fast that he was sure it was going to explode. Sirius' lips against his felt like relief, as though he'd been in pain before they'd touched, but Sirius' lips were the rare, singular cure. Remus felt Sirius' gasp against his face, and he pressed his lips harder against Sirius'.

Or, he intended to, before he heard, "SIRIUS! REMUS!" coming from the direction that James had just gone.

They jumped back and stared at each other for a moment, before the urgent calls of "Sirius! Remus!" forced them to get up and look for James.

As it turned out, James had found his own parents conversing with Remus' parents and Lily's parents outside the restaurant. Remus shifted anxiously from foot to foot. Leave it to James to ruin the mood. He seemed to be rather good at that, according to Lily. Remus sighed and shuffled around, until he felt an arm around his shoulders. He looked up to see his father grinning down at him.

"Ready to go, kiddo?" he asked. Remus rolled his eyes.

"No, actually, Lily made me come to lunch before I'd finished packing."

"Maybe you should've packed earlier," she hinted.

"Maybe _Sirius_ shouldn't have woken me up at six-thirty!" said Remus, glancing at Sirius, who smiled, but it did not quite reach his eyes. Remus noted that Sirius was staring at him. He tried to ignore it, turning back to his father.

"I just need to throw some stuff into my suitcase, then we can bring everything down and go."

"Did your roommate leave already?" asked Mrs. Lupin.

"Yeah, he left yesterday," said Remus. "He was done a couple days before me in exams, so he left early. There won't be many people on the stairs."

"Ah, good," said Mr. Lupin. "Well, let's go, Remus. We're having dinner with the Evanses and those other neighbors, the Weasleys." Remus sighed. Arthur Weasley, while nice, was a bit odd. He had a fascination with electricity that made absolutely no sense to Remus, and often had to endure long rants about the 'amazing makeup of a _plug_!' He glanced at Lily, whose expression mirrored Remus' feelings on the subject. She smirked.

"It was very nice to meet you," Mrs. Potter was saying to the Lupins and the Evanses.

"Oh yes, you as well!"

"Positively charming!"

"I expect we'll see Remus and Lily during our ski trip this holiday?" asked Mr. Potter hesitantly.

"Oh, certainly," said Mr. Lupin. "Remus deserves a break from the traditions, I think!"

"And I can't very well hold Lily back if all her friends are going," said Mrs. Evans, smiling at Lily, who grinned happily back.

"Excellent!" said Mr. Potter. "We'll call with the information tomorrow, if that's alright with you?"

"Sounds perfect," said Mrs. Lupin. "But we really must be going now, Remus always slacks off when it comes to packing."

"Mum," said Remus, getting embarrassed.

"Well, it's true, darling," she said, smile never faltering. "Let's go! Rose, Martin, we'll see you later!" Mrs. Lupin looked back at the Potters. "It was absolutely wonderful to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Potter!"

"Please, call us Harold and Felicity," said Mrs. Potter.

"John and Emma," said Mr. Lupin. Mrs. Lupin nodded, and eventually, after many tearful hugs between lovers and friends, and one very awkward, uncomfortable man-hug, the group split, each part going in its own direction. Sirius, James, and the Potters heading for Sirius and James' dorm, Lily and her family heading for their car, and Remus and the Lupins heading for his lonely room with the purple suitcase open on his bed.

_A/N: Initially I was going to have this chapter go all the way through the ski trip, but ugh, it's already longer than the other chapters by several hundred words, so I'll just split it up. It works out well enough this way anyway. Anyway, I'm back from out of town! I'm back and rarin' to go! There will DEFINITELY be another chapter this week, I promise! Also, two announcements! Not sure if you care, but here you go anyway:_

_1) I have OFFICIALLY finished the outline for this story. I now know how it ends and how we gets there, and all the drama in between. Be happy, this fic is actually going somewhere._

_2) A couple friends and I are making a collaboration account on here, entitled 'SNOGWARTS.' You can guess where the pun came from and what it's about from that name. It's going to be all sorts of wonderfully random crap, involving lots of snoggage between many awkward couples, canon and fanon alike. If you're interested in writing some of your own Snogwarts One Shots, please let us know. There'll be a link to the account in my profile soon. :)_

_And finally, that's that. Hope you enjoyed the chapter, hope you'll review, yadda yadda. Adorable puppy fluff coming up, followed by gut-wrenching sadness and drama. Although I'm sure I'm exaggerating the gut-wrenching… Yeah anyway. Bye._

_K_


	5. Chapter 5

Truth, Lies, and Sirius Black

Chapter 5

Remus repacked his suitcase with slow deliberateness. The hour of his departure for the ski trip with the Potters, Sirius, and Lily was upon him – barely forty minutes remained before the Potters were scheduled to arrive. He knew perfectly well that Lily was destroying her room in an attempt to figure out what to wear. Remus, however, knew exactly what he needed to bring – several changes of clothes, his toothbrush, and a few knick-knacks. James had assured Remus over the phone three days before that almost all possible entertainment would be at their feet – board games, video games, movies, even a dance club.

So Remus refused to worry. He refused to think about anything but the future, and the day ahead. He did not think about the kiss he and Sirius had shared before break had started. He did not think that he and Sirius had not spoken since then, that Sirius had not called once, despite his fervent utterings of total boredom, given to Remus through James and Lily.

Remus had told no one of the kiss. He knew that Sirius wanted to discuss it in person. But that could not stop Remus brooding over it for nearly two weeks. (After all, 'brooding' and 'thinking' were two very different things.) He ached to tell Lily, to ask her for her advice, but he forced himself to wait. He would tell her, no question. It was simply a question of when, and he needed to know what Sirius thought of it before he dared tell anyone else.

Because of his heightened attention to Sirius, he found himself overanalyzing all of their previous interactions, searching for signs leaning one way or the other.

Perhaps, when Sirius asked him to pass the marmalade that once, he was actually making an innuendo? Or, perhaps, when he said he liked the feeling of a long, hard pole in his hands, he really did just mean a ski pole?

Remus could not help but analyze. He needed to be prepared. He needed to have a wall up, ready for total emotional destruction before it happened. That way he could survive it.

"_Remus!" called Sirius, bounding across the quad toward him. James followed in his wake, waving and grinning. Remus could not stop the smile that spread across his own face at the sight of Sirius. One week until finals, but Sirius Black was currently the most frequent subject studied in Remus' mind._

"_Hey!" Remus called back, waving, and expecting Sirius to stop in front of him. But Sirius did not stop. He slammed into Remus, pulling him into a tight hug, so tight that Remus could not breathe. He could practically hear Sirius' muscles straining, trying to pull him as close to Sirius' body as possible. He choked, but wrapped his own arms around Sirius, who somehow managed to hold Remus even closer at his response._

"_I missed you _so much_!" said Sirius, though it was a mere whisper on Remus' ear. He wasn't even sure if he had heard it, until Sirius continued. "I really don't know how in the world I'll manage two entire weeks without you."_

"_Sirius! Remus can't breathe!" called James, still a good twenty feet away. Sirius loosened his hold, but did not let go. His hands still gripped Remus tightly, though he could breathe now, and they slowly meandered up his back, around his shoulder blades._

"_These two weeks are going to suck."_

Remus stood, frozen over his purple suitcase. He shook his head, trying to remain in the present, trying not to miss Sirius' overt affection too much. He tried to reason that just because Sirius hugged him; it did not mean anything too important. He hugged James as well.

"_James!" called Sirius joyfully. "I didn't know you and Lily were coming to this party!"_

"_You and Remus are here, too?" asked James, stopping short, causing Lily to crash into him. "Hey guys! Didn't know you got the memo! Lily said she texted you, but never got a response, so we assumed you weren't coming." As James spoke, Sirius stood, walked up to James and gave him a short, friendly, back-patting hug._

"_Nah, he just forgot to reply," said Sirius, interrupting Remus before he could even begin. "Stupid bugger can't even use his phone correctly." Remus gave Sirius a look, raising an eyebrow, but Sirius just winked._

_Sirius had commandeered Remus' phone for nearly six hours, looking through pictures and old, saved text messages, and had not told Remus that Lily had informed them of this party, and had brought it up to him as his own idea._

"_Yeah," said Remus sarcastically. "That's definitely what happened."_

Hm. It was very ambiguous. There was no _real_ evidence that Sirius had reciprocating feelings for Remus, except for that kiss. Remus threw his several shirts into his suitcase with unnecessary vigor. He didn't even know if Sirius swung both ways! He didn't really know too many personal details about Sirius – though Sirius trusted Remus, he had an unparalleled fear of exposure. The only way to get things out of him was to directly ask, and asking, "Hey, Sirius, are you gay, because I'd sure like it if you were!" wasn't something that Remus had the self-confidence to ask.

"Remus!"

Remus jumped as he heard Lily's voice calling outside his bedroom door, followed by a pounding noise. He hurried over to the door, yanking it open to see Lily standing there, face flushed from cold and excitement.

"Hey," said Remus as she pushed past him into his room.

"We're leaving today!" she sang happily. "Oh, I am _so_ glad! I've missed James and Sirius so much! I can't believe my parents are letting me go on a trip with a bunch of boys! This is absolutely wonderful!" She pranced happily around his room until her eyes fell upon his half-packed suitcase. Her jaw dropped in horror. "You haven't finished packing yet?" she asked, her voice almost menacing.

"Um, not quite," he muttered. Lily immediately flew about, grabbing shirts and weighing them in her hands before flinging them into his suitcase.

"This is absolutely ridiculous, Remus Lupin!" she said. "I've been packed for almost four days! And you have all these nice clothes, and you _never_ wear them right!" She ranted at him as she packed for him. "I swear, I'm going to make you take a class in fashion. You need it! And you are _not_ taking those stupid sandals with you! It'll be like twenty degrees at best!"

"I'm wearing them in the car," mumbled Remus, strapping them onto his feet determinedly. Lily groaned, but let it go. He could not understand why she didn't love his sandals as much as he did.

Less than five minutes later, she had finished packing his suitcase for him. He contemplated having her pack things for him every time. It would certainly simplify travel for him.

"Thanks, Lily," he said as he carried the purple monstrosity down the steps. Just as he set it in the doorway, a large, silver van stopped in front of his house.

"Ahh!" screamed Lily. "They're here!" She hurried over to her parents, who were conversing animatedly with Remus' parents, to inform them.

Remus felt a huge lump form in this throat. They were early. He hadn't mentally prepared to see Sirius yet. He didn't know what to think or how to act. He froze as his father walked up next to him to look out the glass wind-breaking door.

"Wow, they're almost twenty minutes early," said Mr. Lupin. "I got the impression that James and Sirius were the 'fashionably late' type." Lily laughed, and had Remus been all there, he would have snorted as well.

"I think James' parents are more focused," said Mrs. Lupin. "What were their names again, John?"

"Harold and… um…" he paused.

"Felicity," supplied Mrs. Evans. "Harold and Felicity." The parents kept talking, but Lily bounced in place, excited to see James. Remus stood stock-still, caught somewhere between completely happy and completely terrified, as he saw Sirius get out of the back seat of the van. Lily squealed and ran outside, jumping into James' arms as quickly as she could. Remus followed slowly. He looked determinedly at James and Lily.

"Hey," he said. James grinned at him.

"Hey, Remus!" said James. "We've missed you a lot, mate!"

"Yeah," said Sirius, and Remus' eyes were forced onto Sirius' breathtaking face. During school, his eyes had become adjusted to Sirius' intense good looks, but two weeks apart had been enough for him to forget just _how_ amazing Sirius looked.

There was a light snow falling from the sky, leaving small, white flakes in Sirius' jet-black hair. His grey eyes were alight with some emotion that Remus could not quite comprehend. Was it nerves, fear? His smile seemed almost forced, but there was a hint of genuineness behind it that could not be faked.

"I missed you guys, too," Remus heard himself say. Something flickered in Sirius' eyes, but it was gone before Remus could identify it.

"Harold!" called Mr. Lupin, reaching out for a handshake from Mr. Potter. "Come on it!" The parents all filed into the Lupin home, and the teenagers stood in the snow for a moment before following.

"You have a nice house," commented James. "I like it. It's cozy."

"The Potters practically have a castle," said Sirius, rolling his eyes. "I'm pretty sure your house is half the size of theirs. It's disgusting, how much space they have. I'm pretty sure they have more than three rooms that serve no purpose whatsoever. It's stupid."

"Only one," said James, reddening. "Either way, I want a smaller house when I get one. Less cleaning. And I like cozy places."

"Thanks, I suppose," said Remus. He knew his friends were not poking fun at him for being poor – because he was not poor – but it was a tad awkward. Lily noticed, and began to tell James all about her time at home with her old friends. They walked off, leaving Sirius and Remus alone.

"How've you been?" Sirius asked after a tense moment. Remus shrugged.

"Alright, I suppose," he said. "A bit lonely. No one called me," he hinted. Sirius smiled a bit.

"Yeah," he said apologetically. "I can explain that, but I doubt you'd want to talk about it in the middle of your living room around your parents and James' parents." Remus could not deny the second half of his statement.

"I could show you my room," he offered, and Sirius raised his eyebrows.

"Frisky little bugger," he commented, and Remus could not help but laugh as he climbed the steps. Sirius was still Sirius, even though it felt as though they could not speak to each other properly.

"Well, this is my room," he said. Sirius looked around appreciatively. The walls were a pale green color, causing the orange carpet to clash, but Remus loved it. He loved everything about his room, from his orange carpet and green walls to his DVD collection of horror movies and his football posters.

"It's very you," said Sirius, who seemed to be cracking up. "Random. Bizarre. Sexy."

Remus did not respond. He had no idea what to make of _that_ statement.

"See, that's it," continued Sirius, wagging a finger at Remus. "I say things like that to get a reaction, and a reaction is the only thing I don't get from you."

"Maybe my lack of a reaction is a reaction," suggested Remus.

"Are you a psychology major?" asked Sirius, sounding annoyed. Remus chuckled. "It's not funny!"

"Sure."

"I swear," Sirius continued, ranting, "I try to make it really obvious, but it's like you've got a brick wall between your mind and what I'm saying. It's like you don't even get it!"

"Get what?" asked Remus, confused. Was Sirius ever going to get to the point?

"Sirius! Remus!" Their heads turned in one fluid motion towards the bedroom door, which was wide open, towards to sound of James' voice from the floor below. "We're leaving, get down here!" They looked at each other, and Remus vividly recalled their kiss in that moment. It was the same moment. A moment of pre-discovery stolen from them by James bloody Potter.

Remus liked the bloke, but he'd have to kill him if he kept interrupting.

The five-hour car ride to the ski resort was not the ideal place to have a heart to heart chat about personal matters. Lily slept for most of the ride on James' shoulder. He played some kind of video game that Remus could not see from his vantage point in the second back seat. He and Sirius sat there in silence for most of the ride, though Sirius occasionally tried to make conversation. It didn't really work. It was not quite awkward, but not quite comfortable either.

When they finally pulled up outside a snow-covered log-cabin-style lodge, Remus was the first to jump out of the car and stretch his legs.

"Eager much?"

"Just a bit."

Remus looked around the resort, shivering a bit. It had a nice air to it, though a little too put-together-messy. It was odd to look at. The obvious care that the owners put into making the resort look "lived in" was a bit overwhelming, but he tried to ignore it as he looked around. He could smell coffee and baking bread wafting in from the main lodge, and it made him stomach rumble.

"I'm starving," said James, echoing Remus' thoughts. "Hey Mum, can we get something to eat?"

"Once we get to the rooms," she said. "Harold, the main lodge!" Mr. Potter had been wandering around the main square, gazing around happily, but his wife's harsh comment broke through his trance, and he said, "Right you are!" and headed into the main lodge to check them all in.

Twenty minutes later, they stood in the living room of a very large room in one of the off-to-the-side lodges, off the main square. Remus gaped around – the room was larger than his living room, kitchen, and bathroom put together. Mr. and Mrs. Potter quickly staked out their room, the one on the far left, telling the others to have at it.

"I call my room!" called James, hurrying into the room farthest from his parents. Lily followed him in, blushing, and Remus, deciding that he really didn't want to hear their following conversation, headed into the room next to James' on the left.

Remus heaved his purple suitcase onto the large bed, looking around the room in awe. It was very nice. There was a chandelier hanging from the ceiling, though there were not real candles in it. (Probably a good thing, Remus decided.) The bed sheets were a soft gold color, and the vast number of pillows and the down comforter made it all look very comfortable. The dresser, backboard, bedside table, and desk were made of a red-brown wood, giving the entire ensemble a rich, homey feel.

"Room for two?" Remus spun to see Sirius pulling his own suitcase into the room.

"Um, I guess," said Remus, feeling distinctly uncomfortable now. There was only one bed.

"It gets cold up here," said Sirius. "It's nice to have someone else to sleep with." Remus stopped breathing. Surely Sirius didn't mean… "James and I have shared at night a couple times up here because it's so cold. Besides –" Sirius smirked "–you stole my room."

"I can move," Remus offered. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"I just told you, it's freezing up here. We both want someone else's body heat at night, trust me. Even if it's someone we're both feeling completely awkward around."

"It's not awkward," lied Remus. Sirius snorted.

"Right," he said sarcastically. "Not at all. That whole not talking during the ride up made that pretty obvious."

"Look, I'm just trying to figure out what happened," said Remus defensively. He was getting annoyed with Sirius now. He realized that he hadn't been annoyed with Sirius since they had kissed – he'd been too focused on the action and not the person.

"I can tell you what happened," said Sirius, his eyes narrowing. "Lips touched. We kissed. You and me – lip locked. I think I felt tongue in there, too."

"You did not feel tongue," said Remus, glaring, his heart aching. Sirius had not meant it as anything. "There was _no_ tongue. And if the whole situation was just a big mistake to you, why did you keep making those innuendo jokes at me?"

"I never said it was a mistake!" said Sirius, his voice rising quickly. "You asked what happened, and I answered you!"

"Be _quiet_!" whispered Remus through gritted teeth. "Do you want James and Lily and the Potters to find out?"

"I already told James," stated Sirius flatly.

"What?" gasped Remus, horrified.

"I. Told. James," said Sirius, enunciating carefully.

"You didn't even ask me if that was alright!" Remus choked out. He could barely breathe. James knew, and he would tell Lily. And then everything would fall to shit. That had a habit of happening to Remus – especially with his illness. His old friends had shied away from him, fearing his awful contagious disease, leaving him alone for Lily to pick back up and put back together in high school.

_It isn't even contagious,_ he thought angrily, the hurtful memories resurfacing.

"I didn't need to," said Sirius, folding his arms across his chest. "James isn't a judgmental guy. He doesn't care that I'm gay, so why would he care if you were? He shared a fucking bed with me, even though I'm gay, and somehow he survived with his homo-virginity intact."

Remus' jaw dropped. Sirius was gay? There was hope at all? He was speechless, the air pulled from his lungs and throat, and he stood there, staring at Sirius in complete and total surprise.

A silent moment passed and Remus gulped for air and an appropriate response.

"Gay?" he finally said.

"Gay," said Sirius. "Just like you."

"I'm not gay," said Remus immediately. Sirius snorted.

"So, you just like snogging blokes? Not gay, though." His voice was harsh, biting, and Remus flinched.

"I like snogging girls, too," he said.

"When was the last time you did?" asked Sirius. Remus paused.

"Never," he said. "But I never snogged a bloke before you, either!"

Sirius' entire demeanor changed in an instant. He changed from hostile and pushy to amazed, his own jaw falling open, his own eyes now staring at Remus with the same astonishment that Remus had just looked at him. Remus felt a bit uncomfortable, and he shifted awkwardly where he stood.

"You've never snogged before?" asked Sirius incredulously. Remus shook his head. Sirius stared at him for another moment, the burst out laughing.

"Oh – my – dear – God!" he said through laughs. "That is – the most – are you – serious?"

"You are," muttered Remus, embarrassed.

"Oh, shit, Remus," said Sirius, wiping his streaming eyes. "How is that even possible? How did you get through all of high school without _snogging_?"

"I don't know," said Remus, looking anywhere but at Sirius. "I just never got around to it."

"_Never got around to it!_" howled Sirius, falling onto the bed and practically screaming with laughter. "Remus, that's what high school is _about_! You figure out who you like snogging the best, and then in college you take advantage of that knowledge!"

"Silly me," said Remus scathingly. "I went to high school to learn and get out."

"Oh, that's all secondary," said Sirius, waving a hand as he sat up on the bed, still shaking from repressed laughter. "Oh, Christ, Remus…"

But Remus was done talking. He walked over to the bed and grabbed his suitcase. He wrenched it off the bed and stormed out, hurling the purple bag onto the bed in the next room to the left, shutting the door and locking it. He spent the entire time unpacking ignoring Sirius' apologies and chuckles outside his door.

Christmas came and went, with the group spending almost every day on the slopes, or at the ice skating rink, or doing some other outdoor activity. Remus acted as though the incident in the room hadn't happened, but he refused to talk to Sirius with anything more than pleasantries and the most casual of conversation, which had to also involve James or Lily or both.

The nights, just as Sirius had predicted, were bloody freezing. He shivered in his bed until he eventually managed to fall asleep, and often woke up very stiff, curled into a ball with the covers piled up on top of him.

The days, while also cold, were not unbearable. The windswept the snow around them majestically, causing pouches of flakes to fly up into the air. The four friends played in the snow, shouting joyously, flinging wet snow at each other, and laughing raucously. Each evening, they scrambled into their lodge, shivering and windswept, happily discussing all manners of important things, like whether each snowflake was really different and who looked the most like a snowflake.

With each passing day, Remus was more and more tempted to bed Sirius to come and sleep beside him, for a multitude of reasons. He wanted to amend their friendship, though not broken, was a bit strained at times. He wanted to be warm a night as well. And, most of all, he wanted to sleep next to another person – preferably Sirius. On New Year's Eve, Remus was determined to apologize to Sirius, and make everything right again.

"Remus!" called Lily's voice, and she scurried into his bedroom, gleeful. "Remus, there's going to be a _huge_ party in the square tonight! Everyone up here will be there! You want to go, right?" Remus grinned.

Parties at the ski resort were much different than parties at college. Hardly anyone knew each other, so there was no pressure to be a certain way or act a certain way. It was much more comfortable than the drunken-rage parties from Hogwarts University.

"Of course!" said Remus happily. This would also provide a nice opportunity to apologize to Sirius without being overheard. "Hey, Lily," he added as she made to leave his room, "will you help me get ready tonight?" Her eyes narrowed suspiciously, but it was obviously a good thing, because her lips widened into a smile at the same time.

"Certainly," she said. "Anyone you're trying to impress?"

"Just you, my only love," he said sarcastically, fluttering his hand at her. "No, seriously. Not really, I'd just like to look nice." Lily nodded, seeming to accept his reason, and left the room, yelling for James.

Later, when Remus was clad in Lily's expertise, he noticed the other three sending him glances. Lily and James were exchanging knowing glances between themselves and throwing excited glances at him. Sirius glowered at the ground occasionally, and sent him hurt looks moments after. Remus wasn't entirely sure what these looks meant, but it made him rather nervous.

Lily gripped Remus' hand as they entered the square, heading for the main lodge, where the warmth of the party was situated.

"Bloody freezing," grumbled Sirius, pulling his jacket and scarf close to him.

"What's got your shorts in a knot, Sirius?" asked James casually, but Remus heard something underneath – a hint at something, for someone. But not for him, surely. He tried to figure it out.

"Shut up," was all that Sirius said in reply, leaving Remus very confused. He looked at Lily for answers, but she just looked away. He saw the smile on her face even though she wasn't looking him.

Then they entered the warmth of the main lodge, and Remus forgot his worries and relaxed. There was a spread of food, with hot chocolate and a wide variety of cookies. There was a light beat in the background from a DJ. The music wasn't too loud – he could hear himself think and Lily next to him when she spoke.

"James and I are going to go get some food," she said, scurrying off, leaving Remus alone with Sirius. This was it – the moment – he could finally talk to Sirius. He turned to Sirius, smiling, but Sirius was giving him an odd, defensive look. It was a look Remus hadn't seen on his face since that first week. The look was a mask of Sirius' emotions, and Remus knew he'd have to pry it off again. The only problem was that he had no idea why Sirius was looking at him this way.

"Hey," he said, startled, "want to go sit down?"

"Sure," Sirius said stiffly. (LOL ALLITERATION.) Remus ignored the undertones of anger. He reached out and took Sirius' wrist, trying to lead him toward where he wanted to sit and discuss the… possibilities. But Sirius wrenched his wrist out of Remus' grasp and said, "I can walk all by myself, thanks."

This was very discouraging. Remus had felt surprisingly confident before, but now his insecurities were playing on his fears, pointing out loudly in his mind that Sirius did not seem interested in even speaking to him anymore. He couldn't fathom why, because he'd been nothing but civil since the first day's fiasco.

When they reached the secluded corner that held several squashy green armchairs next to a small fire. No one else was nearby, as the party was more focused on the food, dance floor, and television. Remus sat in the chair closest to the fire, and Sirius flung himself into the chair opposite him, glaring into the flames. No one spoke for a moment. A cuckoo clock, announcing that it was now eleven-thirty, caused Remus to jump in the awkward silence.

"Are you alright?" asked Remus finally, after watching Sirius' eyes narrow at the fire, as though it had personally offended him. For the first time, Sirius looked directly into Remus' eyes, and Remus flinched. If looks could kill.

"I'm bloody fantastic," said Sirius quietly, his voice laced with menace.

"Did I do something that bothers you?"

"Who are you meeting here tonight?" Sirius asked, his voice seething with anger. Remus started, surprised by Sirius' sudden outburst.

"What?" he asked, confused.

"_Who are you meeting?_" he asked again.

"No body," said Remus, nonplussed. "I mean, I'm here with you. And Lily and James. I don't know anybody else. Who would I even meet?"

"That's what I'm asking," said Sirius through gritted teeth. "Who is it? Some stupid Norwegian with huge biceps?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" asked Remus, getting irritated. "Are there even Norwegians here?"

"It's a ski resort! Of course there are Norwegians here!" shouted Sirius. Remus put a hand to his temple, trying to calm down before they began fighting loudly in front of a bunch of strangers.

"Look, Sirius, I need to talk to you," he said, his temper in check and his voice at a normal level. Sirius folded his arms across his chest and leaned back in his chair, still glaring.

"Well?" he said.

"I'm sorry that I freaked out on you at the beginning of this trip," said Remus immediately, not wanting to test Sirius' temper. "I was just surprised that you'd told James, and I was nervous about people knowing. I mean, now I know that it's alright with James. He hasn't been treating me differently. I just… I just wasn't ready for him to know. Or, I thought I wasn't ready." As Remus spoke, Sirius' mask fell away. A huge smile grew on his face, and by the end of Remus' small monologue, he was practically clapping for joy.

"So we're alright now?" he asked, leaning forward in his chair, hands on his knees, trying to be as close to Remus as possible while still sitting.

"Yeah," said Remus. "Can I come in and sleep with you tonight?" Sirius raised an eyebrow, and Remus felt himself blush. "I mean, sleep in your bed with you, because it's cold and, um, I mean –" Sirius cut him off with a laugh.

"Of course you can, you daft bastard," he said happily. "Lord, you don't even have to ask! I'm freezing my buttocks off too!" And before Remus even knew what was happening, Sirius had flung himself off of his own green chair and onto Remus, hugging him so tightly that Remus could not breathe.

"Ngh – S'rius!" he gasped, flailing a bit. "Cn't – br'the!" Sirius released him, laughing and jubilant.

"Come on," he said eagerly, "let's go find James and Lily. They said they were getting food! I'm hungry!" Sirius grabbed Remus' hand now, pulling him violently from the chair and racing off towards the splash of red hair beside the flat mop of black at the cookie table. "James! Lily!"

The other two looked up as Sirius bounded towards them, Remus stumbling along in his wake. Their faces stretched into two identical smiles, and they gave a roar of approval.

"So you're _finally_ done fighting?" said Lily, looking relieved.

"Yeah," said Sirius happily. "Remus has _finally_ apologized for being a prat!" Remus rolled his eyes, but said nothing. It was fairly true.

The four friends ate and drank, celebrated and laughed. They talked of returning to school, the future, and all kinds of possibilities, and all the while, Sirius' hand never left Remus'.

"One minute 'til midnight!" yelled somebody, and every jumped up and scrambled toward to the television. Remus ended up crushed between Lily and Sirius as they looked over several heads toward the screen. There were cheers everywhere, champagne bottles being popped and the contents exploding over the huge crowd.

"TWENTY!" The crowd began shouting along with the television, and Remus felt his heartbeats quicken with anticipation.

"FIFTEEN!"

He felt a hand grasp his own tightly. He turned and saw Sirius smiling at him.

"TEN! NINE! EIGHT!"

He squeezed Sirius' hand back, smiled back.

"SEVEN! SIX! FIVE!"

The crowd was roaring, but Remus could hear none of it. In the small, cramped space, he and Sirius found the room to move slowly toward each other, both of their minds working as one, knowing exactly what was coming next, and knowing that they both wanted to savor it.

"FOUR! THREE!"

An arm around his waist, his own arm sliding up Sirius' shoulder, feeling the muscles beneath his shirt.

"TWO!"

Their faces were mere inches apart now. Sirius' grey eyes were alight with excitement, and Remus couldn't breathe. It was too hard to breathe.

"ONE!"

Connection.

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

Around them, the other revelers screamed with delight, downing champagne and shouting the words at each other. Strangers hugged each other with fervor, happy to be alive on this night, watching time move together, even if they would never see one another again. They pecked each other's cheeks and lips, wrapped their arms around people they had never met, spoke words of endearment that meant nothing and everything in that moment.

And in the center of the commotion, unnoticed and yet so very conspicuous, were Remus and Sirius, arms encircled tightly around each other, lips moving in perfect synch, their hearts beating so fast, they could have outrun the wind.

_A/N: Well, hello, this is rather late. Sorry… _ Anywho, I hope you enjoyed it. I got a couple little bouts of writer's block in here, and I hope it's not too crappy. I really enjoyed the mini-ending here, with the midnight adorableness. The next chapter will, eventually, happen, but I'm working on uh, graduating high school right now, so it might take a bit._

_Also, this is something VERY important! Two of my friends and I have been working on a collaboration of Harry Potter fics with various pairings and seriousness levels. PLEASE check it out! We'll be updating every now and then. We're all pretty busy right now, between college and high school, but once summer rolls around, we'll be updating more often! Check us out: .net/~snogwarts_

_So, that's all for now, I believe. :) Review if you like it. -K_


	6. Chapter 6

Truth, Lies, and Sirius Black

Chapter 6

"What are you doing?" said a sleepy voice. Remus jumped, quickly screwing the lid back onto the bottles and shoving them back into his bag.

"Nothing," he said quickly, hoping that Sirius was still too asleep to notice anything odd. "Just um, stuff." Not very convincing.

"Hmmm," muttered Sirius, rubbing his eyes, and Remus let out a sigh of relief. "Wha's for breakfast?"

"Lunch," corrected Remus. "It's nearly twelve thirty."

"Noon thirty," said Sirius, grinning. Remus smiled a bit. He slipped the last pill into his pocket to take as soon as Sirius looked away. Sirius yawned and motioned for Remus to get back into the bed with him. Remus complied, snuggling close to Sirius' warm body.

"Happy New Year," Remus said quietly to Sirius. He chuckled and nuzzled into Remus' neck.

"Happy New Year to you, too, Moony."

"Moony?" Sirius laughed louder now.

"You don't remember much of last night, do you?" he asked, eyebrow raised, eyes glistening with mirth.

"Um…" Remus paused. What _did_ he remember from last night? The talk with Sirius, the apology, the agreement to sleep together for warmth… His breath hitched. The kiss at midnight. But everything after that was a blurred and confused.

"You got pretty drunk, mate," said Sirius. "You probably don't really _want_ to know what you did, but let me just put it this way – there's a reason we'll be calling you 'Moony' from now on." As Sirius concluded his little monologue, Remus could feel the blush creeping onto his face. Horror washed over him, and not just one kind. Alcohol? A _lot_ of it? Was that safe? And what on earth had he done to earn the nickname _Moony_? Sirius was right – he didn't actually want to know.

"Oh, Lord," said Remus, choking on the air. Sirius did not stop laughing.

"D-Don't worry about it," he said, putting a hand in Remus' hair. "It was absolutely brilliant. Even Lily thought it was hilarious, and she was sober! Actually, you were the only really drunk one. James and I were just a bit tipsy, but _you_! Dear Merlin, Remus Lupin! I don't think you knew your name when we got back here. Good thing James' parents were asleep!"

Lily. If Lily had been there and sober, then he was probably alright. She knew not to take big risks with his health. He breathed a sigh of relief, though he still wished he could take the pill in his pocket.

"Can we talk about something else?" groaned Remus, feeling a bit humiliated. Sirius laughed again, but fell silent.

"What do you want to talk about?" asked Sirius after a moment. Remus shrugged. He didn't actually want to talk much at all. He just wanted to sit there and look at Sirius.

"We could talk about where we stand," Sirius commented in a would-be casual voice.

"Where we stand?" repeated Remus, confused. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I was under the impression…" Sirius trailed off, looking nervously at the ceiling. "Damn it," he said. "I can't even make a coherent sentence with you around."

"You just did."

"Shut up," said Sirius, rolling his eyes. Remus grinned.

"Where we stand?" Remus asked again, and Sirius froze up again.

"Um," said Sirius. "Yeah. With that whole, uh, you know… lips and um… kissing at midnight. Or was that just a midnight thing? You know, New Year's kissing and whatnot or was that something… um… else?" Remus stared at him for a moment.

"What?" he asked. Sirius glared.

"You're really going to try to make me say that again?"

"Yes, I didn't understand a word of it!" exclaimed Remus. "I only caught the words 'lips,' 'midnight,' and 'else'!"

"Wasthatmidnight kissjustaNewYea r'sthingordiditme ansomethingmore ?" asked Sirius in one large breath.

"One more time," insisted Remus, and Sirius let out a roar of frustration.

"I cannot say this, Remus! I am _not_ articulate like this!"

"Can you tell me in sign language or something? Or write it down or – umph!" Remus was cut off midsentence, his mouth rendered unusable, as Sirius' mouth had captured Remus'. Shocked, Remus did not move, but Sirius did not stop. He pulled Remus closer, though this was most ineffectual as the blankets bunched between them awkwardly.

Not only that, the kiss was a bit sloppy. Remus could _almost_ taste morning breath, and he was sure Sirius could almost taste his own. It was as though Sirius had no experience kissing whatsoever – not that Remus had much (any), but this was his general assumption.

Sirius broke the kiss after a moment and looked questioningly into Remus' eyes.

"What?" whispered Remus. Sirius groaned.

"So this doesn't mean anything to you? It was just a New Year's midnight snog?"

And understanding broke over Remus like a tidal wave.

"_Oh_!" he said happily. "_That's_ what you were getting at? Oh, well, no, of course it um… meant something. Did it mean something to you?"

"How," growled Sirius, "are you possibly insecure after I just spent twenty minutes trying to communicate to you that it _obviously_ meant something!" Remus let out a shaky laugh.

"I don't know," he said honestly. "I suppose that would be a rather stupid reaction."

"That would be a _very_ stupid reaction."

There was a pause.

"I guess I'm just stupid then," said Remus. Finally, Sirius laughed, exasperated.

"Seems like it," he said. "It meant a lot to me."

"It meant a lot to me, too," confessed Remus. "So, now what?"

"I dunno. This part is all you."

"What, why?" demanded Remus.

"Because I initiated this entire conversation. You have to finish it," said Sirius happily.

"That is preposterous."

"Sorry, I don't know what that means." Sirius smirked, gloating. Remus glared at him, but sighed.

"Fine," he said. "Sirius Black, will you be my girlfriend?"

"Wha–!" Sirius was so scandalized, he could barely speak. "_Girlfriend_? Why am _I _the girlfriend?"

"Because the boy asks the girl. The girl gets asked." Remus grinned. He had definitely won this one.

"Well… But…" Sirius tried to find an argument, but Remus knew there was none to find.

"Miss Black? Your response, please?" Sirius glared at him.

"You know, sometimes the girl asks!" Sirius said, with a look of one grasping at straws.

"Only scary feminists," said Remus. "Do you want to date a scary feminist?"

"A better question is 'do I want to date a female?' The answer to that question, by the way, is _no_."

"So you won't be my girlfriend?"

"Ugh. Fine. I'll be your girlfriend."

"That doesn't sound too happy," pouted Remus.

"Okay, okay. Dearest Remus, my big strong _man_! It would give me such _joy_ to be _your girlfriend_!"

"Sorry, I don't date girls." Remus grinned as Sirius looked at him with an expression flitting between contemplative homicide and mock horror.

"Remus," he finally chewed out through gritted teeth.

"You can be my boyfriend though!" Remus said brightly.

"Sounds… great," Sirius choked out. "You're an evil bastard, you know."

"You wouldn't have me any other way," said Remus, feeling surprisingly confident. Then Sirius considered him for a moment, cocking his head in a way that seemed to show a mild curiosity, a vague interest that sent Remus' heart rate flying with nerves. Was he too bold? Did Sirius not really think their relationship would be that… serious? Did Sirius not like it when Remus pretended to be self-assured and strong?

"You know, I think you're right," said Sirius. "If you were cute and cuddly all the time, it would get boring. But you –" he grinned and waggled a finger in Remus' face "– you're a tricky one. You keep me on my toes! I've got to brush up on witty comebacks if I want to keep up with _you_."

Remus tried to conceal his sigh of relief, but Sirius' eyes narrowed. "Did you seriously think that I would make that joke if it wasn't a joke? God, you're a lot less confident then I thought. And don't take that the wrong way or anything, but you walk around like you're above dumb things like 'self-esteem'. That's why people talked about you a lot at the beginning of the year. I mean, do you think I'd agree to be your _girlfriend _if I didn't like you the way you are?" Sirius smirked, and Remus let out another shaky laugh at Sirius' comment.

"You don't really know me much, though," said Remus. "I mean, we've known each other for maybe six months. But I know Lily better than I know you, and you know James better than you know me. I mean, maybe you won't like me when you really get to know me."

"Well, let's get to know each other so I can like you despite your disgusting flaws," said Sirius happily, and completely genuinely. "Come on, tell me a horribly revolting flaw you think you have, and I can tell you about how you're entirely wrong and that it's one of your most beautiful qualities." Remus chuckled.

"Well, my favorite color when I was ten was purple."

"That's your revolting flaw?"

"It's not a flaw," said Remus defensively. "It's a fact. My favorite color now is blue, by the way."

"Do your parents know that you're gay?"

"No."

"How can they not if your favorite color was _purple_? It may as well have been pink!" said Sirius, throwing his hands up towards the ceiling in an exaggerated gesture. "Wait, is that why your suitcase is purple?"

"Yep."

"Now that's funny," said Sirius, grinning.

"Why did you have to get a job?" whined Sirius. "I want you all to myself whenever I want!"

"_You_ have a job," Remus pointed out. "You work every single Thursday evening. And sometimes on Saturday evenings! And my great-uncle I've never met didn't die and leave me a pile of money!"

"Hey, back off Uncle Alphard!" said Sirius, pouting. "I met him when I was six months old! Technically, I've known him my entire life!" Remus rolled his eyes and picked up his navy polo. "Where do you work, anyway?" asked Sirius.

"At the coffee shop," said Remus.

"Wait, the coffee shop where we -?"

"The very same," said Remus casually. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be back at ten."

"But it's only _four_!" whined Sirius as the door shut behind Remus.

Remus grinned. Despite Sirius' whining being rather irritating, Remus found it very flattering (not that he would ever tell _anyone_). Sirius' attachment to Remus grew every day, and Remus could almost see it in his eyes. Each day, they sparkled a bit brighter. Each day, he moaned a bit louder about having to separate to go to classes. Remus pretended to get annoyed, but truthfully, he loved it. He loved the look Sirius gave him on Tuesdays after Chemistry, like the world had been crumbling to pieces before his eyes, but now that _Remus_ was here, everything would be alright. It was all very ego-boosting, and Remus had to admit it to himself – his ego was smaller than Lily's penis.

Because Lily doesn't have a penis.

He shook his head. Sirius' terrible jokes were invading his mind. It wasn't that he didn't love Sirius – he did – but the boy had a terrible sense of humor.

Remus didn't even pause in his thoughts. He knew he loved Sirius. He had known for a long time.

"Remus!" said an overly enthusiastic voice, and Remus' smile faded infinitesimally. Oh dear.

"Hey, Lyon," said Remus a bit warily. He tried not to be defensive – he knew Lyon meant no harm – but it was difficult not to when Lyon flirted so outrageously with him.

"Looks like we're workin' this Tuesday down to the floor again," said Lyon, winking at him suggestively.

'_What does that even mean?'_ wondered Remus, straining not to roll his eyes at Lyon's failed attempt at an innuendo. "Looks like it," was all he said.

Lyon Julian was an odd, albeit surprisingly attractive, young man. He had a mischievous glint in his eye, not unlike Sirius'. The difference between them, however, was that Sirius was infinitely cleverer and wittier. Lyon relied on "that's what she said" and "so's your mother" comments. His green-grey eyes betrayed few deep emotions, as far as Remus had observed over the course of eight weeks on the job. His face was almost permanently fixed in an overenthusiastic smile, especially for one at a job that no one could possibly truly enjoy. His long, dark brown hair swept into his face, despite the constant reprimands from managers to keep it tied back.

Luckily, Remus was spared continuing the conversation by a customer, who asked Lyon for some kind of latte. Remus turned and looked for someone, _anyone_, else to talk to.

"Lexie!" Remus said, relieved. Lexie looked up from the espresso machine, sweeping her caramel brown fringe from her eyes and smiled.

"Hey, Mussy," she said. "How's life been treating you since Sunday?" Remus smiled. He absolutely despised the horrendous nickname Lexie had created for him, and he praised the Lord and Merlin and the Flying Spaghetti Monster and every other all-powerful being that no one else had picked up on it.

"Not bad," said Remus. "Sirius whined about me having a job again." Lexie rolled her eyes.

"Do you have any idea how irritating it is to hear you complain about him?" she asked. "Bloody god walking around on earth, and you're the bastard who gets him, and all you do is bitch and moan about it! There is no God," she said, waving a hand at Remus in contempt. Remus chuckled.

"How have you been?"

"Another successful pregnancy test. Negative," she added as Remus raised an eyebrow. "Kurt doesn't seem to catch on that protection would be a good call."

"Well, maybe you should ditch him," suggested Remus, noting Lexie's irritated tone. "You seem to be annoyed whenever you talk about him recently."

"Yeah, well, relationships are difficult. It's not worth it if it's not hard, right?"

"That's what she said!" called Lyon happily while ringing up a customer. Remus laughed weakly and tried to ignore him.

"And that was one of his better ones," muttered Lexie, her teeth gritted.

Lyon, Remus reflected later, was _that guy_ in every sense of the word. He was _that guy_ who worked at the coffee shop – cute, amusing, a bit hyper, and charming. (Or at least the customers thought so.) He was _that guy_ to his co-workers – the one who everyone didn't like but didn't have the stones to actually say so. And he was _that guy_ to Remus – constantly hitting on him, flirting with him, throwing suggestive (and sometimes confusing) comments at him, and hinting with winks and eyebrow raises in the most irritating ways possible. Whenever Remus mentioned him to Sirius, Sirius offered to come down to the shop and beat his arse, sometimes jokingly and sometimes in complete seriousness. It was harder and harder for Remus to say 'no' each time.

Two weeks later, and –

"If you deny your boyfriend the right to destroy that arsehole one more time, Remus, I'm going to fucking murder you," snarled Lexie as Lyon left the shop, waving at Lexie and blowing a kiss to Remus.

"You have no idea how tempting it is," said Remus.

"Pfsh," snorted Lexie. "If _Kurt _offered, I'd have had him down here a month ago. But Kurt doesn't offer to do gallant things. Or nice things. Or polite things."

"Are you two alright?" asked Remus, who was both concerned and hoping desperately to move the conversation away from Lyon. There was no need to think about Lyon more than strictly necessary.

"Not really," said Lexie, sniffing. Remus froze. Lexie was a fairly stoic girl. Anger and sarcasm were her primary emotions, and Remus wasn't quite sure how to react.

"Well, if you need to talk," he stammered, trying to seem comforting without betraying his uncomfortableness. Lexie just laughed.

"Don't worry about it," she said. "I'll let you know when we break up. It'll be in about three weeks, when I start to show and I can't hide it anymore."

"You're pregnant?" asked Remus, his eyes flying wide. "But you just…. Your last test!"

"It was wrong," she said. "My sister took me to the doctor when I started getting morning sickness. Kurt won't stick around. He'll ditch me and the baby and every responsibility he could ever have. That's the way he is."

Three weeks later, Lexie entered the coffee shop, tears streaming down her face, her loose shirt a bit too tight around the stomach, choking out her two weeks notice to the boss.

"So how about Lexie?" said Lyon, his voice incredulous, and – to Remus' annoyance – contempt. Condescension.

"What about her?" asked Remus shortly.

"Didn't you hear? She's _pregnant_!"

"I know," said Remus. "So what?"

"Her boyfriend broke up with her when he found out," said Lyon matter-of-factly.

"I know," repeated Remus through gritted teeth.

"I don't want to call her a _slut_," said Lyon, contemplating. "Because that implies that she sleeps with a lot of people. I guess she's just not very intelligent. Or cautious. I mean, this is going to ruin her whole life, and she didn't think to use protection?"

Remus said nothing. His blood was boiling. He had found Lyon's ridiculous advances annoying; he had found Lyon irritating; he had disliked Lyon – but now he _hated_ Lyon.

"You understand _nothing_," he seethed. "You don't even know what happened." But Lyon did not grasp his tone, and just shrugged.

"That _is_ possible," he said arrogantly. "She didn't tell me personally, but Megan – she works mornings – told me that she heard it from Berta – she works mornings, too – and Berta knows her gossip." Gossip? Was that all Lexie was to this arrogant, stupid, foolish, irritating, ignorant - ?

Remus flipped his phone open and sent Sirius a text message.

"_Get down here. Now."_

Five minutes later, Sirius ambled into the coffee shop and walked up to Remus, who stood beside the espresso machine, glaring.

"What's the matter?" asked Sirius, startled. "Christ, I thought you were just bored. What's wrong?"

"_Him_," growled Remus. "_Get him._" Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"Which one?"

"The prick talking to the girl with blonde hair." Sirius nodded.

"You got it. Now make me a caramel latte."

"What?" asked Remus, startled out of his rage.

"Make me coffee or it'll look like you told me to, and you'll get fired," whispered Sirius. At once, Remus scurried around the coffee shop, throwing together the quickest (and probably worst) caramel latte he'd ever made. Sirius took it from him with a smirk and went to sit over by the other side of the shop, by the huge window that showed the outdoor seating. The seats outside were covered in pearly white, untouched snow.

Sirius sat for ten minutes, sipping his coffee. Antsy, Remus shifted around at his position. He made two sloppy mochas, waiting. Finally, Sirius stood. He didn't look at Remus. He walked over to the bar and dropped the half-filled latte into the garbage and smirked.

"Hey, Lyon," he said. Though his voice was not loud, it carried. The small shop went silent in a fraction of a second and every eye turned to look at Sirius and Lyon, who had paused mid-conversation with Tara, to blonde girl, who looked relieved.

"Yeah? Do I know you?" asked Lyon. Then he grinned. "But before you ask, yes, I will go out with you." Sirius snorted.

"Sorry, bitch, I'm taken," he said. Lyon paused. The insult could have been a joke – but only among friends, and this man certainly wasn't his friend.

"Well, can I help you?" he asked, slipping into business mode (which wasn't actually that much different from his regular mode). "And that _is_ a double entendre!"

"I'm impressed," Sirius said. "You know what a double entendre is. Anyway, that's now why I'm here. I'm here to tell you that if you _ever_ talk shit on Lexie ever again, I will personally beat your arse from here to Kenya. Understood?"

The entire shop waited with baited breath. Remus heard the dangerous tone in Sirius' voice. The rest of the coffee shop noticed as well. But had Lyon? He was _incredibly_ dense.

"Well, asking me not to talk shit is like asking Lexie not to get pregnant – oh!" he said, laughing as if he'd made a fantastic joke. Remus heard the slight, collective gasp from the patrons. Sirius right hand shot out and grabbed Lyon's shirt, yanking him forward uncomfortably across the counter.

"Sorry," said Sirius quietly. "One time offer." His left fist flew through the air and landed squarely on Lyon's nose. There was a crack, a yell, and suddenly the counter was covered in bright red blood.

"Ah! What the fuck, you freak!" shouted Lyon, pulling himself free of Sirius' grasp.. "You just fucking broke my nose!"

"Consider it a warning," said Sirius, turning to leave.

"NO!" shouted Remus as Lyon jumped up onto the counter and body slammed Sirius onto the ground. "NO, SIRIUS!" But his shouts were lost in the din – every person in the shop was on his or her feet, yelling, screaming, chanting the word "FIGHT!" repeatedly. The manager, Shelby, was on the phone, screaming for the police, and the grunts and smacks and slaps – and shouts of pain – coming from the thrashing mass of limbs that was Sirius and Lyon made Remus' blood run cold.

He vaulted over the counter and sprinted across the short room to the two men on the floor. He grabbed Lyon by the back of his shirt and tried to pull him off Sirius. Remus couldn't tell who was winning as he dragged Lyon away from Sirius – there was so much blood! Why had he even thought of this as a good reaction?

Some groans resounded through the shop as Remus held Lyon back from attacking Sirius again.

"Get off me, Remus, this douche needs to be _taught a lesson_!" he shouted.

"I hate to point it out to you, kid, but you're the one with the shiner, the cut lip, the broken nose, _and_ the bloody mouth," said Sirius calmly, spitting onto the floor. Remus tried not to notice that it was tinged red. "I'm pretty sure I just taught your sorry arse the lesson."

"This kid doesn't learn," said Shelby. "Julian, you are _so_ fired." Sirius smirked at Lyon, glared at Sirius bitterly. "Oh, and you're never coming back in here again," added Shelby, glaring at Sirius, who shrugged.

"I can deal with that," he said. "I guess I'll just have to drink my coffee outside from now on. Good luck finding another job after this, Leo."

"_Lyon_," he snarled. "My name is _Lyon_."

"Whatever," said Sirius. "Toodles." He raised two fingers to his forehead in a salute. "Miss Manager, under the agreement that I will not come in here ever again during my university career, may I leave?"

"Please," said Shelby gratefully.

Moments after Sirius walked gracefully from the shop, the campus police entered, stun guns loaded and ready to go, threatening to use them if people did not comply. Shelby walked up to them, explained that the situation was under control, thanking them for their speedy response, but their help was not actually required anymore.

All the while, Remus looked at the blooming bruise on Lyon's eye with increasing satisfaction.

There was very little light, and the flickering light that barely illuminated the room came from a solitary candle that sat upon a light sand wood dresser. The curtains were drawn in the window, even though there was not actually a glass pane or the great outdoors on the other side of the curtains. Two beds were pushed together in the small dorm room, and Remus' arms wrapped themselves around Sirius' body in the darkness.

"Are you alright?" he whispered, concerned.

"A swollen lip," scoffed Sirius. "No big deal." Remus bit his own lip, tightening his hold on Sirius. He buried his face in Sirius' hair.

"I'm sorry I asked you to do that," he said. "It was stupid and juvenile. You got hurt, and it's my fault…"

"Enough big words from you," said Sirius, flipping around to face Remus. "Don't worry about it. That bastard had it coming. Talking about your friend like that, and… and hitting on you all the time… I've wanted to do that for ages." Sirius shook his head. "Every time you came home and told me what he said to you… It wasn't even funny or subtle flirting… It was pathetic. And annoying." Remus felt Sirius' arms wrap around him now, running up and down his spine. "You're mine," said Sirius huskily. "And I don't want anyone else even looking at you." Remus shivered.

"It's not fair," he mumbled.

"What isn't?"

"That people aren't allowed to look at me, but I can't even stop people from looking at _you_." Remus bit his lip again. It was becoming a habit. "Even _Lyon_ was looking at you… You didn't notice it – you were too busy smashing his face in – but he gave you this _look_. Everyone looks at you like that… It's not fair."

But Sirius just chuckled.

"I've seen those. It's most dumb girls who think it's so cute that I'm comfortable enough with myself to hold hands with my best dude friend in public." Remus snorted, and Sirius laughed, nodding. "I know, it's ridiculous. But almost every day, there's this one guy I see who gives _you_ that kind of look. It's disgusting. No one's allowed to look at you like that but _me_." Remus shivered again at the intensity of Sirius' tone.

"What look is it?" he asked, breathless. He looked expectantly into Sirius' face. Sirius stared back for a moment, but then his eyes took on an entirely different expression. His eyes practically smoldered, screaming desire to Remus, begging him to please, please, choose him. Remus' breath hitched.

"This is the look he gives you _every day_," whispered Sirius, his lips so close to Remus' that Remus could feel their movement in the air. "And I hate it. _I_ want to look at you like that."

"You can," gasped Remus. "Whenever. Any time." Sirius chuckled.

"Good," he murmured, then captured Remus' lips with his own. The aching anticipation was gone now, and a different ache was taking over. Remus smashed himself against Sirius, letting his body feel all of the curves on Sirius' body. He let his hands run along Sirius' chest, sputtering as Sirius' fingers crept up underneath Remus' shirt.

Remus heard himself moan, unable to hold it in. He pressed his lips hard against Sirius', letting himself go, falling farther and farther into perfection. Sirius had Remus' shirt off in only a few moments. Sirius kissed the scar on Remus' shoulder and Remus groaned. Sirius loved his flaws, even the one Remus found hideous.

"You are perfect," Sirius breathed against his scar, kissing it again. It tingled and Remus pulled Sirius' mouth back to his.

Perfect was it, all right. Every kiss, every moan, every groan, every whisper of Remus' name that fell from Sirius' lips was utter perfection. Remus thought he'd die in the moment. He wouldn't regret a thing if he had. If he could choose a death, it would definitely be suffocation via Sirius' mouth.

Oh, the hands. Oh, the tongues. Oh, everything. It was all beyond words, beyond sounds, almost beyond ideas. The feeling of Sirius' rough, muscled body against Remus made him so hard he couldn't think straight. He pressed against Sirius again, aching all over, praying to god that Sirius was aching just as much as he was.

And, wonderfully, magically, Sirius groaned just as Remus felt something hard press back against his thigh.

"Happy two months," whispered Sirius between kisses, between muttering Remus' name, between crashing lips and thrashing limbs, tangled legs and twined tongues. Remus just nodded and kissed him again, gripping his hair, pulling Sirius closer, closer, as close as they could possibly get, shedding clothes and all their inhibitions.

_A/N: Omigaw, guys. I had so much fun with this chapter, you have NO idea! :D I love writing Lyon. He's such a douchebag. Won't say anything more about him, but ahhh… yeah. :D_

_So anyway, if you read this chapter, you better review it! Let me know what you think of it, what you liked and disliked, who your favorite character is on "Glee" (I'm very interested in that last one.) Agree with me on how amazing "Theatricality" was last night… Y'know, relevant stuff. :)_

_p.s. Jesse + Rachel = Glee Love. :D amirite?_

_p.p.s. REVIEW PLZ? ;_; puppy dog eyes!_

_K_


	7. Chapter 7

Truth, Lies, and Sirius Black

Chapter 7

xxx

Remus felt an easily explained want – no, _need_ – to repeatedly hit his head against the dinner table. Lily had a similar look on her face, though she seemed more amused than Remus. Giving in to his desire slightly, Remus laid his head on the smooth surface.

The restaurant wasn't too fancy, nothing special. It had cloth table covers and napkins, real silverware, and multicolored straws. It certainly didn't deserve _this_. Nothing would ever deserve _this_.

"Can we leave?" asked Remus pitifully. Lily, who looked between bursting into laughter and killing someone, said nothing. Her eyes were fixed on the bar, where two dark-haired young men stood on it, screaming the lyrics to _My Heart Will Go On_ with the worst possible background music. Karaoke was, without a doubt, the worst invention on the face of the earth.

"This is technically what they're supposed to be doing," rationalized Lily. "I mean, they aren't breaking rules or… hurting anyone."

"They're destroying my ears," said Remus immediately. "They aren't even _singing_." Lily bit her lip, trying to stop the laughter as James sang, _'My heart will go awwwwwnnnn aaaaaaand awn!' _"You have to admit it's funny," she said.

"No I don't," said Remus stubbornly. The song came to an end and James and Sirius sauntered back to their table amidst laughter and applause. James even stopped to sign an autograph.

Sirius threw himself into the chair beside Remus, grinning and laughing. "That was bloody amazing! I don't think we could've started with a better song!"

"Started?" repeated Remus, horrified.

"Sure!" said James. "You don't really think we're _leaving_ anytime soon, do you? Come off it, Remus!" He laughed. "Tonight's our first night of freedom from school! Spring break is just starting, and it's going to be bloody amazing!"

Remus just groaned. Sirius put a hand on his back, and Remus looked at him, hoping for comfort but expecting none.

"Hey," said Sirius softly. "Don't worry about it. Karaoke is about looking as stupid as you possibly can. James and I are pros at this."

"Remus, you _will_ sing by the end of the night!" said James, butting in. Sirius threw James a look, and he fell silent.

"Well, that _is_ true," he continued. "But hey, I'll sing with you if you want."

"Lily's going to sing," interjected James.

"I am not!" she said. "There is absolutely no way –"

"You said we could sing –"

"I was _joking_!" said Lily hurriedly. "I didn't actually mean that!"

"You promised!" insisted James, grinning evilly. Somehow James had an irrational confidence when it came to Lily. He was always sure he would win her over, that either his persistence or an actual argument would change her mind. The strangest part of the whole situation was that he was usually correct. Lily almost always bent to his will, though it took Remus months of pleading and whining before she would ever listen to his advice.

"Fine," she said, rolling her eyes. "But we aren't singing _that_ song. Anything else."

"Anything?" repeated James.

"Anything I agree to," corrected Lily immediately. James shrugged, and as the performer on stage – whoever he was – jumped down amidst laughter and halfhearted clapping, James grabbed Lily's hand and dragged her up to the stage.

Sirius shook his head, grinning.

"Those two," he said, chuckling. "I really don't understand them." Remus grunted in response. Sirius rolled his eyes. "Come _on_, Remus. Don't be grumpy. Just let _go_, have some _fun_. Don't be Mr. Frump Grump."

"Excuse me?" exclaimed Remus. "Mister _what_?"

"Mr. Frump Grump," said Sirius, as though it were the most common phrase in the world. "James and I made it up in high school about this prude-y kid who said that dating was frivolous and that school was obviously the most important thing in the world. I think he would have gone to school even if he was puking. He was that kind of kid. And on top of that douchebag-y-ness, he wore sweater vests all the time and wore his pants up _far_ too high. So, he transformed into Mr. Frump Grump. Mind you, James and I were completely intoxicated at the time, but it was still funny when we sobered up."

Remus stared at Sirius in utter amazement.

"Are you likening me to a kid you met in high school? That you _didn't like_?" he asked incredulously.

"Only if you keep up this Frump Grump attitude!" said Sirius happily. "Come on, smile. I'm pretty sure Severus _never_ smiled. Also, yes, that is his real name."

"Severus?"

"Yep," said Sirius, laughing. "Severus Snape. Not a nice kid, to be honest. James and I ended up with a thousand nicknames for him by the end of school. 'Snivellus' was James's favorite. Mine, obviously, was 'Mr. Frump Grump'."

"This is traumatizing."

"Hey, look," said Sirius. "Lily and James are up!" Remus lifted his head from his hands to see, indeed, that James and Lily were standing on the mini-stage, microphones held up, grinning from ear to ear. James waved at them, and then spoke into the microphone.

"Hey, everybody! I'm back!" There was a roar of approval, and James continued. "This is Lily, my dearest love in the world! Isn't she gorgeous?" There was another roar; a very low, male-dominated roar. "And those two back there are our best friends in the whole wide world, and _Remus_ is the one who looks absolutely horrified. This song is for him, to get him up here on this stage!" The thunderous applause barely affected Remus – his face had already turned beet red. Sirius was laughing riotously, clutching his stomach.

"Thanks for your support, Sirius," muttered Remus, mortified.

"Ha ha ha, l-lighten up, Remus!" said Sirius between guffaws. "It's no big deal!"

"Easy for you to say," murmured Remus to himself. But then a loud, thrumming beat resounded through the restaurant, so loud that Remus feared it would shatter both the windows and his ear drums.

"_Ahhhhhhhhhhh_!" said James along with the track. "_Get up on ya feet now!_"

The lyrics pounded into Remus' skull, pointless, meaningless, ridiculous, and worst of all – far too catchy. This was the song he would repeat in his head for hours before he managed to fall asleep. Remus tried hard to keep up his previous melancholy, his mopey, embarrassed attitude, but it was impossible.

Not when James Potter and Lily Evans were singing Aaron Carter music in public.

Sirius, for his part, was laughing hysterically, with tears of mirth streaming down his face. His hair fell into his eyes with casual elegance, and Remus was momentarily struck – yet again – by his good fortune. Yes, Sirius was insanely attractive. But he was so much more than that, and _Remus_ was the lucky one who got to get to know all sides of Sirius? He had never felt luckier in his entire life.

He looked back at James and Lily, who were sauntering over to them, James with hips and eyebrows waggling at him. Remus' eyes widened, and before he knew it, James was beside him, half-thrusting against his arm. Sirius was pounding on the table, and Lily had stopped singing. The whole bar has erupted into a cacophony of hysteria, screaming both encouragements and laughter. Remus looked at James, who knew each word by heart (of course), and stood. Immediately he began to dance back toward James, who stalled in the lyrics, startled.

It was awkward. It was uncomfortable. It was absolutely bloody ridiculous, but Remus was white-boy dancing with James Potter, in public, sober. Sirius was coughing and laughing, trying to regain breath, but he looked as though he hadn't actually breathed in over a minute. Lily had frozen, staring at Remus with her jaw aimed at the floor, the microphone suspended in front of her face.

Most of all, it was _fun_. As the song came to a close, Remus slowed his dancing, wrapping his right arm around James's shoulders, and James reciprocated the action. They ended the song together, Remus leaning into the microphone, singing the last note with James, raising his left fist into the air dramatically. The restaurant exploded into applause, cheering and screaming _"Encore! Encore!"_ But Remus refused, instead hurrying over to Sirius, who was gasping for air, and pulling him up to the stage with him.

"Uh, hi everybody," said Remus loudly, trying to make himself heard over the chatter and laughter. "My name's Remus, and –" He paused, letting the flattering cheers subside. "And this is Sirius," he said, gesturing to the man standing beside him. Sirius waved casually, winking at an older woman seated near them. She rolled her eyes and chuckled, leaning against her husband. Remus continued – "This is our number for all of you!" Remus looked at the contraption that let the singer choose their song, and grinned as he saw the perfect song for them to perform together.

The opening was silent, but Remus knew it, and started immediately. He turned to Sirius and said, with a completely straight face, "Oh. My. God. Becky, look at her butt! It is SO big."

With no other provocation, Sirius took the lead. "She looks like one of those rap guys' girlfriends. Who understands those rap guys?"

"They only talk to her because she looks like a total prostitute," cut in Remus.

"I mean, her butt!" exclaimed Sirius. "It's just so big! I can't believe it's so round. It's just out there. I mean, it's gross. I mean she's just so…. _Black_."

"I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE," shouted Remus, perfectly in time with the music. Finally, Sirius broke, exploding into laughter and clutching his stomach as Remus pretended to be one of "those rap guys" and sang the song perfectly.

Remus moseyed over to Lily, chanting the words, pulling her up. James, who had tears streaming down his face, could not move enough to stop him. Remus looked Lily dead in the eyes, "A word to the thick soul sistas - I wanna get with ya, I won't cus or hit ya. But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna – mhhh - Til the break. Of Dawn." Remus swayed his hips back and forth, using the rhythm of the song as little as possible, bumping into Lily on purpose, whose balance was compromised by her laughter.

When he reached the stage, he pulled Sirius up from the ground and tried to make him dance along with him. He looked at Sirius, raised his eyebrows suggestively, and positively bellowed, "Cuz I'm _long _and I'm _strong_, and I'm down to get the friction on!" Sirius hiccupped in his laughter, his eyes growing wide, and, still giggling, a grin spread across his face. He winked at Remus, who smiled knowingly back. Then Remus put his final plan into action.

He dropped the microphone, still rapping, and got down onto one knee. He held out his hands for both Lily and Sirius, who looked at each other, confused. Hesitantly, they each grabbed one of his hands. Suddenly, he yanked both of them towards him. Lily twirled gracefully, but Sirius stumbled, and fell across Remus' knee, hands on the ground, trying to keep himself from landing on his head. Lily grabbed onto Remus' shoulders for support, leaning over, but trying to regain her balance. Remus snatched up the microphone quickly, shouting his favorite line into it: "My anaconda don't want none if you ain't got buns, hun!"

xxx

Hours later, the four friends stumbled from the restaurant, arm in arm, cackling with laughter.

"Remus, that was absolutely beautiful," said James. "I never thought I'd see you sing _anything_ at karaoke. Especially _not_ Baby Got Back. That's just classic, mate." Remus, who was trapped between Lily and Sirius's arms, gave James an appreciative head nod.

"You were fantastic," agreed Lily, giving Remus a little squeeze. "It almost made me wish you weren't gay."

"Hey, hey, back off, he's mine," said Sirius, pulling Remus away from Lily. Remus laughed, enjoying the attention for once. At home, attention usually had to do with his condition– his parents continually asking if he was alright, if he had taken his pills, if he felt well enough to do normal activities like taking a shower or eating dinner. But here, with his friends, attention meant laughter, pats on the back and awed congratulations. He had always thought that he hated attention, but the truth was that Remus simply hated the attention he got from being sick.

"Hey," said Remus, "have we decided what we're doing for spring break yet?"

"Aren't we visiting Ireland? Blarney stone and all that?" asked James.

"I didn't realize that was our final decision," said Remus. "If it is, we should get tickets for a plane or a boat or something."

"You want to take a boat from London to Ireland?"

"Not from _London_," said Remus, rolling his eyes. "From Liverpool or something."

"Oh," said James, realization dawning on his face. "That makes sense. How would we get to Liverpool?"

"Bus," suggested Lily.

"Car," said Sirius.

"Or we could just fly to Ireland," said Remus.

"That's pretty expensive, though," said Lily skeptically.

"Don't worry about any expenses," said James, waving a hand carelessly. "My parents have more money than they know what to do with. It's a bit disturbing, really." He grinned. "We'll get to Ireland if that's where we want to go."

And indeed, just as James promised, two weeks later at spring break, they entered their hotel in Cork.

"Tell your dad thanks again," said Remus, gazing around the hotel lobby in awe.

"He says you're welcome, for the twentieth time, " said James. "Come on, there's the counter." James marched up to the reception counter and checked them in. He turned away from the receptionist a moment later holding two room keys. "Here, we have two rooms. How are we splitting?"

"Are you serious, Jim?" asked Sirius incredulously. He grabbed one of the keys and Remus' hand, pulling him towards the elevator. Remus tripped over his purple suitcase, and gave James a look that said, "Are you surprised?" James just shook his head and took both his own and Lily's luggage, heading for the elevator after Sirius and Remus.

"Ah!" sighed Sirius joyfully, falling backwards onto the queen sized bed. "This is wonderful. We can go to that magic Ireland rock tomorrow, and hang out for a couple days, getting bloody pissed in Ireland! Everyone here gets drunk. We'll be perfectly normal if we're wasted here." Remus smiled and rolled his eyes.

"Of course," he replied. "I absolutely cannot wait to be the designated driver and carry you back to the hotel. That's exactly how I planned to spend this vacation."

"Maybe if you got drunk, too, you wouldn't have to do those things," said Sirius, but Remus shook his head.

"I can't get drunk," he said.

"More like won't," said Sirius.

"No," said Remus flatly. "Can't."

"Why, will your parents get mad at you?" asked Sirius, laughing.

"They would, but that's not why I can't drink," said Remus stiffly. Sirius' pushing was making him angry, and he didn't feel like telling Sirius about his problems on this vacation, and certainly not in a fight.

"Fine, I'll leave it," said Sirius, sighing, laying back onto the bed and looking at the ceiling. "I'm glad I got off work this week. I don't know how my boss will make this week work without everyone. Everyone's away for break."

"Where do you work again?"

"Some bar," said Sirius smoothly. "It's not a place you'd go. It's pretty dodgy, but they hired me, so there you go." Remus laughed. His temper had cooled, and a worrying thought crept into his mind – was he becoming as temperamental as Lily? Not that Lily was a bad person because of her anger problems, but Remus couldn't bear the idea of having two separate problems. He needed to learn some patience. He took a deep breath and snuggled close to Sirius on the bed.

"You know," he said, "now that Lyon is gone from the coffee shop, it's actually a very pleasant place to work."

"I'm glad I could help," said Sirius, grinning. He leaned down and kissed Remus' nose lightly. "You know, you look very cute right now."

"Thanks," muttered Remus. "That's always the goal of a dude. Cute."

"Let me be a poof when I feel poufy," insisted Sirius, laying a hand on Remus' cheek.

"Well, if you feel like being poufy, there isn't much I can do," responded Remus.

"Very true," agreed Sirius.

There was a loud knock on the door.

"Hey, you two! Stop being poufy, we're going to get dinner!" said James' loud, obnoxious voice. Sirius groaned in irritating.

"That boy will be the death of me," he said. "Come on, Moony. Let's go."

"Do you have to remind me of that?"

"Of course."

xxx

"I can't believe you kissed that rock, Remus," said Sirius, shaking his head as though ashamed. "It's disgusting."

"It's what you're supposed to do!" exclaimed Remus. "James and Lily did!"

"Yes, but James is stupid, and when Lily is with James, _she_ is stupid. But you're always smart! Even in your science classes that you hate so much! But you just _kissed_ a rock. An Irish rock. Was it worth it?"

"I feel more eloquent already," said Remus haughtily. "Indeed, sir, your inferior speech quite amuses me!"

"Shut up," said Sirius, shoving Remus' arm. "Don't be an arse."

"Ah, but my dear friend, I've kissed the Blarney Stone now! I'll speak this way for the rest of my life. The fantastic magic of the stone has already taken hold of me and my prodigious skill for speech has been magnified a thousand billion kajillion times."

"That isn't a word."

"Prove it, dear sir!"

"I hate you," said Sirius. Remus gave Sirius an incredibly fake grin, and then laugh, clapping him on the shoulder.

"You, Sirius," he said, "are stupid. We came to Ireland to see the Blarney Stone, and you didn't even kiss it. If any of the four of us needs better speech, it's you."

"I really appreciate that, Remus."

"You're quite welcome."

"It was sarcastic."

"I know."

"Hey guys!" Remus and Sirius turned to see Lily and James hurrying along the path back to the car behind them.

"What is it?" asked Remus.

"The guy who works at the gift shop told us about a great pub nearby. Want to go?" asked James happily, his cheeks flushed from the cold and the exertion. Before Remus could respond, Sirius agreed wholeheartedly. Remus nodded in agreement, resigning himself to carrying Sirius back to the hotel room that night.

xxx

Remus closed his eyes as the airplane descended through the air towards London's airport. He had never liked plane landings much, and this one was no exception.

"Are you alright?" asked Sirius quietly. Remus nodded but did not open his eyes. He felt Sirius' hand on his own and felt a bit more relaxed. Remus laced their fingers together and held tightly to Sirius' hand.

Remus felt his stomach flip-flop uncomfortably, and fought the urge to be sick. The plane slowed, fighting inertia, and Remus felt himself pulled forward in his seat. He fought it, breathing carefully through his nose.

"It's over," said Sirius, letting go of Remus' hand and putting it behind his head instead, holding him close for a moment. Remus breathed out loudly through his mouth, gasping for normal air.

"Thanks," he muttered as they retrieved their luggage.

"Don't worry about it," replied Sirius, taking Remus' hand. "I wish you'd told me that you didn't like planes though."

"It's not planes, it's the landings," said Remus as they piled themselves in the shuttle bus.

"Ah," said Sirius. "That makes sense. You were alright on the way there, though."

"I'm just tired," lied Remus as the four friends were ceremoniously shoved off of the shuttle bus, their luggage carelessly thrown after them.

"Bloody gits," said James darkly.

"Too true," said Lily, fuming. "They will be hearing a complaint from me _and_ my parents! That was absolutely unacceptable behavior!"

"Cool down, darling Lily," said James, patting her shoulder. "It's not that big of a deal. Deep breath, okay?" Immediately, Lily did as he said. She took a deep breath.

"Ahh, thank you," she said. "You were right. I don't know why I get so angry…"

"It's called –"

"Sirius," said Remus warningly, and Sirius' mouth snapped shut. He grinned at Lily, who glared at him.

"Anyway, you're like my anger medicine," said Lily to James. "And thank you, Sirius, for making that un-cute."

"You're quite welcome," said Sirius. He turned to Remus. "Is your roommate back yet?"

"Even if he is, it doesn't matter," said Remus. "It's Wednesday. He spends Wednesdays at his girlfriend's room, remember?"

"How could you accuse me of forgetting about my favorite day of the week?" asked Sirius incredulously. "I'm a bit offended, actually." Remus rolled his eyes.

"We'll see you two tomorrow, yeah?" said Remus. Lily nodded and James threw them a casual wave of his hand. With no other response, Sirius picked up both his own and Remus's luggage and headed over to the bus stop where, conveniently, the bus that they needed had just pulled up.

xXx

School started up again. The final term before summer, and there was nothing left in Remus's life but work, studying, and his dearest friends. Often his Saturdays began at nine in the morning, studying until two in the afternoon, and then spending the evenings with Sirius or James or Lily.

Even though Remus was having the time of his life and went to bed every night with a smile on his face, he felt himself wearing down. He could feel the stress of school and constantly being busy destroying his already weak immune system. Soon, he began coughing a little.

"Are you alright?" asked Sirius one Thursday afternoon, concerned. "You've been coughing for a couple days."

"I'm fine," said Remus immediately. "It's just a little cold." Sirius nodded and looked away and continued his conversation with Lily. Remus looked determinedly in the other direction, as he could feel her eyes on him. His hand tightened in his pocket around the small gray pill that he would take in thirty minutes.

A week later, Remus skipped class for the first time. He sat in his room, drinking tea and orange juice, coughing and reading the material that he was missing. Luckily, Sirius nor Lily found out.

Remus sat, wrapped in blankets, gasping a bit for breath after a particularly unpleasant spasm of coughing, and he heard a knock at his door. He groaned slightly and put the tea that he couldn't taste down next to his bed and flung his blankets off himself slowly. He ambled to the door and pulled it open, expecting Peter, and wondering why the bastard didn't just use his key.

"Remus?" asked James incredulously. Remus froze.

"Hi," said Remus, noting that his voice was raspy. "What's up?"

"Why aren't you in class?" demanded James.

"I'm sick," said Remus, raising an eyebrow. James's face relaxed a moment later, and he looked relieved.

"Oh," he said, sighing. "Sorry, I just never expected you to skip class. Even if you were sick. Sort of like this one guy who... Never mind. Anyway. I just came here to…"

"To?"

"I was actually checking if you were here," said James. "Lily wanted me to grab… something… from you. Something about your French class with her. Maybe a dictionary? Vocabulary?" Remus's eyebrow heightened.

"That's not like Lily to forget her dictionary in _my_ room," he said. James sighed.

"She wanted me to see how sick you were," admitted James. "I just didn't expect her to be right. She acts like you being sick is some kind of big deal. Like you're going to die because you've got a cold." Remus just shrugged, not looking James in the eye.

"Do you have a fever?" asked James. Remus shrugged again, though he knew he did. James reached out a hand and laid it back across his forehead. "Holy shit!" he exclaimed. "Remus, you are _burning up_! Get back in bed!"

"Don't tell Lily how bad it is," said Remus suddenly, pushing James' hand away. He saw James' eyes focus on the back of his hand, which was a little red with a rash. "Don't tell her. I'll tell her later, I'm going to call her, but please don't tell her when you get back."

"What should I say instead?" asked James, startled.

"That I wasn't here. That I was at class. Something so that she won't worry."

James paused and gave Remus a look. Remus felt his heart stop for a brief second before James's eyes became shadowed and unreadable. He simply nodded to Remus.

"I won't tell Lily," he said firmly, but Remus heard something else in his voice, a double meaning that Remus could not comprehend in his state. So Remus muttered a "thank you" and James waved goodbye, told him to get some rest, and left.

The next morning, when Remus woke up, he realized the emphasis on James's words had been the double meaning.

"I won't tell _Lily_."

Remus's eyes widened in horror as a furious knocking on the door caused Peter to jump up and yell in fright.

xXx

_A/N: Aha, the moment of truth._

_Which is in the next chapter. :P_

_Sorry this took so long to get up here. I went to Austria and Germany for two weeks, which WAS awesome, before anyone asks. I went to Vienna, Salzburg and Munich, along with a couple little places in between, like Hallstadt (which is THE most beautiful place on the face of the earth)._

_Also, Glee finale. I won't say anything for my dear reader from the Netherlands, but I'll let you know that the ending obvs made me sad because of the Jesse Finn Rachel thing. Nothing else to say now though. Lips sealed. :) _

_So, I suppose not much happened here, sorry. I'm kind of trying to figure out how exactly I want everything to happen. But I've figured that out mostly. I'll write it down so I don't forget, promise._

_Next chapter: Serious showdown. Get ready for it. There will be tears and drama and most likely, it will end in adorableness. But next isn't the last chapter! We're probably about halfway done now, maybe a little less._

_Please review! More puppy dog eyes!_

_K_


	8. Chapter 8

Truth, Lies, and Sirius Black

Chapter 8

xxx

"Remus! Open this door!" shouted Sirius, pounding his fist against the wooden door. "Open up _now_!"

"Should I leave?" muttered Peter, groaning as he hauled himself off of the floor and headed for the door. Remus, who was frozen in his bed, still on his back, did not respond, but Peter knew what to do.

"Finally! You dumb bastard, how – Oh, Peter, sorry about that. Is Remus here?" Remus slowly sat up, his heart racing with fear. Sirius knew, but how much? He knew Remus was sick – sicker than a normal person. Sick with something that would never go away, something that would haunt him every day of his life. But did he know what?

"Yes, he's here," said Peter, and Remus heard Peter's eyes roll. He glanced at the clock – it was eight thirty. "Do you two need some – ah – privacy?"

"Yeah, but not for anything that would make you want to clean your sheets," said Sirius harshly. If Remus had been frozen before, it was nothing to icy feeling in his blood now. He felt the frigid terror seeping through his veins, his breath coming in short gasps of fear.

"Alright," said Peter hesitantly, picking up on Sirius' tone. "Well, I'll be back in a little bit I suppose. Give me a second though; I need to get on some actual trousers. I'll knock before I come in." Peter moved back into the room, and Remus saw Sirius nod quickly and follow him in. While Peter scurried around the room, speedily changing into jeans and nearly running from the room, Sirius stared at the floor. The door slammed behind him. Remus flinched at the noise.

Finally, Sirius looked up directly into Remus' eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked quietly. "Why didn't you say something?" Remus' breath hitched in his throat. He opened his mouth to speak, but found that he was too afraid to talk. He closed his mouth again, took a deep breath, and steeled himself for the end.

"I didn't want you to just think of me as that freak sick kid," he whispered. "And it's – it's not something I can throw into casual conversation."

"But… But I thought you trusted me," said Sirius, a little louder. "You can't even trust me with the truth about yourself? You can't tell me the truth about you? That you've been _sick_ for years? That there's no cure, and sometimes you get rashes and serious fatigue? That your immune system attacks _you_ instead of attacking diseases?"

"I know what lupus _does_," snarled Remus, suddenly furious. "I don't need _you _to tell me."

Was Sirius trying to make him feel as bad as he possibly could? Did Sirius really want to hurt Remus that severely? He wanted to throw it in Remus' face that he was perfect – perfect, beautiful, healthy, wonderful – and everything that Remus could ever want, and then take it all away, because Remus was _sick_ and _contaminated_.

"Well I would have liked to find out what it does from _you_ instead of from Wikipedia!" yelled Sirius. "What makes you think that you can't _trust me_ with the truth?"

"It's not that I don't trust you!" shouted Remus, throwing the covers off his bed and standing in front of Sirius, arms bare and red with a rash. Remus could see his reflection in the mirror beside the door, and the butterfly rash was starting to show itself on his face. He looked away from the mirror, disgusted with himself. "It's that there's no way to just _tell_ people that I'm – that I'm – _like _this! Why would I tell you that I'm – that I'm disgusting like this? That sometimes my body attacks itself, tries to _kill_ my heart cells and lung cells? That my skin turns red and scaly and… and just _disgusting_, Sirius! Why in the world would I let you know that this happens to me?"

"Because I'm a part of your life!" exclaimed Sirius, throwing his hands in the air in frustration. "At least I thought I was," he added under his breath.

"Shut up," said Remus, closing his eyes. He heard Sirius gasp quietly – Remus had never _truly_ told Sirius to shut up. Not so rudely. Not so seriously. "Just shut up," he said again, quieter. He opened his eyes and looked at Sirius' shocked expression. "If you're going to leave me now, just do it. I don't want to argue with you. And I can't convince you that I'm worth keeping around like this, because I don't even believe it myself. You're right to leave." He took a deep shuddering breath, praying that his voice wouldn't crack. "No one wants to be around someone who's sick all the time."

"Wait, wait," said Sirius, reaching out and taking Remus by the shoulders. Remus stiffened at his touch, trying not to think anymore. "What are you talking about?"

"You came here to break up with me," said Remus. "Because I'm sick. Because I have lupus. "

"No I didn't," said Sirius, surprised. "Why would I break up with you for having lupus? That's absolutely bloody ridiculous!"

Remus was at a loss for words. "Then – why are you here and yelling at me?"

"Because you didn't _tell me_, you stupid arsehole!" said Sirius, shaking Remus a bit. "James came over yesterday evening and told me how sick you were, that you had a rash on your arm. And he said Lily knew what was wrong with you, but _he_ couldn't tell her or ask her about it because he promised you. So I asked her. And she told me everything, how you got it in high school." Sirius paused. "She said all your friends were awful about it, except her."

Remus couldn't speak, so he simply nodded. There was a huge lump in his throat and his eyes were stinging, but he would not cry. He would _not_.

"She said they – they all ditched you, even though it isn't contagious." Sirius almost growled in anger. "You're better off without them anyway," he said, jerking Remus towards him for a hug.

As they stood there, Sirius' arms squeezing Remus tightly, Remus felt a tear roll from his eyes down his cheek, and he broke.

"Th-Thank you," he moaned, sobbing like a child into Sirius' shoulder. "Th-Thank you!" His arms were like a vice around Sirius' torso. He forgot about the rashes, about the pills and the doctors – he thought only of Sirius. Sirius, who still wanted him even though he knew the truth. He knew that Remus was ill, that Remus would be so for the rest of his life, and he still held Remus as though he would fall away from the world without Remus there.

"Don't thank me," whispered Sirius, swaying Remus lightly. "There's no need to thank me. I would never leave you. _Never_. There's nothing you could say or do that would make me leave you. There's no one but you."

"I have to th-thank you," sobbed Remus. "Y-You're still with me! Y-You don't h-hate me for – for it." Remus doubted that Sirius could even understand him through his loud, tear-filled sobs, but he spoke anyway.

"Shhh," said Sirius, grazing his thumbs across Remus' red cheek. "Anyone who hates you for something beyond your control is stupid. And anyone who hates _you_ should be shot." Remus gave a watery laugh and pulled himself away from Sirius' shoulder, wiping his eyes.

"Thanks," he repeated.

"Stop thanking me," insisted Sirius. "I'm just glad Lily isn't such an idiot like those tools you knew in high school. I'm glad she chose James, too. And I'm glad I have you, and just the way you are. Totally anal about school, and skinny, and a neat freak, and all those other weird quirks you have that make you totally fucking gorgeous to me."

For a moment, Remus thought he was going to cry again, but luckily Sirius intervened before the tears could come. Sirius smashed his lips against Remus', and Remus felt his heart restart in a way he'd never felt before. Before it had been Sirius and Remus with a bit of a veil between them – the veil of Remus' only secret. But somehow, though they'd done this a hundred times now, it felt brand new. Remus was exposed now in a way he hadn't been to anyone before. Not to Lily, not his parents, and certainly not the people in high school who had left him alone in the dark to deal with the horror of a chronic illness. No, this was something new. Sirius knew him now, knew every facet that Remus himself knew, and he accepted it, even loved it.

Sirius' hands roamed over Remus' body again, for the umpteenth time, but the fire they left in their wake was not the same one from the previous four months. This fire was stronger, hotter, and consumed Remus completely.

Sirius broke from Remus' mouth and kissed along his cheekbone, along the rash, then dropped his mouth to Remus' neck, kissing and biting as his hands traveled up Remus' arms. When Sirius' hands reached Remus' shoulders, they moved to Remus' chest, ripping the buttons of Remus' bedshirt. Sirius slowly pushed Remus back onto his small dormitory bed and hovering above him.

Remus looked up at Sirius for a split-second that seemed to last forever. He saw details of Sirius that he'd never quite seen before. He saw the glint in Sirius' eye that told him just how much Sirius wanted him. He saw the exact bend in Sirius' wrist on the hand that cupped Remus' face. He saw the ghost of a grin that was always visible on Sirius' lips, the way Sirius' hair fell into his eyes with a casual sort of elegance, the way his chest rose and fell rapidly with each excited breath he took.

"I love you," Remus said.

"I love you," replied Sirius immediately, leaning down to capture Remus' lips in a searing kiss. "I love you, I love you," he repeated as he kissed down Remus' neck.

Remus felt like a wet noodle – he couldn't move, think, anything. Sirius was in total control, and Remus loved it. He loved the way Sirius' nails scratched just a little bit as they dragged down his chest. He loved when Sirius' tongue languidly trailed across his hipbones. He loved the sound of Sirius' appreciative groan when he slowly stripped Remus of his undergarments. And he especially loved the feel of Sirius' hot, wet lips against his cock.

xxx

There was a knock on the door, followed by a click and the turn of the doorknob. Peter entered the room slowly, but the wall hid Remus' bed.

"I'm back," said Peter hesitantly. "Remus, are you here?"

"Yeah, we're both here," said Remus.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah," said Remus. "Hang on a moment – Sirius, stop that. Peter's back." Sirius groaned and pulled himself away from kissing Remus in any number of places. Remus quickly pulled his comforter over both of them and yelled to Peter, "Alright, it's safe."

Peter walked around the corner a moment later, laid eyes on the sight before him, and sighed. "Right. Just shirtless, I assume?" he asked sarcastically.

"You might want to clean your sheets," said Sirius, grinning devilishly. Peter groaned.

"Thanks for the warning," Peter muttered. Remus simply laughed – there was no arguing with Peter's need to clean after Sirius came over. "So, fight over?"

"I suppose so," said Remus, glancing at Sirius, who was staring at Remus. Remus blushed and looked back at Peter, who had seen the moment. His eyebrows were nearly missing in his hair.

"Right," said Peter. "I think I'll go to the library now. If at all possible, could you please be at least clothed when I get back next time?"

"We'll do our best," said Sirius, who was nuzzling Remus' neck. "You might want to scram though, if you don't want a free show."

And Peter was gone again.

xxx

"So you didn't want to tell me because you were afraid I'd react like your old friends?" asked Sirius, gliding a finger along Remus' shoulder.

"Yes," said Remus. "I couldn't understand, at first, why they stopped speaking to me after they found out, but I know now that it was because of my lupus. It isn't contagious, but they were still afraid of me. Or of catching it from me or something. But Lily was always there for me, and I got through it. I wouldn't have without her, though."

"I like Lily," said Sirius. "I know I'm a bit stupid about trust because of my family, but I'm glad that I feel like I can trust her." He laid his head down on Remus' shoulder and hugged him. "I trust anyone who you trust."

"You aren't being stupid about trust, Sirius," said Remus. "Your family was horrible to you. But I hope you know you can trust me."

"I just told you, I trust anyone you trust," said Sirius. "I'll believe everything you say to me. I would trust you with my life, a thousand times over. This sounds incredibly ridiculous and ponce-y, but I swear it's true – I would follow you anywhere. If you want to move to Spain, I'll go with you. If you want to make penguin pelts in Antarctica, I'll go with you. If you want to knit three pairs of socks in Canada for the rest of your life, starting tomorrow, I will go with you." Remus laughed.

"That wasn't ponce-y, it was just stupid," he said, kissing Sirius on the forehead. "Don't worry, though. We aren't moving to Spain or Antarctica or Canada. At least not yet." He smiled as Sirius held him tighter. "And, so you know, I trust you with my life a thousand times over, too."

"I'll never lie to you," said Sirius forcefully. "I'll never be unfaithful. I promise. I swear, it's just you and me, for the rest of my life. Even if you don't want me anymore, even if you – you die, but don't make me even think about that – but _if_ that happens for whatever awful reason, I swear, I'll never break my promises to you. I don't care if I'm alone for fifty years. I'll never want anyone but you, not in a million years."

"Now _that _was ponce-y."

"Oh shut up," said Sirius, grinning. "You loved it. It was a wonderful speech."

"Good monologue. Looks like you didn't even need to kiss that rock."

"Told you."

xxx

Silence was not something Remus was used to, even during the week leading up to the exams. As he sat in his quiet dorm room, alone on a sunny Wednesday afternoon, he could not quite figure out what was keeping his mind from focusing on the Chemistry book laid out in front of him.

He sighed. He supposed that it was the absence of Sirius and all that went along with it. The extra work he was forced to put into studying – such as tuning Sirius out while he was trying to read – was not needed if Sirius was not there. But without Sirius there to tune out it was almost as if part of his studying ritual was missing.

Remus glared at his book as though his lack of focus was its fault. He wished that Sirius would burst into his room now, loud and annoying, so that Remus could get some work done. But sadly, Sirius had decided to attend his final English class before exams, and had work immediately after it. The thought that he would not see Sirius until the next day made Remus' stomach cramp up a little, so he put it from his mind, trying to forget it.

Discontented, Remus picked up his previously ignored book and headed outside to join the many people picnicking in the grass beneath shady trees with books, splayed open and forgotten. He ambled around the campus, absently looking for a place to sit in the shade and found a bench near the English Department Building (this was obviously not on purpose) that was only half-occupied.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" asked Remus, and the boy sitting there looked up.

"Not at all," he said, and turned back to his own large, presumably heavy book. Remus sat and opened his Chemistry book and tried to look at the tiny words printed on the enormous page, but found that he still could not concentrate. This time, however, his thoughts were very specific.

The boy beside him had the most fascinating appearance! His clothing was stylish, but odd. It was twenty-five degrees Celsius, and the boy was dressed in black slacks to his ankles, with black socks and dress shoes. On his torso he wore a white collared shirt and a plain gray sweater-vest. His clothes fit him just right, and were not at all offensive, but he looked simply too dressed up to be casually walking around campus and reading on a bench.

His black hair was long, down to his chin, and was a bit shiny, as though he hadn't washed for a day too long. His nose, which was a bit too large for his face, protruded past his hair as he looked down at his book. When he moved his hair out of his eyes, Remus noticed that they were pitch black and seemingly endless and empty.

He was a science major, no doubt.

"Can I help you?" asked the boy. Remus jumped. He hadn't realized it, but he and the boy had been staring at each other for over a minute.

"Oh! I'm sorry!" he exclaimed. "I'm sorry, I just…" But what? He was just checking this guy out?

"It's alright," said the boy, shutting his book with a snap. "I have to get to class anyway." He nodded in an awkward farewell and stood.

"Wait!" called Remus. "Wait, you have the same book as me!" The boy paused and looked back, glancing down at Remus' book and then his own.

"You take General Chemistry?" he asked, sounding confused. "You aren't in my class. I thought there was only one."

"I have it on Tuesdays," said Remus.

"Mine is Friday mornings," replied the boy.

"That's odd," said Remus. "My friend has General Chemistry on Monday afternoons."

"Three classes?" said the boy.

"I think there's more than one teacher, though," said Remus. "My friend and I have Professor Slughorn."

"Same," said the boy. "Odd. Although I suppose instead of having one class with over one hundred students it might be better to have three with around thirty-five."

"True," agreed Remus. "How do you think you're going to do on the exam?" The boy smirked.

"I won't have a problem," he said without arrogance. There was pure confidence in his voice.

"Really?" Remus was surprised. "I _will_ have a problem. I just can't wrap my head around it. I couldn't really wrap my head around Physics either last semester."

"I took Biology last semester," said the boy. "I'm taking Physics next year. Biology was easy. I didn't even study for the exam and I got the highest grade in the class. I _do _have to study for Chemistry. I don't mind it though. I do love science classes." His voice was wistful, as though he wished that science could be a person. "I'm not very talented when it comes to literary analysis or learning languages. I took six years of Italian and the most I can say is 'Non parlo italiano'." Remus laughed, understanding his terrible accent perfectly.

"I'd say I'm proficient with those types of topics," said Remus, an idea springing up in his mind. "Hey, say what," he began, "how about next semester we meet up and tutor each other? I'm planning on taking Biology next year, and I think I'll need your help if it's anything like Chemistry. And if you want any help in English or anything _but_ science, I can help you out." The boy studied Remus for a moment, and then smiled the first true smile Remus had seen on his somber face.

"That sounds quite agreeable," he said, holding out his hand. "My name is Severus Snape."

Remus almost choked on the air. He coughed and spluttered for a moment, but quickly regained his composure.

"Sorry," he gasped and grasped Severus Snape's hand. "My name is Remus Lupin."

Severus shook his hand with a smile. "We'll meet up sometime next semester? Early I hope," he added. Remus was surprised at the quick change in his attitude – where he'd been rather distant and closed off, now Severus Snape was an open door of cheerfulness and light.

"Definitely," said Remus. He wanted to get to know this strange boy even more now that he knew his name.

Severus Snape.

Snivellus.

Mr. Frump Grump.

Remus laughed aloud.

xxx

"Can't this wait, Remus?" whined Sirius, frantically scurrying about his dorm room, searching for his work uniform, hastily shoving clothes and other mysterious items that Remus had no desire to know about into a backpack. "I'm late for work!"

"Sirius, you have work for six hours. You're going to want to think about this that entire time, trust me," said Remus, chuckling from atop Sirius' bed.

"Well, can you hurry up!" he moaned, diving into a pile of God-Knew-What under James' bed. "Aha!" he called. "Found it!" He retracted himself from beneath James' bed holding a very tiny pair of shiny black underpants.

"That's your work uniform?" asked Remus, raising an eyebrow.

"Um, no," said Sirius, blushing. "It's – uh – my, well, never you mind. I wear it to work." Sirius dropped his trousers and switched his blue boxers for the tight underpants. Remus rolled his eyes, not bothering to avert them. He'd seen it all before anyway.

"You are truly the strangest person I've ever met," he said. "Except perhaps the guy I met this afternoon." Sirius froze.

"What?" he asked. He sounded nervous and bit angry. "You met another guy?"

"Not like _that_," said Remus, laughing and throwing a pillow at Sirius. "I met another human being who happened to be male this afternoon, and he was odd."

"Really? You want me to be late for work so you can tell me about some weirdo you met this afternoon?" asked Sirius, sighing and pulling a pair of khaki trousers over the black underpants.

"His name might interest you," said Remus. "We decided that we're going to tutor each other next semester. He already took Biology and I'm taking it next year. And he wants some help in English."

"What's his name?" asked Sirius, distracted as he tossed a bottle of lotion into the backpack.

"Severus Snape," Remus said casually.

Sirius dropped the backpack on his foot.

"No way," he said, grinning from ear to ear. "He goes here?"

"You bet," laughed Remus. "And we're tutoring buddies now."

"Dear Lord, Remus!" exclaimed Sirius. "I cannot believe you! Now this is going to be on my mind at work the _whole night_!"

"I can't believe you work until one in the morning," groaned Remus.

"I know," agreed Sirius. "The hours are terrible. But the owner of the place – uh, bar – is pretty cool. We've been friends a while, so he set me up with this job. But somebody's got to do the shit hours sometimes. So I have to go, and I will see you tomorrow." Sirius planted a quick kiss on Remus' lips. "I'm glad you stopped by before work," he admitted. "A whole day without you? I would've died!" He laughed and headed for the door, but just as he reached for the handle it opened and James walked directly into him.

"Oh, hey! You're late for work!" said James.

"I'm aware," Sirius said. "Out of my way please!" James moved out of the way and Sirius hurried out the door, only to pop his head back in a moment later and call out, "I love you!" to Remus before departing for good.

James rolled his eyes, muttering, "Ponce," under his breath.

xxx

As it turned out, James had to work as well that evening, leaving Remus alone with Lily for the first time in a long time. They decided to go out for a casual dinner, and Lily quickly threw together a respectable outfit for Remus.

"Your wardrobe is disturbingly sparse, Remus," she chastised on their way to dinner. "And you're lucky that I haven't burned those stupid sandals yet."

"You know if you did I'd never speak to you again," said Remus calmly.

"Ha! Like you could stay away!" Lily called out. Remus laughed. Lily was as loud and boisterous as ever, and being with her, just as before, made him calm. Where being with Sirius made Remus excited and energized, being with Lily made Remus relax. When he was with her, he could sit back and watch flowers bloom without a thought for the time passing. When he was with her, time meant nothing – it was simply Remus and Lily, enjoying the world.

"So what classes are you taking next semester?" asked Lily as she shoveled spaghetti into her mouth. Remus smiled.

"Well, Biology," he said. "And probably a lab or two. I don't really know how I'm going to get through that, but I've lined up a tutor already so I think I'll pass." Lily nodded. "Other than that, I'm not really sure. I was thinking of picking up a musical instrument maybe."

"Really?" asked Lily, pausing with a piece of garlic bread inches from her teeth. "Which one?"

"I don't know," said Remus. "I only know about the guitar and the piano, but there are all of those brass ones that have a lot of tubing and stuff. But then the other ones have a lot of buttons. I suppose I'd have to check them all out. Didn't you play an instrument in school before?"

Lily nodded. "Yeah, clarinet," she said. "It's one of the ones with a lot of buttons," she added, laughing.

"And it always sounded like a cat dying," Remus commented, wrinkling his nose at the memory of Lily's god-awful clarinet. "I don't think I'll play that one."

Lily just huffed and dug back into her spaghetti.

"Anything interesting going on with James?" Remus asked. Lily shrugged.

"Nothing you don't know," she said, but then she smiled. "You know something, Remus? I'm _really_ happy. I mean, I know it's stupid and it hasn't even been a year, but… I think he might be it for me." Remus smiled.

"Don't worry about feeling stupid," he replied. "I think it's the same for me."

"Really?" squealed Lily. "Ohmygod, Remus we could have a _double wedding_."

"Whoa!" shouted Remus. "No! No weddings!" People turned to look, and Remus quickly lowered his voice. "Lily, we aren't even twenty. Can we not talk about anyone getting married? Besides, I'm not sure if it's even legal for me and Sirius."

Lily sighed, but thankfully did not talk about _marriage_ again.

"So, if Sirius is _it_ for you, what are you doing about living next year?" asked Lily. Remus grinned.

"Sirius and I were going to request each other as dorm mates," he said.

"That was exactly what I was hoping you'd say!" she said happily. "Because James and I were going to get an apartment, and we didn't want you or Sirius to be lonely!"

"You're getting an apartment?" blurted Remus. "That's great!"

"I know!" said Lily, clapping a bit and laughing. "I can't even believe it! Remus, I haven't had an episode in six months!"

Remus' jaw dropped.

"Six months?" he repeated, astounded.

"I know! He's perfect for me! He keeps me calm!" cried Lily. "I absolutely love him. There's no way I can't. Not when he keeps my temper in check without even realizing it! " Lily sighed. "I never thought I could feel this happy. But I can, and it's absolutely awesome." Remus laughed.

"I'm really happy for you!"

"I'm so happy I think we should get dessert!"

"Definitely," agreed Remus.

As Remus slowly ate his cheesecake, Lily quickly inhaled her strawberry pie.

"Oh man, that was so good!" said Lily happily. "How are you not done yet?"

"Some people eat their food instead of breathing it," said Remus, putting a forkful of the cheesecake on his tongue. Lily rolled her eyes and smiled.

"I just eat quickly!" she defended. "Anyway, I want to tell you something about Sirius."

"What?"

"I was eavesdr – I mean, I was talking with James and Sirius, but then I left to get a drink and I heard Sirius say something very interesting." She smiled innocently. Remus raised an eyebrow skeptically, but gestured for her to continue. Then he lowered his fork to the cheesecake again.

"Sirius _said_," continued Lily, "that he thinks _you_ are the one for him _too_." Remus smiled.

"Really? He told James that?" he asked. Lily nodded.

"Then he said something about work complications, but I stopped listening in at that point." Remus laughed, and finished his cheesecake.

He hadn't reacted spectacularly or theatrically to Lily's statement. He hadn't jumped up and down with joy or cried. But his chest had expanded, and his bones felt lighter. Every problem weighing down on him seemed to be a little less important now, because Sirius thought that Remus – scrawny, skinny, ill, picky Remus – was it. The one. Remus could barely breathe for joy.

It was definite. There would never, could never, be anyone for Remus but Sirius.

And as he was caught up in thoughts of the man who changed his life, a voice called out to Remus from across the restaurant floor.

"Is that Remus Lupin? It is! Hey! Remus!"

Remus turned his head. His eyes widened at the tall, brown-haired, green-eyed man striding towards him as though they were old friends.

"Remus, buddy! How's it going, eh? Still working at the coffee shop? Well, hey you're always welcome to switch over to this place, y'know. They need a waxer for under the tables. Get it? Haha!"

Remus swallowed back bile.

"Hello, Lyon."

xxx

_A/N: All I can say is "Bruhahahahahahaha!"_

_Look who's got another GUEST APPEARANCE. It's LYON JULIAN, everyone's favorite TOOL!_

_Anywho._

_I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Sorry it took me forever to write it, I was busy in Niagara Falls and doing other things like having a fun summer with my friends as opposed to a fun summer with my computer. Not that I don't love my computer, but my friends generally have wittier responses._

_So, review! And in your review, I require you to tell me if you've read the Percy Jackson series, because since the last chapter I wrote I've read 4 of the 5 books, and I plan to start the 5__th__ one after I post this. (This means I freaking adore Percy Jackson.) Please tell me your favorite moment in books 1-4. Don't tell me anything about The Last Olympian, because I HAVEN'T READ IT YET._

_But my favorite part was in Battle of the Labyrinth when Poseidon showed up at Percy's birthday party. Omg. I died it was so cute. Happy familyyyyy. :D _

_SO ANYWAY. I HOPE YOU LIKE THE STORY I WRITE FOR U._

_REVIEW. I LOVE YOU ALL. (Let me know about spelling/grammar mistakes, too, so I can fix 'em!)_

_Goldfish :)_


	9. Chapter 9

Truth, Lies, and Sirius Black

Chapter 9

xxx

It was a record heat wave. It hadn't gotten this hot in London for nearly fifteen years, and Remus adored it. He was a winter fan through and through, but it was hard not to love sprawling out on the withering grass with the sun shining above him, eyes closed with images of Sirius in his mind. The air was warm on his skin, and – finally – Lily accepted the use of his brown sandals. The two of them laid side by side in the yellowing grass of Remus' backyard. It was Lily's last day at home.

"Are you nervous?" asked Remus quietly. He almost heard Lily shrug.

"I can't decide," she replied contentedly. "I am but I'm not. I'm excited more than anything. I think I'm ready to be out in the world." Remus nodded.

"I'm glad you're letting me help you move in," said Remus. Lily laughed.

"That's just because you haven't seen Sirius in three weeks."

"_Obviously_. It has nothing to do with being your _friend _and wanting to help you _out_."

"It doesn't."

"It does a little!"

Lily laughed quietly, but did not respond. Remus stretched out in the itchy, prickly grass, trying to get the sun on every inch of his body. It was a bit difficult, considering he was clothed, but he accepted that his ankles and underarms would simply have to go sunless for a while. Besides, the four friends had already made plans to visit the waterslide park nearby once James and Lily were sufficiently moved in.

Remus sighed contentedly. There was only one thing in the whole world that could make this moment better – Sirius. But no, less than twenty-four hours and Remus would see him. His heart ached a little, but the warmth of the sun and Lily's presence beside him kept most of the misery at bay. He could practically feel the happiness radiating off her, the excitement, the nervousness. He felt a bit the same way. After three weeks away from Sirius, who knew what could change? Remus' stomach fluttered with nerves at the thought of seeing Sirius again. Three weeks apart… It felt like a lifetime.

"Remus?"

"Hm?"

"How do you know you're in love with Sirius?" Remus chuckled.

"Well, when he starts talking about cheese like it's the true love of his life, I don't think it's annoying. I think that might be an indicator." Lily laughed as well.

"I'm just kind of nervous that James will do weird things now that we're going to live together," she said, as though admitting to a hideous sin. "I mean, what if he clips his toenails at the breakfast table or something?"

"No one does that, Lily. It was just a nightmare."

"It was the worst nightmare of my entire life!" insisted Lily. She groaned. "What if… What if we really aren't ready for this? We're only nineteen."

"Sirius is still eighteen," pointed out Remus. "We're going to be rooming together. It's the same thing, only we live in a much crappier setup."

"I suppose," said Lily slowly. "You're right, I'm just being paranoid."

"It's understandable," agreed Remus. "Just don't let it get into your head. You and James will be fine. And if not, it just wasn't meant to be."

"Are you nervous at all?" Remus paused for a moment. Living with Sirius… It was a prospect he had no fear for at all, truthfully. Sirius could do almost anything, and Remus knew he would love him all the better for it.

"No," said Remus honestly. "I know he's going to do weird things, but I suppose there's hardly anything he could do that would make me truly unhappy." Lily sighed.

"I envy you a bit, Remus," she confessed. "You're so sure. I mean, I'm sure too, but I guess I left more room for doubt than you did. I guess… I'm more afraid that it's going to end badly than you are."

"Wow, the day has come where I'm more confident than you." Lily laughed loudly.

"I know!" she exclaimed. "University was just what you needed. You're thriving!"

"Yeah," agreed Remus, a smile of realization on his face. "Yeah, I really am."

xxx

"You saw that Lyon prick?" asked Sirius incredulously. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"It's not really that important," dismissed Remus, lifting a surprisingly heavy box out of the moving van. "That day where I met your friend Snape from high school, where you had class and worked all night, Lily and I went out and he worked at the restaurant we ate at. He made some inappropriate jokes that weren't particularly intelligent and then left me his number in case I ever 'needed him for something'. Not sure what he meant by that. Not sure I want to know."

"Well, I hope you threw his number away!" hinted Sirius, glaring.

"Honestly, I can't remember what I did with it. Either I threw it away or I put it in my desk at home… or something."

Whether Sirius believed him or not, Remus couldn't tell, because he simply took the heavier box from Remus' hands and shoved a significantly lighter one into them and hauled the box up three flights of steps to Lily and James' new apartment. Remus followed him uncertainly, but it seemed that Sirius truly trusted Remus, and smiled widely at him on his way back down the steps.

"James," crooned Lily, looking around the unfurnished apartment, "this is going to be fantastic!" He grinned widely.

"I know," he agreed. "It's perfect. I can tell already. It's the perfect size for two. And the guest room for when Sirius and Remus decide that they can't be bothered to walk for five minutes to their dorm… And this lovely little kitchen, where I will _help you_ create fantastic meals…"

"Whipped," muttered Sirius in Remus' ear. Remus chuckled as Lily and James toured their own apartment, eyes glazed over with the excitement of the possibilities.

"We can hang a poster on that wall…"

"Or make a piece of artwork…"

"A sculpture maybe?"

Sirius sighed, agitated and bored. Remus' mood matched Sirius' – he'd just spent nearly four hours hauling boxes of _stuff_ up some steps. James and Lily definitely owed their friends at least some lunch. And then, as if in response to Remus' thoughts, his stomach growled loudly and almost painfully and Sirius burst out laughing.

"Was that your _stomach_?" he asked. "Lord, I didn't think people's bodies could _make_ that sound! Lily! James! Let's go get some food, I don't think Remus has eaten in a week!"

"I have," defended Remus. He could feel his face flushing. Sirius was still chuckling as James and Lily entered the living room again. He hugged Remus tightly.

"What would I do without you and your sad, sorry stomach?" he asked.

"Complain," answered James. "Come on, we owe you guys some food."

xxx

"Happy Birthday, Sirius!" chorused the group of friends as Sirius entered the Potter family's kitchen. July Nineteenth, and Sirius was finally nineteen, the youngest of all of them but Peter.

"Ah! A surprise party? For _me_?" exclaimed Sirius in a very unconvincing manner.

"Who told you?" asked Remus. Sirius grinned.

"Fabian," he answered and walked away. Remus rolled his eyes, but hurried over to help James play host, dishing out cake and talk animatedly about what Sirius was doing at the University (_Nothing._), what his major was (_Undecided._), and what Sirius was passionate about (_Vandalism._).

"Sirius! Cake time!" called Lily, grabbing one of the click-y lighters and setting a flame on each of the twenty candles. "Nineteen, and one to grow on."

Sirius stood before the candles, staring at them. He glanced around the room, and everyone was staring at him. Remus could see the indecision on his face. His eyes scanned the room, not realizing that what they searched for stood right before him. Sirius' eyes finally locked on Remus', and Sirius smiled. His expression changed and he looked down at the candles, closed his eyes, and blew them all out in one large breath. Amidst the clapping and coughing and cheering, Sirius found Remus and quickly kissed him, whispering, "I would tell you what I wished for, but then it wouldn't come true."

"Tease," replied Remus, pushing him back towards the cake. "Go cut your bloody cake, you doof." Sirius grinned and took the knife Lily warily offered him. He cut the cake expertly into perfect little squares, taking two – one for Sirius, one for Remus.

"Here you go, love," said Sirius casually. He dug into the cake with a spoon rather than a fork, though it was equally effective. As expected, he ended up with icing on his nose, and Remus could not help but smile at him affectionately.

"What?" asked Sirius through a mouthful of cake.

"You've got icing on your nose," explained Remus. Sirius immediately wiped his nose, but ended up with even more icing on his nose. Remus sighed, amused, and took a napkin to rectify the situation.

"There," he said, wiping Sirius' face. "Now it's just you, no icing."

"Thanks, Mum," simpered Sirius, scrunching his face to look absolutely ridiculous. "Merlin knows I can't do it _myself_."

"You tried and failed I'd like to add."

"Whatever," said Sirius, continuing to shovel cake into his mouth. "Thanks though."

"No problem," said Remus, standing and leaving to throw away his empty paper plate. As he walked over to the trashcan across the living room and into the kitchen, he saw James' father beckoning his son to the door, a worried expression on his face. Remus' stomach twinged with something akin to fear, but he pushed it aside. If anything was wrong, James would tell him. He took a deep breath and headed back into the living room, where Frank Longbottom was currently in the middle of telling a (most likely offensive) joke about plumbers. Remus slid onto the couch beside Sirius, whose hand immediately wrapped around Remus', fingers entwined.

"And then the parrot says, "Sick 'em, Dubber!'" concluded Frank, and the room at large burst into laughter. Sirius found whatever the joke was particularly funny, and as his eyes filled with tears of mirth, James reentered the room, his face set, but blank, and Remus knew that something was wrong.

James laid a hand on Sirius' shoulder and muttered something in his ear that gave Remus a chill down his spine. Sirius stopped laughing and gave James a look that clearly said, _"Why are you trying to hurt me?"_

"Come on," insisted James. "See what he wants, and then he'll go away. Please, Sirius." Sirius looked at Remus, confused and pleading. Remus squeezed his hand encouragingly.

"Come on, Sirius," said Remus. "I'll go with you." Sirius looked at James again, whose expression hadn't changed an iota, and then back at Remus, before standing up, his hand tight in Remus'.

"Alright," he whispered.

James reopened the front door, and the first thing Remus saw was Mr. Potter, arms folded across his chest, his face like stone. Then Remus saw something that made his heart stop – it was Sirius!

But no, it wasn't Sirius. This Sirius was a bit shorter, and unlike the Sirius beside him, this Sirius had a cold, angry look in his eyes. His face was on the edge of blank, but he seemed unable to hold back the sneer or the glare in brief seconds. It was disturbing how alike the two boys looked.

"Regulus," said Sirius evenly, and Remus was impressed at his composure after his reaction in the living room. "What are you doing here?"

"You think I want to be here?" asked Regulus incredulously. "Mother just wanted me to drop _this_ off for you."

Remus realized that the boy called Regulus had something clutched in his hands – a leash? From behind Regulus, a black dog moved around toward Sirius hesitantly. Sirius immediately dropped to his knees and called the dog forward.

"Cygna, come here girl," he wheedled. The dog seemed to know him, and slowly moved towards him. She sniffed him, and then seemed to remember him, and snuggled in closer. Sirius hugged the dog tightly, and it seemed to not mind in the slightest.

"She's pregnant, Sirius," said Regulus.

"The dog?" asked Sirius, surprised.

"Yes, the _dog_. Who did you think I meant, your friend Potter?" James bit back a laugh. "She's been consorting with the neighbor's dog, and it's unacceptable to Mother."

"Excuse me?" asked Remus. "Your _dog_ even has to live up to your mother's bizarre standards?"

"No, Remus, don't," said Sirius. "It's not important. If anything, this is a good thing. I haven't seen Cygna in three years!" Sirius looked up at his brother. "Thank you, Regulus."

For a moment, Regulus was Sirius' brother, even in the ways that mattered. His face split into a grin, and Remus was startled at how identical they were. But in a flash, the sight was gone, and Regulus simply glared at Sirius in disgust.

"I didn't do it for you," he snarled. "I wanted to have the servants do it, but Mother insisted." But Sirius was smiling curiously.

"On my birthday?" he asked slyly.

"I didn't realize –" began Regulus, but he'd dug the hole simply but coming.

"Thank you," said Sirius again. This time, Regulus did not slip. He gave an exasperated sigh and turned to leave.

"Goodbye, Sirius," he said, lazily waving.

"Regulus!" The smaller boy turned.

"What?"

"Hey, if you ever want to visit up at the University, let me know, alright? I can give you a tour of the campus if you want."

Regulus never answered. He turned back around and walked back down the long walkway to a sleek black sports car. Regulus opened the driver's side door, got in, and zoomed off. Sirius grinned after his younger brother, and ruffled the coat of the very fluffy dog in front of him.

"This is probably the best birthday ever," said Sirius happily. "I got Cygna back! _And_ she's preggo, so we'll have puppies soon!"

"We should take her to a veterinarian tomorrow," said Mr. Potter, kneeling to pet the dog with Sirius.

"That's your brother?" asked Remus. Sirius nodded.

"Yep, that's Reg. He's not as bad as my parents, but… someday he will be, unless I can stop it. We used to be really close, when we were really young. I hope those memories are enough to make him want to listen to me a little bit. Someday."

Remus knelt next to James, Sirius, and Mr. Potter to pet the dog, who seemed overjoyed at the showering of attention.

"She's a sweet dog," commented Mr. Potter.

"I know," said Sirius happily. "I missed her. They must have been so awful to her. Maybe not Reg so much, but I bet my parents didn't even see her. Hey, Cygna! Come on inside, girl. Come on!"

xxx

Halfway through the summer, and Remus had done _nothing_. Well, maybe not entirely. He'd helped Lily and James move in at the beginning of July, and he'd gone to Sirius' birthday party, but for nearly three more weeks, he was alone with his parents. Now, this wasn't a problem, because Remus truly loved his parents, and actually enjoyed being with them now that he was (mostly) out of the house. But every night when he laid down to sleep, he had a stomachache so uncomfortable he occasionally took medication to alleviate it. And he knew what it meant – he missed Sirius. He missed Sirius' arms around him when he fell asleep. He missed knowing that he would see Sirius tomorrow, in only a few hours.

He was _lonely._

He sighed.

"Remus?"

"Yes, Mum?" he replied.

"Breakfast, dear!" Remus groaned, though not for dread of breakfast. He pulled himself upward, out of bed, and stretched. His muscles contracted, and his blood quickened in his veins, and he let out a stale sigh that seemed to come from his very soul. He was _bored_. He didn't want pancakes again, or to go see another "Shakespeare in the Park." He _wanted_ to see Sirius again, to hold him and kiss him, and laugh about nothing with him.

He ambled down to breakfast and sat across from his father, whose face was buried in the morning newspaper. Emma Lupin served Remus four delicious looking chocolate chip pancakes, and Remus simply stared at them. Slowly, he picked up his fork, sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that morning, and began to eat his pancakes. Emma served herself and John Lupin pancakes and sat, digging in immediately.

They sat in silence for maybe five minutes before John closed his newspaper and began to eat his own pancakes, after slathering them in syrup.

"Anything interesting in the news?" asked Emma lightly.

"Yes, actually," said John, grabbing the invitation before it was closed. "There's been a string of killings around London. They think… They think there's a serial killer."

"Really?" Emma's frown creased. "Why would they think that?"

"Well, either that or it's gang violence, but the cops don't think so. It's not the style of any of the local gangs."

"Maybe a new gang is on the rise," suggested Emma hesitantly. Remus snorted.

"Why would that be any better than a serial killer?" he asked. His mother shrugged, as though she didn't actually care very much. For some reason, it bothered Remus that she wasn't even ruffled by the situation. He looked at his father and recognized an emotion that actually made sense – fear. With less than two weeks before Remus returned to the University, which was _in London_, Remus couldn't help but feel a prick of nervousness in his heart. What if this crazy murderer found him? Or found Sirius, Lily or James? Remus looked at his pancakes, his appetite vanishing.

He pushed himself away from the table, excusing himself quietly, and hurried upstairs to his cell phone. He flipped it open and looked at the background picture. It was one of himself and Sirius. Lily had taken it and set it as his background at some point during their trip to Ireland, and though Remus had fought with her about it at the time (in jest, of course!), he had no desire to remove it. He felt himself relax as he looked at the picture.

He and Sirius were snuggled up on one of the plain beds of the hotel they stayed at. Sirius was fast asleep, arms wrapped tightly around Remus' upper torso, and Remus looked as though he was about to join Sirius. In the tiny picture, Remus' eyes were slits, barely open. But on both of their faces was a content smile. Remus let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding before calling Sirius.

"H'lo?" said a sleepy voice after three rings. Remus grinned at the phone.

"Hey, sleepy head," he joked. Sirius groaned.

"Remus, why are you calling me? It's way too early for this. It's only eleven."

"Only?"

"I worked last night," moaned Sirius. "I didn't get home 'til two."

"I'm sorry," apologized Remus. "I was just hoping… we could meet up this week."

"I'd love to," replied Sirius. "I'd also really like to get the right amount of sleep. Can you call back later please?"

Remus couldn't quite help but feel hurt. He told Sirius that he would call again at one, hung up, and fell back onto his pillow. He looked at the white ceiling, thinking. He wondered what his own reaction would be if Sirius woke him up before he was ready to be up. He was sure it wouldn't be that, not total rejection.

He shook himself mentally. He was being both stupid and oversensitive. Sirius loved him. He was sure of it, and there was no reason to get all bent out of shape about an irritated and sleep-deprived Sirius being a bit selfish. He took a deep breath and found that he truly felt better.

xxx

"Hello? Severus Snape?"

"This is he."

"Hi," replied Remus happily. "This is Remus Lupin. We met last semester, and we talked about tutoring?"

"Yes, I remember you," said Severus, his tone brightening considerably. "How did you get my number?"

"Registry," said Remus. "Anyway, I was hoping maybe we could meet up before term starts. Maybe have some coffee. Interested?"

"Certainly," said Severus. "There's a coffee shop right beside the art building that has fantastic mochas."

"I work there," laughed Remus. "Could we possibly go somewhere else?" Severus laughed as well, but agreed.

"Alright," he said, chuckling. "There's a place I know of off-campus that's pretty nice as well. It's called the Three Broomsticks. They have this fantastic invention called _Butterbeer_. It's a bit alcoholic, but I'm pretty sure even the lightweights would have to drink around twenty to even feel a buzz. They sell it to underage kids, so there's no need to fear if you're one of those people who despises alcohol and the sins it causes."

"That sounds great," said Remus. "Thursday good for you?"

"Um, no actually," said Severus. "I've got a meeting. Club… thing. Anyway, Wednesday?"

"Fine with me."

"Good, it's set then. See you Wednesday."

"Looking forward to it," said Remus. "See you." With that, Remus hung up with a smile on his face. Snape seemed to be a decent fellow, and he refused to let Sirius' and James' stories about him cloud his judgment.

xxx

Severus came back from the counter with two large glasses of iced Butterbeer. Its golden-yellow color was anything but deterring, and Remus immediately took an enormous swig of it. It was delicious!

"This stuff is fantastic," he said enthusiastically. Severus grinned and nodded.

"Isn't it?" he agreed. "It's better in the winter, when it's hot. But it's pretty good iced too. They have this stuff called pumpkin juice too, and it's better cold, but they've got a hot version in the winter. It's odd as well, but absolutely wonderful." He raised his own glass of Butterbeer and took a sip. "Ahh, great stuff. Was there anything specific you wanted to talk about?"

"I thought we could set up a schedule for tutoring," replied Remus. "I got my projected schedule a couple days ago, and I'm fairly certain I'll have Tuesday afternoons and Thursday evenings."

"Tuesday afternoons would be better for me," replied Severus. "Like I said, Thursdays are my, ah, club meetings."

"Works for me," said Remus happily. "So, Tuesday afternoons. Would this be every other week? Like, Biology one week, then English the next, then repeat?"

"Works for me," repeated Severus.

"Good!" said Remus, grinning. "I'm glad this was so easy. I've got to say, I'm really looking forward to Biology now that I know I'm going to manage to pass it. I find science very interesting, but I'm just not able to follow it."

"Why do you take the classes then?" asked Severus. "There's got to be a reason besides just finding them interesting, especially if they aren't your stong suit."

Remus nodded. "There is another reason," he admitted. "I'm planning on going into some kind of Laboratory Disease Research. I want to find cures."

"To what?" asked Snape, cocking his head to the side and looking so deep into Remus' eyes that it seemed as though he was trying to read Remus' mind. Remus shivered.

"Lupus," he responded. "I want to find the cure to lupus. And maybe cancer."

"Why? Is it… family?"

"No. It's me. Just lupus though, no cancer." Severus' expression changed from politely curious to sympathetic.

"I'm sorry," he said. "That must be hard. When were you diagnosed?"

"In high school," sighed Remus. "My friends seemed to think it was contagious, no matter how many times anyone told them otherwise. I lost almost everything because of it. The only friend I kept was a girl named Lily. I'm still friends with her, too. We both go here." He gestured towards campus.

"Lily… Evans, perhaps?" asked Severus slowly.

"Yes," said Remus, startled. "Do you know her?"

"She's in a few of my classes."

"Well, yes, her. She's been my best friend for nearly two years." Severus smiled.

"Maybe next time we get together, without tutoring, you could bring her along," he suggested. "I've spoken with her a few times. She seems very nice."

"Oh, she is," agreed Remus, happy with the way the conversation had turned. "She's always been very loyal to me. Plus, she's fun and a right riot. She's got a serious temper, but she's been better about that lately."

"Severus?" An excited voice fluttered between Severus and Remus, and while Severus' face lit up, Remus' fell. He internally vowed never to eat out in public ever again as Lyon Julian walked up to them. "And Remus! This is the loveliest surprise I've had in quite a while. Mind if I join you?" Without waiting for a reply, Lyon pushed Remus over on his bench and stuffed himself onto it, leaving Remus very little room to sit. "Severus, I didn't know you and Remus were friends!"

"Acquaintances at the moment," replied Severus. "Although I suppose not for long. I'll be tutoring Remus in Biology, and he'll be tutoring me in English. We'll either end up great friends or sworn enemies." Lyon laughed too loudly.

"Ah, Severus, you always make me laugh! Don't you agree, Remus?" Lyon elbowed Remus in the ribs just as Remus went for another sip of iced Butterbeer. He coughed and spluttered, and Lyon slammed him in the back, trying to "help." "Sorry about that," he commented before turning back to Severus. "So, do you want to meet up with Bella and Rodolphus later? Or are you with Remus all day?" He waggled his eyebrows at them, and Remus felt his blood beginning to boil.

"I'm up for seeing Bella and Rodolphus," said Severus. "But we need to keep the conversation off the club for once. After all, you aren't a member, and you are forbidden from our secret dealings and whatnot." Lyon grinned.

"Yeah, yeah," he said. "Your club is stupid. I don't know how many times Bella has tried to convince me to join, but it's just _stupid_."

Remus, who was gripping the glass of Butterbeer too tightly, was inclined to join this club. He thought about asking Severus about the details involved in joining, but found that his jaw was clenched shut in anger.

"Your opinion," conceded Severus, raising his glass to Lyon. As his glass and hand rose, the sleeve of his light jacket rode up, and Remus saw a black tattoo on his left forearm.

"What's that tattoo?" asked Remus. Severus froze, but Lyon replied.

"All the members of his stupid little club have them," he said. "It's their _mark_ or something. It's kind of gross actually. Here, Severus, show it to him." Lyon reached across the table with his entire body and yanked Severus' sleeve up to reveal a black tattoo in sharp contrast to Severus' pale skin. It was a skull with a snake protruding from its mouth. For once, Remus agreed with Lyon. It was a bit gross.

"Stop it, Lyon," snapped Severus, pulling his arm away. "You can't just show that to people. My Lord wouldn't really appreciate all of London knowing who his followers are."

"Your _Lord_?" laughed Lyon. "Jesus, that's so pretentious. He calls himself a _Lord_? When did he get titled?" Severus scowled, but said nothing. Lyon continued to laugh for a moment longer, as though his joke had actually been funny, but then – finally – announced that he had to leave. "Well, this has been great chatting with you two," he said, sliding off of Remus' bench, "but I'm afraid I must be going. Got some people to meet up with. Have a bloody fantastic day, chums!" Waving, he left, and Remus let out a sigh of relief.

"Are you friends with him?" he asked Severus, who shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

"I suppose," he said. "He's not the brightest or anything, but he's alright to be around when he isn't being pushy. And he's friends with my friends. Although he _has_ been growing apart from the people who've joined the club. I'm surprised that he wants to hang out with Bella and Rodolphus, or Lucius and Narcissa. He's been hanging out with… _other_ sorts lately. Some guys named _Belby_ and _Macmillan_ and _McLaggen_. The others don't really approve, but I could care less." Severus paused and took a sip. "I gather you don't like Lyon very much."

"Well, I worked with him for a couple months," said Remus. "He was generally a prick to everybody there." Severus nodded.

"Believable," he said, and laughed.

xxx

"You _hung out_ with Snape? As in, Frump Grump?"

"He isn't that grumpy; I don't understand where you got that name."

Sirius shocked face amused Remus, but he felt a bit annoyed that Sirius was so unfeeling towards Severus. Severus had been nothing but pleasant to Remus.

"Well, was he at least still frumpy? Sweater vests and such?"

"No," said Remus. "He was wearing _shorts_ and a _t-shirt_ and a _jacket_. Like a normal human being, Sirius." Sirius snorted.

"He's anything but normal," he replied, switching on the television in the Potter's living room.

"Do James' parents mind that you're still living here when James isn't?" asked Remus curiously.

"Nope," said Sirius, grinning. "Good thing, too. They could charge me rent, but they just haven't! Although they have threatened it a few times. I think next summer might be different, but I've got this summer off." Sirius flipped through channels and stopped on the news. The anchor was midway through a report, but Remus understood it immediately.

" – sad to report that the recent killings around London have not been gang violence or a serial killer, but both. At the latest crime scene two weeks ago, a VHS tape was found beside the victim's body. We have just received permission to show the contents of this video on the air, and warn you that discretion is advised. The content is quite disturbing." Remus shivered. Even the anchor looked nervous, her lips turned down into a frown, and the pencil in her hand twitching and tapping against the desk.

A black screen showed for a moment, before the face of a masked man appeared in a strange coloured light. Was it blue? Red? Yellow? It was unidentifiable.

"Good afternoon, my dear London police force! I see you've finally caught on to my little game." The man's voice was high and clear, and ice cold. Sirius stiffened beside Remus, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him close.

"I don't like this," whispered Sirius. Remus nodded in agreement, but was silent as the video continued.

"I'd like to inform you that the killings of these unworthy, filthy beings was all thanks to me! I know how this shocks you, but you must understand one thing in the years following this moment. _These creatures are unworthy._ Their disgusting blood sickens me, and I vow to destroy each and every one of them. We must purify the English race, and the only way to do this is to _remove _these pollutants within our society. You needn't try to save them. You cannot possibly try to hide them all at once, as they crawl among you like cockroaches. These _insects _contaminate even the most astute and distinguished environments, such as the government. But never fear, I will rescue you from them. With my followers alongside me, we will rain axes upon the disgusting heads of our enemies. They have invaded our shores, and I will not stand for it. They will learn their place. Their place is not here. Their place is not on this planet or this life. And I will _annihilate_ them. With my followers behind me, I will destroy them. You cannot see our attacks coming. You cannot predict us. Do not attempt to stop us. Resistance is useless, and I will not hesitate to move any obstacle from my way. I leave you with this warning: Do not try to stop me. This is only the beginning."

Remus shivered. The video was a bit theatrical and overdone, but it achieved its purpose. He was scared. Terrified, even. He'd noticed throughout the course of the man's admittedly corny monologue that his eyes glowed red beneath his ski mask, and the words out of his mouth took a whole new meaning. It meant _death_. But for whom?

The anchor reappeared on the screen, visibly shaken. She continued, though her voice was a bit quieter, and Sirius bumped up the volume quickly. "Though we are not one hundred percent sure what group of people this terrorist is aiming to attack, we have reason to believe he is narrowing his search for those of the Jewish faith. Of the six victims thus far, five were Jewish. The sixth was a Jewish man's wife. We have no doubt, however, that this man's hate spreads across those of more faiths than the Jews. Unfortunately, he seems to be targeting those of this particular faith for now. Later this evening, Police Chief Walter Reed will appear on the five o'clock news with some tips on staying safe during these dangerous times. In other news, -"

Sirius clicked the television off, shaken.

"Why in the world is someone targeting Jews?" whispered Remus, unable to find his voice completely.

"I don't know," said Sirius, his voice monotone and dead. "But it sounds like something my mother would support. Those with non-English blood should be _killed_ or something disgusting like that. But this man is insane. There's no way he actually has followers. He's probably just imagining them."

"I certainly hope so," said Remus. "But there's a lot of hate in the world, Sirius. People hated me for contracting a disease. I can understand that people sometimes hate other people for things they can't do anything about. It's… it's possible that he has followers."

"I hope there are only two," said Sirius. "And even that is two too many." Remus nodded. Cygna pattered over to the couch and rubbed against Sirius' legs, whining. Sirius smiled and patted her head, but she let out another whine.

"Do you think she's alright?" asked Remus worriedly, glad to think of something besides the terrorist on the television.

"Oh my God," muttered Sirius. "Oh God."

"What?" insisted Remus.

"She's having the puppies," gasped Sirius.

xxx

Move in day arrived, and Remus found that he was sad to leave the puppies. Their first eight weeks with their mother was nearly over, and soon he'd get to pick one to keep forever.

Remus looked up at his new dorm. He was in a different building this time - Sirius' building. He hefted the umpteenth box up and headed to the elevator, pushing the button for 'up'. When the doors slid open, Sirius was standing in it, alone.

"Let me take that off your hands," he said, grinning and grabbing the heavy box out of Remus' hands. "Hurry and grab another one and you can still make this elevator!" Remus complied, and ran through the elevator's steel doors just as they slid shut.

As soon as the doors shut, Sirius slammed Remus against the wall of the elevator and kissed him. Their room was situated on the top floor of the fifteen-floor building, so Remus decided that they could spend a few stolen moments here in the elevator.

"I'm so happy, Remus," he whispered. "This is going to be the best year of school _ever_. It's you and me, all the time. Even though it's a dorm, I get to come home to you now." Remus snickered.

"Don't be a ponce," he reminded Sirius as the elevator shuddered to a halt. The steely gray doors glided open and Remus lifted his box and carried it down the hall to their cramped dorm room.

Once there were enough boxes in the room, Remus managed to convince Sirius that he would be better served to open some of the boxes and put things away with Lily. Every few minutes, Sirius or James would enter the room with yet another brown box filled with all sorts of interesting items.

Lily and Remus put away almost all of the clothes and toiletries when Sirius and James collapsed onto the beds.

"Merlin, I am so tired," whined Sirius. "I can't believe we still have to _open _these."

"Lily and I are almost halfway through," commented Remus, pulling out his keys and moving to open a new box. He slid his key across the brown tape covering the crevices of the box and it tore. He pocketed his keys again and grasped each side of the lid of the box and ripped it open, the tape peeling off the sides. As he looked at the contents of the box, one of his eyebrows slid upward slowly, and he gave Sirius a pointed look.

"What?" asked Sirius.

"What are _these_?" asked Remus, pulling out a pair of metal handcuffs. Sirius flushed scarlet, much to Remus' surprise, and struggled to find a response.

"They're… I mean, they're… Obviously, those are for… um… They're for us," he concluded, flashing Remus a wicked grin. It was Remus' turn to blush and look astonished.

"For _us_?" he repeated.

"Of course," said Sirius smoothly. "But you weren't supposed to open _that_ box yet!" Remus dropped the handcuffs back into the box as though they'd burned his hand, throwing Sirius an exasperated look.

"Can we please change the subject?" begged James.

"Agreed," said Lily.

"We could always talk about _your_ sex life," offered Sirius.

"Please no," replied Remus, shuffling through another box, which was thankfully only filled with bed sheets. He pulled the sheets out and pushed Sirius off his bed, covering the mattress with the plain white fabric.

"Well, I guess Remus and I owe you two buggers food now, don't we?" grumbled Sirius, picking himself up off the floor.

"You sure do," groaned James from atop Sirius' bed. Lily chuckled, laying down beside him.

"Well," began Remus, "it's a little after five right now. Let's leave a little before six, and let's get some of this shit put away before we go get dinner. Deal?" James moaned a reply, which Remus assumed was an affirmative, so he began to dig through yet another brown packaging box. Slowly, James, Sirius, and Lily picked themselves up and began sorting through boxes with them – Sirius tossing the one with the handcuffs under his own bed. Outside, the sun set on the horizon, making the dormitory room glow orange, and giving everyone a temporary golden tan. (Though Lily looked more like an Oompa Loompa.) At five-fifty, Remus announced that they should get ready to go out, and James, who looked as though he was about to pass out, cheered and headed for their bathroom (_'Finally!' _rejoiced Remus. _'My own bathroom!'_). Remus heard water splashing, and James returned a moment later, looking quite refreshed, his face dripping.

"Good thing I just unpacked the towels," he commented, wiping one across his wet face. Lily laughed quietly, and then asked where they should go out to dinner.

"What are you in the mood for?"

"Nothing particularly healthy," said Sirius. "I've had enough exercise for one day."

"Something expensive," suggested James slyly, but Remus raised an eyebrow at him and he grinned back. "Or something cheap."

"There's a pizza place over on Fifth Avenue," suggested Lily.

"That's not on Fifth," said Sirius. "It's on that weird side street, beside Fletcher's."

"That's the place I mean," agreed Lily, nodding. "They have really good pizza. Let's go there!"

"Sounds good to me," said Remus. "James?"

"Pizza's good." Remus looked at Sirius and smiled. Sirius smiled warily back, then bent to pick up his wallet off the floor.

"I've got twenty," commented Sirius. "Remus?"

"I've got twenty-five. We should be set."

"Definitely," Lily assured them. "I got a pizza there for six pounds."

"Alright, let's go!" said Remus, opening the door to his friends. They walked out ahead of him, but Sirius paused, holding out his hand to Remus. Remus took it, smiling, and shut the door to their room behind him. His heart leapt in his chest, and Sirius' thumb swept over the back of his hand.

xxx

The stars were out above their heads, nearly invisible because of the streetlights. James and Lily walked ahead of Remus and Sirius, in nearly the same position – hands clasped, shoulders twitching with laughter, heads thrown back at opposite intervals, eyes meeting for mere moments before flitting to the ground.

It felt new again. The looming school year made Remus feel as though he was a freshman all over again. He looked around the familiar campus, memories surfacing from the previous year. He saw the bench where he met Severus, the coffee shop where he'd have to check in to see if he still had a place there, the small Italian restaurant that he had every intention of avoiding until he was sure Lyon Julian no longer worked there, and smiled at each memory. He sighed contentedly and leaned his head back to see the stars above.

"If you walk like that, you're going to run into someone," Sirius said.

"You wouldn't let me."

"Wouldn't I?" asked Sirius, his voice mischievous.

"Don't you dare," threatened Remus. "You won't like the result."

"What's my punishment?" asked Sirius.

"No kisses. Not for a week!"

"The horror!" cried Sirius, his left hand flying up to the side of his face, which was screwed up in faux pain. "Don't deprive me of the kisses!" He leaned over to Remus and kissed him square on the lips, pulling back quickly with a laugh.

"Hard right!" called James, steering both himself and Lily to the right. "This is the side-street!" Sirius took a deep breath beside Remus, as though he was calming himself. Remus' brow furrowed in curiosity, but before he could ask Sirius what was wrong, a deep bullfrog-like voice echoed across the street.

"Izzat Sir'us Black?" Remus turned and saw a short, chubby man standing outside of a bar. The green neon lights above the door marked it as _Fletcher's_. "Sir'us! Y'need yer new ske- _skejul_, m'boy!"

"You work at Fletcher's?" asked Remus, raising an eyebrow.

"The owner's a friend," muttered Sirius. "I'll be right back. Dung's right, I do need my schedule." Sirius took off at a run, pulling Dung Fletcher into the pub with him. He was back out again in less than a minute.

"Well?"

"I work next week, on Thursday," said Sirius. "Now let's get pizza please."

As they sat, happily munching on their pepperoni pizza and chatting, Remus wondered why Sirius had been so ashamed of working at Fletcher's. Remus had heard of the place before, and knew that it wasn't the _classiest_ of pubs in the area, but – for Merlin's sake – Remus worked at a coffee shop! A pub was much manlier than any coffee shop, no matter how dirty or trashy. He didn't care that Sirius worked at Fletcher's, despite its unwholesome reputation. He resolved to tell Sirius so later, when all the lights in their dorm room were out and they were wrapped up comfortably in each other's arms for the night.

"Sirius," he whispered in Sirius' ear. Sirius shivered.

"Hm?" he muttered sleepily, adjusting himself slightly, so that Remus' head was now on his chest.

"Fletcher's doesn't seem like a bad place to work," he said. Sirius snorted.

"It's bloody awful. Don't judge 'til you've tried it. And _never_ try it."

"It doesn't seem _too_ bad," repeated Remus.

"It's alright sometimes," muttered Sirius. He yawned. "Can we sleep now?" Remus didn't respond, but simply pulled himself closer to Sirius' warm body. He yawned as well, and shut his eyes.

As he tried to sleep, Remus saw all the things he had to _do_ the next day swirl about in his mind. Call Severus, finish unpacking, buy new books… It seemed as though school was about to start up again. He yawned again, relishing the feeling of Sirius against him, and relaxing into unconsciousness.

xxx

_Note: Less than two weeks. That is a big deal, people. THANK YOU to all my reviewers, who I just realized that I have not thanked yet. So, thank you for your very encouraging reviews! I hope you enjoy this new chapter._

_To anyone who cares: I finished Percy Jackson. It was fantastic, of course. But I thought The Last Olympian was a dumb title for the last book, but whatever. XD _

_ALSO, VERY IMPORTANT! A Very Potter Sequel! To everyone who hasn't seen A Very Potter Musical OR A Very Potter Sequel, GO ON YOUTUBE RIGHT NOW AND WATCH BOTH OF THEM. For the Remus and Sirius fans, both make appearances in AVPS. If you have seen it: Favorite song, character, and quote._

_Mine is: Getting Along, Remus Lupin, and "Wait 'til my father hears about this, Potter! He'll say, 'Draco, you god damn little poofer! Why don't you stop your whining and learn to use the potty like a normal human being!' And then he'll pull down my diaper, scold me for the mess I've left in it, and spank my cheeks as red as cherries!" Oh Draco Malfoy, Lauren Lopez… I f^king love you. Or there's Remus' quote: "That so-called Candy Lady was a DEATH EATER. She was about two seconds away from killing you, your little friend, and his pet night troll." Brian Holden. Oh my dear god. I love Team StarKid. CHECK THEM OUT, EVERYONE!_

_Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. The next one is a serious turning point: It's gonna be a big f^king deal. I can't promise it'll be out quickly, but I __*do* promise that it'll be out before I leave for college myself, on the 11__th__._

_Enjoy this super-long chapter… Longest yet!_

_I wanna drug and kill you. I mean hug and kiss you. Reviews plz?_

_Goldfishy_


	10. Chapter 10

Truth, Lies, and Sirius Black

Chapter 10

xxx

"Hi, Remus, it's Severus. I left my old Biology book back at my room, and my dorm is on the way to the coffee shop, so I was hoping you'd stop by there and we can walk over together. I'm in the West Slytherin dorm. If you aren't there, I'll just head over to the coffee shop though. See you." _Click_.

Remus leaned against the wall of the West Slytherin dorm, waiting for Severus. It was their first night of tutoring, the first Tuesday of the semester, and the day after Remus' first Biology class. He'd felt like a complete arse while the Professor rambled about things he'd never heard of before like _ribosomes_ and _phylum_. He was eager for Severus to explain what these things were, for more reasons than simply passing the class. _Ribosome_ was a very entertaining word, as Sirius had noticed.

"Remus! You got my message!" Severus' head popped out the door, grinning.

"Hey," said Remus, grinning back. "Yeah, just in time, too. I was turning my phone on just as I passed and stopped to listen to the message."

"Great. I've got my book. You ready to go?"

"Yep," said Remus, and the two friends headed toward the coffee shop together.

"How was your summer?" asked Severus. Remus shrugged in response.

"Quiet, mostly," he said. "Got together with some friends a few times. Helped a couple friends move into an apartment just off campus. Oh, and a friend's dog had puppies. I get to choose one next week!" Severus chuckled.

"What kind of dog?"

"I'm actually not sure," admitted Remus. "It's big, fluffy and black. And the puppies are adorable. The other dog must have been white, because the puppies are black, white and gray."

"Cute," commented Severus. Remus nodded. "What dorm are you in?"

"North Gryffindor," said Remus. Severus scoffed.

"I'm sorry," he laughed. "The Gryffindor dorms are always full of _jerks_." Remus shrugged.

"I've found some pretty good friends there," he said. "Last year I was in East Gryffindor, and it was fine. I liked my roommate a lot, but he ended up moving in with his girlfriend in North Hufflepuff, and I moved in with my, uh, friend, into North Gryffindor."

"Your uh-friend?" Remus blushed.

"Fine, my _boyfriend_," he admitted. Severus jumped.

"Oh!" he said, surprised. "Sorry, I didn't mean to pry if you didn't want to tell me or something."

"It's alright," said Remus. "We're friends, and I'm glad I can tell you. I'm glad you're alright with it." Severus shrugged.

"It's no big deal," he said. "Lyon's gay too, so it would be kind of stupid if I had a problem with _you_ being gay but not him. And trust me, if I have a problem with anyone being gay, it's Lyon. He hits on me a lot. It's a bit uncomfortable sometimes, the lengths he takes those jokes to…" Remus laughed.

"When I worked with him, he _always_ was hitting on me," he said, chuckling at the memory of Sirius' fist aiming for Lyon's face. "Eventually, my boyfriend just came in and beat the crap out of him. Lyon got fired and Sirius got banned from the shop, but –"

"Sirius?" Severus froze, giving Remus a surprised stare, his hand on the door handle of the coffee shop. "Sirius _who_?" Remus bit his lip. He'd always avoided using James and Sirius' names around Severus for this very reason.

"Um, Sirius Black," he said hesitantly. He wasn't surprised when Severus' expression darkened then went defensively blank.

"Sirius Black," he said slowly, hatefully, "is your boyfriend?" Remus tried not to gulp nervously.

"Um, yes," he said, noticing that all he could say was "um."

"Does _Sirius Black_ know that you're _friends_ with me?" Severus' expression made Remus want to crawl into a hole and die. He took a deep breath. This had to happen at some point, he knew, and it was better earlier than later. (_Maybe._) It was better to just let Severus know about the whole thing and keep the air clear.

"Yes, he does," said Remus, before hurrying into an explanation. "He told me about the things he and James did to you in high school, as well. Look, I can't apologize for them, and I won't ask you to forgive them, but I do want to assure you that they've changed." Severus snorted.

"People like them never change, Remus," he said scathingly. "All they do is get worse. Here's a deal for _you_, Remus. You won't talk to me about them ever again, and I won't talk about them ever again, either. I'm going to tell you what I think about this, and then we'll never talk about it again. Honestly, I think you're making a grave mistake by befriending Sirius Black and James Potter. They will stab you in the back when you least expect it. They might look like friends now, but it won't stay that way." Severus took a deep breath and let out a furious, shuddering sigh. "I'm not going to judge you for being friends with them," he continued tersely. "I know that you're a good person. I can practically smell it on you. And let me tell you, Black and Potter take advantage of people like that." With that, Severus wrenched the door of the coffee shop open and went inside, leaving a very shaken Remus behind.

Remus took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He knew Severus had every right to think that way of Sirius and James, but he couldn't help but feel angry and defensive. His friends had matured since high school. They didn't go around playing tricks on people or bullying people just because they could. They were responsible and caring. Remus ran his hands through his hair and tried to calm down.

He felt sorry for Severus for so many reasons: because James and Sirius had bullied him long ago, because he didn't know the James and Sirius that Remus knew so intimately, because he seemed to be so bitter from the whole experience. His pity calmed him more than anything. He reached for the door as well, and saw Severus in line, glaring at the menu.

They both quickly ordered their coffee and went to sit down at a free table. Remus shifted uncomfortably in his seat. The silence was stifling.

"Who are you living with this year?" asked Remus, trying to make Severus stop glowering at the Biology book in front of him.

"No one," replied Severus. "I was with a freshman, but he dropped out. It's a good thing overall. He was only there for a couple days before he left. And now I've got a whole lot more room." He smiled a bit, and Remus relaxed. Maybe the evening was salvageable.

"Really? That must be nice. I don't have a lot of space in my room, personally. Um, my roommate has a lot of junk that he just refuses to throw away." Severus' jaw twitched, but he said nothing. Remus shrugged. "I suppose there isn't much I can do about that, though. _My_ side of the room is always clean, though."

"Yes, I'm a bit of a neat-freak as well," said Severus. "Order is very important. Otherwise how would you find anything?"

"No idea," agreed Remus, grinning enthusiastically. "Well, we'd better get started on this Biology, if I want to pass this semester." Severus nodded, and they opened the book to the first chapter.

xxx

As Remus entered his dorm room, he noticed Sirius was lying on _Remus'_ bed instead of his own. And he was _reading_.

"Sirius, what are you doing?" asked Remus warily. Sirius looked up from his book – which was positioned the right way up, confusing Remus further – and his face broke into an enormous grin.

"Remus! Finally! I thought your tutoring session with Frumpy was going to take _forever_!" He dropped the book onto Remus' bed and jumped up to give Remus a Welcome-Home kiss and hug.

"What are you _doing_?" repeated Remus, staring at Sirius, dumbfounded.

"Reading," said Sirius, as though he did it all the time. "I was looking through your books and I found one that sounded good. It's called _A Tale of Two Cities_. I think I'm nearly halfway done with it."

Dickens. Sirius was reading Dickens. For fun.

"I started it yesterday while you were at class. I can't put it down!"

Dickens. Sirius had started Dickens yesterday and was halfway through. For fun.

"Did the author write anything else?"

Dickens. Sirius was asking what else Dickens had written. Because he wanted to read more. For fun.

Remus had never been so turned on in his life.

"You know, I always thought you were so nerdy for reading so much – cute, too though! – but now I kind of get it. I'm so nervous for what's going to happen. The French Revolution doesn't end very well for anyone involved, so I can't see this book having a happy ending, but I just _have_ to know how it ends. And that drunk Sidney Carton guy is a really funny char –"

Sirius was probably surprised that Remus had grabbed him so suddenly and kissed him so forcefully, but Remus really couldn't care less. He kissed Sirius harder than he ever had before, pressing Sirius against the door and gasping as Sirius moaned in pleasure.

"R-Remus," gasped Sirius, "what the – the hell… Where did this c-come from?" Remus paused, then gently kissed Sirius' neck.

"This came from you," he whispered into Sirius' ear. "This is because you're you, and you were _reading_ because _you_ wanted to." Sirius chuckled weakly.

"I get this for being literate? I should read more often."

"Yes, you definitely should," growled Remus, biting at Sirius neck. Sirius said nothing, but ran his hands up Remus' back under his shirt before pulling it off.

"I like you like this," said Sirius, grinning wickedly. "It's pretty sexy."

"Almost as sexy as you are when you read," said Remus, fully aware that he sounded a bit ridiculous and shoving Sirius onto his bed.

"Looks like you're finally rubbing off on me," said Sirius, though he didn't seem to mind.

"More than that," replied Remus, grinding against Sirius, whose witty reply was drowned out by a loud, longing groan. The rest of their clothes were discarded in a breathless frenzy, thrown about their room, and Remus heard every noise Sirius made, no matter how quiet, each like a foghorn in his ears.

"Oh, fucking shit, Remus, _fuck_."

"Come on, oh _Jesus_, fucking – Remus, fucking, _harder_!"

Remus couldn't believe this amazing man had happened to him. Sirius Black, the man who could have anyone, had chosen Remus. And he liked what Remus did. He liked that Remus read, ate way too much chocolate, and sometimes thought Sirius was a bit immature.

But Sirius was maturing before Remus' eyes. He was transforming from boy to man, in so many ways. (For one thing, Sirius actually had to shave now.) He was beginning to understand that intelligence was equally important to fun – and more importantly, that it could _be_ fun itself. Remus had been forced into maturity too early in high school. He'd been left alone with his books, and his love of reading had increased tenfold, but it was nothing to being with another person.

And now, Sirius was learning what Remus had in reverse. It was wonderful to be around other people, to converse and laugh and play drinking games on Tuesday afternoons, but sometimes it was just as much fun to sit in a quiet room and read.

Remus had never been very religious, but, as he came alongside Sirius with an intense groan, he thanked any deity that might exist for Sirius' presence in his life. He felt like Sirius had, in a way, saved him. He'd been in danger of becoming one of those people with no friends (except Lily, of course) and he might have simply ended up alone with his books again. But when Sirius had reached out to him that day, when Remus had left him at the café, Remus hadn't thought his life could or would progress this way. He'd never been happier.

xxx

Remus looked out the window of his room into the inky black sky, his foot twitching, feeling antsy. He glanced down at the sidewalk below, hoping to see Sirius coming into the dorm, even though he wouldn't be finished at work for another four hours. He sighed and looked down at his Biology book. Annoyed, he slammed it shut. He didn't have class until Monday, and he could never study very well without Sirius in the room anyway.

'_I hate Thursdays,' _thought Remus, irritated.

He knew he was being a bit unreasonable. He only hated Thursdays when Sirius worked on Thursdays. Just like how he hated Wednesdays when Sirius worked, or Tuesdays, or Mondays. Any day that Sirius worked felt like hell. Remus reached over and grabbed his phone, quickly dialing Lily's number.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Lily," he said. "Are you busy tonight?"

"James and I were about to go get something to eat, but you're welcome to come along," she said happily. "I haven't seen you all week! Ugh, school is ridiculous."

"Well, where are you guys going?"

"We haven't decided," she said. "Do you have an idea?"

"We could visit Sirius at work," suggested Remus.

"I don't know, Remus, Fletcher's is a pretty intense crowd," said Lily. "There are a lot of fights there."

"It's a Thursday, Lily," insisted Remus. "I really doubt there'll be a bar fight on a Thursday on campus."

"That's true," agreed Lily. "Alright. James, want to go visit Sirius at Fletcher's? Okay, cool. Remus is coming. Yeah, his idea. Remus?"

"Yeah?"

"We're in! We'll meet you at your dorm in twenty minutes, okay?"

"Sounds good," said Remus. "I have to get ready." Lily groaned. "Don't worry, I promise I'll match!"

"You better!" threatened Lily, but he heard the laugh behind her voice. "See you!" Remus hung up, feeling a little better. He would see Sirius, be in the same room as him. He let out a breath of relief. Just the thought of being near Sirius made him feel better. He threw on blue sweater over his white collared shirt and a pair of brown corduroys. And, of course, the traditional brown sandals. (It was almost winter – he'd have to put them away soon!) He hurried down seven flights of stairs just in time to see James and Lily, about to push the button to open the door.

"Hi!" he said as he pushed the door open.

"Eager?" asked James, raising an eyebrow.

"My room is lonely," said Remus, cracking a grin. "It's really quiet without him there."

"Yeah, and when I lived with him I took advantage of that and studied," said James. Remus shrugged.

"I need to tune him out to concentrate." James laughed.

"Figures," he said. "Anyway, Fletcher's is right by that pizza place, right?"

"Yep."

"Off we go then," said James, taking Lily's hand. Lily wrapped her arm around Remus' waist, and he laid his own across her shoulders.

"You know something?" she said after a moment of walking in silence.

"Hm?" said James.

"We're like a big happy family," she said. "I don't know what I'd do without you guys – even Sirius!"

"Hey!" said James and Remus together. Lily laughed.

"You know what I mean! He gets on my nerves sometimes." She squeezed Remus's side. "But I'm so glad you found him, Remus. I have _never_ seen you happy like this!"

"I've never _felt_ happy like this!" said Remus. "If it wasn't a weird thing to do, I'd get up on one of the buildings and proclaim it to the whole world how happy I am and why."

"I don't think the whole world would be able to hear you, mate."

"Shut up, James," said Lily. "Remus is having a cute moment."

"I thought I was always cute!" said Remus, feigning offense. "Lily! You wound me with your words!"

"Like a knife to the heart, right?" said James, snickering. "Sticks and stones, Lily."

"That doesn't make any sense," said Lily, glowering. "It's 'sticks and stones may break my bones but _words can never hurt me_.'"

"Well, your words hurt," said Remus, jumping to James' aid. "You're much more hurtful than a stick or a stone."

"I'll throw both at you, then we'll see what hurts more," she muttered. James laughed and used his left hand to ruffle her hair.

"We're just joking, Lily Flower," he said.

"Easy, mate," said Remus. "Don't go for her hair again; she'll rip your hand off!"

"He's not wrong," growled Lily, pulling her hands back from both young men and trying to fix her hair.

"Please accept my humblest apologies, my love," said James, taking her left hand into both of his own and kissing it. Lily blushed, rolled her eyes, and said nothing.

"We walked right past Fletcher's," commented Remus.

"About face!" said James, doing a terrible imitation of a solider. Lily burst into laughter and James' face fell.

"What?" he asked. "It wasn't that funny!"

"Oh, yes it was," said Remus, laughing and holding the door open for his friends.

Fletcher's was dark. There wasn't a better description. The lighting was terrible; it was nearly impossible to see where to walk, let alone who else was there. The employees wore black slacks and black shirts, with black aprons. Remus squinted, trying to see if there was anyone in front of him, and accidently slammed right into James.

"Sorry," he said.

"S'alright," said James.

"How many?" croaked a voice near Remus' shoulder. He looked down, and through the darkness, the pale skin of a very small woman was jut visible.

"Three," said James. "And, um, if it's possible, could we have Sirius be our waiter?"

"Sirius doesn't wait tables," said the woman 's coarse voice. "He works in the back room."

"The kitchen?" asked James.

"No," said the woman, "_the back room_."

"Can I see him?" asked Remus. Though he couldn't see it, he got the impression that the woman had raised her eyebrows.

"You want to see Sirius?" she rasped, her voice skeptical. "Well, I'll check if he's free."

"He'll see me," Remus assured her. "Just point me where to go."

"And give you a flashlight," added James under his breath. Lily chuckled.

"That way," said the woman. "Last door on your left."

"We'll wait before we order," said Lily.

"Thanks," said Remus. "I won't be long. I'll just say hi." He thought he saw James nod, but it was hard to tell in the darkness. As he walked down the pitch-black hallway, Remus was glad that it was the _last_ door. That meant he could simply walk into the wall if he needed to. Hands extended before him, he reached the wall and felt his way to the first door to his left. He paused for a moment and listened. There was no noise behind the door. He turned the knob and the door opened noiselessly.

He wished he'd found a dead body. It would have been less horrifying.

Instead he found Sirius, nearly bare, seated on a stranger in an enormous navy armchair. Remus couldn't see his hands, and he didn't want to. What he did see were Sirius' lips latched firmly onto this other man's mouth, wide open with a stranger's tongue in his mouth. Slowly, Sirius' right arm began to move back and forth, though his hand was invisible.

Remus let go of the doorknob. He couldn't move.

Sirius was hardly covered. He wore only a pair of shiny black underpants. Remus' stomach lurched as he remembered, the same day he'd met Severus, Sirius telling him that he wore them to work.

And suddenly, Remus thought he was going to throw up. He fell to his knees and coughed. He hadn't eaten for hours, so nothing came up but acid.

"What the bloody fucking hell is - ?" The stranger's voice was rough and unattractive. Remus doubled over again and more stomach acid came up.

"Remus!" Sirius' beautiful velvet voice cut Remus like a knife. He couldn't stop the scream that passed through his lips. He felt hands and arms against him, and a bite on his back that told him Sirius had something metal on his wrist. Sirius tried to pull him up, but he wrenched himself away.

He looked at Sirius. He took in Sirius' expression. Worry, concern, fear. Remus stumbled to his feet and backed away from Sirius, eyes wide with horror.

"Remus, I –" began Sirius, holding his hands up, right hand dangling a manacle, but Remus cut him off.

"Don't you dare." He tried to scream at Sirius, to yell and holler, but it only came out as a whisper. "Don't even try." Though his legs weren't functioning properly, Remus turned and tried to run. He stumbled down the dark passageway, looking for the door, Lily, James, the woman who worked there – anything, anyone that could get him out of here.

"Remus?" He turned toward the familiar voice – Lily. "Oh my God, Remus, what's wrong? James!"

Lily pulled Remus outside Fletcher's and pressed him for information. "What happened? Remus, Remus, you've got to tell me what's wrong."

But all Remus could manage was "S-Sirius. S-Sirius." Lily and James exchanged a glance and James bolted back into Fletcher's. Remus' stomach churned. James was going to see what Remus had just witnessed. The image reappeared in Remus' mind, burning itself into his retinas, and he doubled over again, heaving.

"Remus!" gasped Lily.

There sounded like there was an explosion from inside the pub. Lily looked in, terrified, but she couldn't bring herself to leave Remus alone like this. A moment later, James reappeared in the doorway, hauling Sirius before him by the neck.

"Oh my God," said Lily, taking in Sirius' appearance with horror. From his bare chest to his shiny black Speedo, from the slick sheen of sweat and something much worse to the purpling bruise on his eye.

"_Explain_," growled James, shaking Sirius violently. Sirius pulled himself from James' grasp.

"Just let me talk!" begged Sirius. "Just give me a second to talk!"

"You can talk if you're explaining what the fuck you're doing here," snapped James. "Come on, let's hear it, Sirius."

"Remus," said Sirius pleadingly, "Remus, I needed a job. I need to pay for college. I love you. Please, let me explain."

"EXPLAIN!" roared James.

"He won't look at me," said Sirius.

"You don't deserve that much," snarled Lily. Remus was still on his knees on the cement. Lily dropped down beside him and wrapped her arms around him, but he didn't seem to see her or feel her. He didn't move an inch. "Explain, Sirius. _Now_."

Sirius took a deep breath, and it sounded as though he was trying not to cry. "Remus, Dung Fletcher asked me if I wanted a job the first week here last year. I thought he meant waiting tables. I agreed, and when I got there, he sent me to the back room, and one of the other –" he gulped "– the other _guys _told me what we were doing. I hadn't even met you, Remus. And then I was bound into this job, and I needed to keep it. I need the money, Remus, or I'll be paying loans and debts for years. Remus, I love you, I love you so much. Please…"

Boiling anger shot through Remus' veins. His head whipped up and he gave Sirius a look of pure hatred.

"Don't you fucking lie to me," he seethed. "Your uncle left you more than enough money to pay off your school loans, and then some."

"My parents ended up with it," said Sirius. "I thought I was going to get all of it, but my parents found a loophole in the will. I don't get my inheritance until I'm thirty. My parents have it in the meantime. It'll be gone by the time I'm thirty, Remus. I – I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry about me."

"Success," said Remus, spite thick in his voice. He stood and looked Sirius right in the face. "I won't worry about you ever again." Sirius' eyes flew wide.

"Wait, no, Remus, don't say that!" he begged. "I'll do anything, please, don't do this!"

"I didn't do anything," said Remus, backing away from Sirius. "You did it."

"Remus, I told you, it was before I even met you!"

"Which means," Remus said, "that you've been doing this for our entire relationship." Sirius' mouth opened and closed several times in succession, like a fish out of water. Remus took a deep breath. "Yeah. The whole time, Sirius. You say you have trouble trusting people because of your parents. You know what I say? I say it's _bullshit_. You're just a selfish bastard. Did you think I'd _never_ find out? Did you think what you were doing was _okay_? Did you think that _I _would be able to trust _you_ after I found out?" He shook his head. His hands were balled into fists and were shaking at his sides. It took all of his self-control not to hit Sirius. "Fuck you, Sirius."

Remus turned and walked away jerkily, arms shaking. He didn't look back, though Sirius called out his name a few times before James stifled him. Remus knew Lily was following him, but he ignored her. He headed back to his dormitory, walked up the seven flights of stairs, and entered their room. He looked around. Everywhere, there was evidence of _them_. Them as a couple. On the corkboard above their bed were several pictures of them together, and one of them with Lily and James.

Remus reached out and ripped the pictures down before tearing them to pieces and throwing them on Sirius' bed.

He grabbed a small suitcase and flung it onto his bed. He packed quickly, throwing clothes into the suitcase. He headed to the bathroom and grabbed his toiletries. He looked around the room. His books were still strewn about, along with all of his notes for his classes.

Sirius had class tomorrow at two. Remus would come back then and get his books. He turned and left the room, dragging his suitcase behind him. He pushed the down arrow on the elevator, and a moment later, when the gray doors slid open, when Remus stood in the elevator, he didn't look back down the hallway.

xxx

_Buzz_. Remus stood outside another dorm twenty minutes later. He'd finally figured out which room he needed to buzz. _Buzz_.

"Hello?" said a voice, distorted by the ancient speaker.

"Severus Snape?" asked Remus. His voice sounded strange, even to himself.

"…Remus?" Severus sounded confused.

"Yes."

"What's up?"

"Can I stay with you tonight please?"

"Oh," said Severus, shock evident in his voice. "Sure, hang on, I'll come down."

"Don't bother," said Remus. "Fifth floor?"

"Yeah, room two-twenty-four."

"Thanks." A moment later, the door rattled and Remus reached out and wrenched it open. Remus went to the elevator and pushed the up arrow. As the elevator rattled upward, Remus saw his reflection, slightly distorted, in the elevator door. He couldn't understand his own expression. It was so flat and blank. He thought of every picture he'd seen of himself in the past year. In each one, he was either laughing and smiling, or making some ridiculous face on purpose. He always looked so happy. This expression didn't look right on his face after so much happiness.

He didn't deserve this.

The doors slid open, revealing the fifth floor of the West Slytherin dorm. Remus walked down the hallway, though it seemed to last forever. Two-oh-two. Two-oh-four. One foot in front of the other. He could see Sirius jerking off that other man in his mind. His knees began to shake. Two-fourteen. Two-sixteen. He heard Sirius trying to explain, but only making it so much worse. "It started before I even met you, Remus." It rang in his ears. His head hurt. He gasped, trying to hear something besides Sirius' voice giving him pathetic excuses. Two-twenty, two-twenty-two.

At last.

He knocked on the door once, and it flung open almost immediately.

"Oh no," said Severus, comprehending immediately. "What happened? Remus?"

But Remus couldn't speak. He took a few steps into Severus' room before his legs gave out and he crumpled to the floor and – finally – began to cry.

xxx

Remus woke up in a strange room. The bed he was in wasn't his own – it wasn't nearly big enough, and Sirius' warmth wasn't beside him. Where was he? And why did he feel like such shit?

Slowly, he sat up and looked around. Across the room, Severus was still asleep in his own bed. Severus.

"_Please, let me explain, Remus."_ Remus felt like he was going to throw up again. The memories of the night before seeped into his conscious mind and he gasped for air, trying his hardest not to throw up in Severus' room. He shuddered, but managed to keep all of his stomach acid in his stomach; unfortunately, he'd woken Severus.

"Morning," muttered Severus, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. Remus could think of nothing to say that wasn't a lie, so he said nothing.

Severus had been perfect the night before. He'd let Remus cry on his shoulder for hours before Remus finally fell asleep from exhaustion. Severus had let Remus punch the floor, the wall, himself… Everything but letting Remus hit _Remus_. He'd let him scream, even though his neighbors had pounded against the walls when it was nearing one in the morning. He'd held Remus as he fell asleep, gently wiping away his tears, though more followed each time.

"Thank you," Remus muttered. He was embarrassed by his behavior. He didn't even know Severus that well, but he'd put this burden on him? It was rude. But Severus shook his head.

"No need to thank me," he said. "Though, I would like to know what happened." Remus shuddered.

"I don't know if I can tell you," he said. Just thinking about it made it hard to breath properly. His throat closed over and he choked for breath. He doubted he could get out the whole story.

"Was it Black?" asked Severus gently. Remus nodded, closing his eyes to hold back the tears. Severus growled a bit, but continued. "He did something… bad?" Remus tried to laugh, but sounded more like a strangled cough.

"Yes, he did," said Remus.

"Did he hurt you?" Remus raised an eyebrow to Severus. "Physically, I mean," clarified Severus. Remus shook his head.

"No," he replied. "In comparison, I wish he had." Severus looked surprised.

"Did he try to kill you or something?" asked Severus. This time, Remus managed a laugh.

"No, no," he said.

"Worse?"

"No one died," said Remus. _'No one's body died,'_ he amended in his head.

"Did he cheat on you?" asked Severus, his voice no longer joking or amused. Remus' breath caught in his throat. He felt tears stinging at his eyes as he nodded. He couldn't see Severus' sympathetic look, but he could feel it. "Oh, Remus. I'm so sorry."

Remus couldn't tell if he was glad that Severus wasn't saying "I told you so" or not. He felt like a fool for trusting Sirius, but he didn't want anyone to rub it in his face. He was in enough pain. But he wanted to rant and rave about Sirius, to yell and scream that Sirius was a bastard who'd taken his heart and ripped it to shreds. He wanted to say it to someone who would understand exactly what it felt like to be humiliated by Sirius Black. He wanted _Severus _to tell _him _that Sirius was a bastard. But he couldn't find the words to start.

"Listen to me, Remus," said Severus, standing and moving to sit beside Remus on the bed. "Listen. Sirius Black has never been anything but a selfish, immature _prick_. He hasn't ever deserved someone like you. He doesn't deserve to even look at you, think about you, or even be in the same country as you. Don't let this destroy you, because he doesn't deserve it. He doesn't deserve this kind of emotion from anyone, least of all someone as good as you."

"_I gave him everything!_" screamed Remus suddenly, falling forward onto Severus' lap. "I gave him more of me than I've _ever_ given to _anyone_! I'm such a fucking _idiot_!"

"No," said Severus. "No, stop it. Stop torturing yourself. It's not your fault. He tricks even the best of people. What you need to do is put him behind you. Not right this second, but when you're ready. You need to learn from this, grow stronger from this. You need to work through the pain, and understand that it _wasn't your fault_."

"How could it be my fault?" moaned Remus. "But how could it be anything _but_ my fault? What did I _do_ to make him think that… that I wasn't worth it?"

"He's delusional," snarled Severus. "Listen to me, Remus. _Don't let him win_. If you think it's your fault, you're letting him win. This is… This is _what he wants_! This is what he _does_ to people! This is the only thing he's good at, and he can fake the rest in between. Don't let him win, Remus. Please, I don't think I could stand it."

Hiccuping, Remus looked up into Severus' black eyes. He saw pity – the prominent emotion – and yet, confidence. Severus was so sure that Remus could get through this, so sure that Remus was strong enough to overcome what Sirius had done to him. Remus felt a bit of that strength in the pit of his stomach, warming him a little.

"Remus?"

"Hm."

"If you ever need to talk about it, or just yell or cry or anything, you can come to me. If you need someone who can really understand, I'm here. I promise." Remus stiffened at the words. _Promises were lies_. But this was not Sirius – this was Severus, who strove to be the opposite of Sirius in every way. If Sirius' promises were lies, then Severus' weren't.

"Thanks," said Remus. "Do you mind if I stay for a few nights, so I can get my stuff together and find an apartment? I mean, if not, it's alright, I can stay with James and Lily, but I'm afraid I'll run into –" He paused, unable to say Sirius' name.

"You can stay here as long as you need to," said Severus. "For the rest of the semester, if that's what it takes." Remus managed a weak smile.

"Thank you," he repeated.

"Don't thank me," said Severus.

xxx

It was almost noon. Remus sat, alone in Severus' dorm room, waiting to turn his phone on. He knew he'd probably have messages. Definitely at least two from Lily, maybe one from James. He hoped he had none from Black, because he didn't think he could stand to hear his voice. He glanced at the clock. Eleven-fifty-five. Black would be leaving for class any minute. He always left as late as he possibly could.

Remus flipped open his phone and pressed the _on_ button. After a few moments, the home screen loaded, and it was immediately bombarded with messages – both texts and voicemails.

Twenty texts from Lily. Ten from James. Forty from Black.

Ten voicemails from Lily. Three from James. Thirty from Black.

_Remus, where are you? _

_Are you alright? Are you safe?_

_I swear to god, Remus Lupin, if I don't hear from you soon, I'm calling your mother._

_Listen Remus, Sirius is an idiot, but don't punish Lily and I for it, alright?_

_Remus, please, text me back. Call me back. Anything. I love you. I love you._

_REMUS LUPIN I AM FREAKING THE FUCK OUT, WHERE ARE YOU?_

_Sirius called me and said you took some of your stuff and your suitcase. Listen, if you're running away, cool, just call me or Lily or Sirius and tell us that you're safe._

_James beat up Sirius. He bled. It was awesome._

Remus shuddered as he looked through the never-ending texts. He was dreading listening to Lily shout at him over the phone. Even more, he was dreading hearing Black's likely-morose voice begging him to forgive him. He couldn't help but snort. Like that was going to happen anytime soon. Or ever.

Just before he pressed speed dial 1 for his voicemail, mentally preparing for the torment, his phone vibrated in his hand.

_Lily Evans_, it read. Remus sighed and clicked _Accept_.

"Hello?" he said tentatively.

"REMUS!" screamed Lily. "OH MY GOD, JAMES, HE PICKED UP!"

"Lily, you're hurting my ears," said Remus.

"GOOD!" she screeched. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU JUST PUT ME THROUGH? I HAVEN'T SLEPT ALL NIGHT, YOU GOD DAMN ASSHOLE! I'VE SPENT THE NIGHT YELLING AT JAMES AND SIRIUS AND THE WALL, BECAUSE YOU VANISHED OFF THE FACE OF THE GOD DAMN EARTH, YOU STUPID, STUPID PRICK!"

"Lily, give me the phone," said James' voice in the background. "No, Lily, seriously, let me have it." There was a fumbling noise, then, much clearer, James said, "Remus?"

"Yeah?"

"Where are you?"

"With Severus," he said. "And don't tell Black. I don't want him to know where I am."

"Right," said James. "You're safe? You have somewhere to stay?"

"Yeah. Severus offered his place 'til the end of the semester."

"How are you going to get your stuff?"

"I was going to go get it while Black is at class," said Remus. Somehow, his surname didn't hurt as much. Maybe it was because the Black family was filled with people who liked to hurt people. It made him more of an idea than a person who could love and be loved.

"Okay," said James. "I'll let him know when not to be in the room."

"If you tell him I'm coming during his classes, he won't go to class," said Remus.

"I know. I'll make sure he's not there," James assured him. Remus took a deep breath. Trusting James was risky. James and Black were best friends. But there was something in James' voice that made Remus believe in him.

"Thanks," he said.

"No problem," said James, before hanging up. Remus sighed with relief. James Potter was, in all, a good friend. He'd braved Lily's wrath and saved Remus from having to answer all sorts of painful questions. He'd answer them someday, but for now, he just couldn't. He wasn't ready.

He stood and stretched. It was time to get up. Time to try to be a human being.

xxx

A week later, and Lily still called Remus every day, leaving a message, begging for information, begging him to call her (while she was awake) and talk to him. Every night, at two in the morning, he called her and left another message that told her very little – the bare minimum. He was still where he was, he was going to class, he was eating. Though he didn't mention that he couldn't keep said food down. He didn't want to worry her any more than he already was.

James had called and left a message on Tuesday, promising Remus that Black would be out of the dorm room on Thursday, starting at noon. Remus almost threw up when he heard the message. Black worked on Thursdays.

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, Remus would creep into the community bathroom and listen to one of Sirius' thirty voicemails and cry until he threw up. He missed Sirius so much it hurt, but it hurt even more to remember Sirius touching that other man so gently, so lovingly, so sensually. He choked up whatever he'd eaten that day whenever he saw Sirius' lips, smiling against the dark haired man's mouth.

And it was only these moments, stolen at night, without even Severus' knowledge, that Remus let himself think Sirius' given name. He'd whisper Sirius' name like it was a word forbidden by law, like he'd be banished for saying it. But in the morning, it was back to _Black_, or nothing at all. Severus seemed to know when Remus wanted to talk about it and when he didn't, and when Remus could handle the world and when he couldn't. Remus had never been more thankful to a friend before in his life.

But finally, Thursday came, and – at noon, after retching for almost an hour – Remus picked up the courage to go over to his old dorm, his old room, his old life, and pick up the scattered remains.

He slid his electronic key into the lock and waited for the click. Slowly, he opened the door, trying to be quiet. He poked his head in, but it was empty. He sighed in relief. He hadn't seen Black in a week, and though both thoughts made him equally sick, he didn't want to see him again for a long, long time. He shut the door behind him and looked around the room.

Black had taped together all of the pictures that Remus had shredded, and they were back on the corkboard. Remus' stomach churned and he breathed through his nose to keep from vomiting. He looked down at Black's bed – one of Remus' leftover sweaters was there, and it looked as though Black had been sleeping with it. Remus couldn't decide if he wanted to take it or leave it. Taking it meant he had to touch it, but leaving it gave Black permission to cuddle with it. Both options were rather revolting. In the end, he decided that it would make a much better statement if he took it with him, so, after pulling out his large purple suitcase, he gingerly took his sweater between two fingers and tossed it into the bottom. He noticed salt stains on the left shoulder. Black had been _crying_ onto his sweater?

A sick anger pooled in his stomach. Black had no reason to cry. The dumb bastard had brought any pain on himself. He _deserved_ to feel like shit, but he didn't deserve to express it on Remus' sweater.

As quickly as possible, Remus began throwing his things into the purple suitcase. He wanted to get out soon; he felt uncomfortable, vulnerable in this room.

Finally, after nearly an hour of work, almost all of Remus' possessions were stuffed into the purple suitcase. He was in the process of pulling down his last poster – one of the band _Vertical Horizon _– when he heard the door creak open.

He froze.

No, James wouldn't have done that to him. Not James. His heart stopped beating for five entire seconds before Remus remembered that he needed to breathe. Slowly, he turned, and sighed with relief.

It wasn't Black. It was James.

"Couldn't you have called ahead?" he gasped, blissfully relieved that it was James Potter. James looked a but surprised.

"I did," he said. "Your phone was off."

"Oh," said Remus, embarrassed. "Sorry, I just… keep getting messages from Lily and Black, and I just don't want to deal with them."

"That's kind of why I'm here," admitted James. "Look, I know what Sirius did was completely unforgivable to you. And it should be, and I'm not going to tell you to forgive him – ever. But at least talk to Lily. She misses you, and she won't stop talking about how she's worried about you, and it's driving me mad."

"I call her every day," mumbled Remus. James laughed.

"Come on, Remus," he said. "You leave her messages at four in the morning sometimes. She calls you every day – at reasonable hours, I'd like to add – and you call her back at four am? Give her a break, please. She didn't do anything."

"It's not because she _did_ anything," said Remus immediately. "I'm not angry with her for anything. I just don't know if I can hear her talk about him. She'll just talk about how bad he is and how I'm such an angel and not to blame. I can deal with it for a while and from some people, but Lily won't let it drop, ever. And she…" He took a deep breath and looked away before continuing to roll up the poster. "She'll pity me."

"I pity you," said James. "Does that make me unworthy?"

"It's not about being unworthy. It's about how much I can take right now. I can handle you and I can handle Severus. Please don't ask me to take on more than I can right now. I'm trying not to fail every single class."

"I'll talk to Lily," said James. "I'll make sure she talks about something else. Just, please. Can the three of us go out sometime? We can go to that Italian place." Remus sighed. He wasn't going to win this one.

"You, me, and Lily?"

"That's all, us three," James promised. Remus looked around at him.

"Fine," he said. "When?"

"Tomorrow," replied James. "I actually already made the reservation. We were either going to take you or him and try to talk some sense into one of you."

"Excuse me?" growled Remus.

"Face it, Remus, you're becoming a hermit. And Sirius isn't much better. When he isn't in class or… um… in class, he's here, moaning and crying and calling me."

"You _talk_ to him?"

"I do, but Lily doesn't," he said, shrugging. "Look, Remus, Sirius is my best mate. He has been for years. There's no way I'm just going to leave him in the dust. I can't say I'm happy with him right now, but I'm trying to be unbiased right now so I can try to fix this."

"There's nothing to fix," said Remus. "If you ask me, everything is just the way it should be."

"What, you and Sirius both miserable?"

"Him, succeeding in destroying yet another heart, and me, finally a safe distance from him."

"Come on, Remus," began James, but Remus shook his head.

"No, James," he said. "I won't listen. I won't forgive him for this. I won't let him back in. If you could feel what I feel, you wouldn't even question it. Do you know what happens when I say his name?" He glared at James.

"No, you won't talk to anyone."

"I _throw up_, James. I can't _say his name_ without throwing up. I wake up every morning and almost _hurl _because all I can dream about anymore is _him_ with that _guy_ at _work_, like it's _nothing_! He was cheating on me from the first day we got together. Our relationship with nothing but a lie. What I thought was _love_ was nothing but a _lie_."

"How often do you throw up?" asked James.

"Every day," said Remus. "I can't keep anything down. I'm trying to be normal, trying to keep life going, but _every day_ I think of him, and it just… just…" Remus' stomach swished uncomfortably, and he knew what was about to happen before it did. For the second time that day, Remus ran to the bathroom and threw up, heaving and retching into the toilet.

"Shh," whispered James, rubbing Remus' back soothingly. "Get it all up now." And Remus did, and for the next ten minutes, Remus' breakfast came back up. Breathing heavily and shaking, Remus finally pushed himself away from the toilet, asking for water. James quickly supplied him with a cup. Remus swirled the water in his mouth, then spit it into the toilet before drinking.

"Is that today's puke?" asked James softly.

"Second time today," said Remus, leaning against the wall. James frowned.

"That's really unhealthy," he said.

"No kidding," said Remus sarcastically. "Never would've guessed." James fought a small smile and continued.

"Maybe you should see a doctor," he suggested. "And not just a regular doctor. Maybe a therapist or something. You don't seem to be dealing particularly well."

"Severus is helping a lot," said Remus. "Although I think if the throwing up doesn't stop soon, he's going to drag me to a doctor himself."

"Good," said James. "I'm glad Snape is watching out for you. Tell him… I said thank you."

"He won't appreciate it," said Remus. James shrugged.

"Tell him anyway," said James. "I mean it. I'm glad you've got someone who cares watching you every day. That first day, Lily was afraid you were going to do something really stupid – I'm not gonna lie, I was afraid you would, too – but once I heard you were with Snape, I felt so much better. As long as you were with _someone_." Remus nodded and tried to stand.

"Yeah," he said, groaning. "Severus has been great. I don't know what I'd do without him." James smiled.

"One more thing, Remus," he said.

"Yeah?"

"Tell him… Tell him, I'm sorry."

xxx

_A/N: Life, my dear readers, is wonderful when you have these 2 things:_

_Over 50,000 words on a fanfic. Oh my god, I hit 50,000. We're basically halfway now, loves._

_Characters to make totally miserable. Takes your mind of your own misery, right? Right. So, here's some angst._

_So, I leave for college very soon. 8 days, actually. I don't know what's going to happen with my fanfiction life once I hit college, so you're going to have to bear with me. It might take a really, really long time for me to update. Possibly 'til November or December, but I hope I'll manage to get at least ONE chapter out before that. Also, I need to remake my outline, because I lost it. :(_

_I can promise that next chapter will explain why certain characters are in this story. It'll also go a bit more into the Lord JewKiller - I mean Voldemort – theme. One important thing to remember is that this is an AU, and a non-magic one at that, and therefore, things are gonna be seriously different. Honestly, the lolzy reviews I'm gonna get later are something that really just makes me want to finish._

_Ever seen Potter Puppet Pals? Yeah. Haha. If anyone gets that at the end of the story, you get 20 awesome points. And maybe a brownie. Anyway, thank you so much for the reviews for chapter nine! Now review chapter ten! :D Angst begs you on his knees for reviews. He'll angst some more if you don't review! Do you really want to be to blame for MORE ANGSTING? Imagine Order of the Phoenix Harry with MORE ANGST! Is it really worth it? No. Now review!_

_Love you all._

_~Kate_


	11. Chapter 11

Truth, Lies, and Sirius Black

Chapter 11

xxx

Remus wrapped his heavy coat around his shoulders and pulled on his hat and gloves, before snaking a scarf around his neck. This February was colder than most, and Remus found himself dreading exiting any building. He would simply prefer to cuddle up in bed with a cup of cocoa and a nice book – one that had nothing to do with medicine or science. He sighed, noticing through the glass doors of the Chemistry building that it was snowing outside. He shuddered, wishing that summer would come faster.

He glanced at his watch – eleven twenty, which meant he had ten minutes to get to the coffee shop to meet Severus. Moving quickly, for reasons other than the time crunch, Remus power-walked through campus. Finally, when the coffee shop was in sight, Remus couldn't help but break into a run, excited for the warmth. He wrenched the door open and ran straight into Severus, who was shivering on the other side.

"H-Hey, R-r-remus," he said, teeth chattering. Remus nodded to him jerkily and hurried up to the counter. The employee knew him by now and quickly rang up his usual, saving Remus from what would have been an embarrassing attempt at speaking. When he got his coffee, he held it tightly in his has, glad simply to have something warm to touch.

He and Severus sat silently at their usual table for a few moments, their bodies adjusting to the significant change in temperature. When Remus found that his hands were no longer twitching, he brought the paper cup to his mouth and sipped, happy to find that his coffee was just the right temperature. He let out a breath and leaned back into his chair, relaxing.

"It's a bit nippy out," he commented, severely understating the weather. Severus raised a skeptical eyebrow, but did not comment; instead, he changed the topic.

"How are your chemistry classes coming along?" asked Severus. "Now that they aren't just basic classes, how are you faring?"

"Better than I would've thought," said Remus happily. "I suppose it's all finally sinking in. I'm definitely happy that I've stuck it out. This _is_ what I want to do with my life, research and find cures." Severus was grinning.

"I'm glad I could help you realize that dream," he said, lifting his paper cup of coffee in a toast. "And you know, of course, the door is always open for you to come crawling back, begging for my guidance."

"Ha ha," said Remus. "Although it's very likely that I will, so thanks." Severus inclined his head and took a sip of his coffee. Remus continued: "So, have you made your final decision? I mean, it's halfway through sophomore year of college. I know you were having trouble deciding between _chemical_ engineering and _computer _engineering."

"I'm decided now. I'm majoring in chemical engineering, and minoring in – wait for it! – English!" Remus choked on his coffee in surprise. Severus was waggling his eyebrows at Remus, an amused expression on his face. He'd guessed about how Remus would react, and apparently he'd been right.

"English? Really? Did my prowess at tutoring make you see how beneficial literary analysis is to everyday life?" asked Remus, chuckling. Severus laughed as well.

"_Hardly_," he said. "Rather, I enjoy these classes that are more about discussion and opinion rather than hard fact. Analysis in terms of literature is all interpretation, whereas analysis in chemical engineering had a solid answer, a yes or a no. I like diversity in my life."

"Sounds reasonable," said Remus. "And as you know, I am officially Biomedical Research, with a minor in Renaissance literature. I'm sure my knowledge of Shakespeare and Marlow will be impressive to the other scientists researching cures for cancer."

"Undoubtedly," agreed Severus, his face straight, but his eyes glimmering with amusement. Remus took a swig of coffee from his cup. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, trying to absorb all of the warmth from the heating unit nearby.

"I must say, I cannot _stand_ this cold," said Remus. "This winter is about a thousand times worse than last year."

"No question," said Severus sadly. "It's depressing that even _I _don't enjoy this winter. I usually love it. But this winter is all cold and no snow – the worst kind." Remus nodded emphatically.

"It's downright miserable," he said. "If my place didn't have heating, I'd _die_."

"How are you and…?" asked Severus curiously.

"We're great," said Remus, a light smile gracing his features. "I mean, it's… well, you know. But he's been a real gentleman. Moreso than I ever imagined he could be, after everything from before." Severus nodded, but did not ask further. Remus turned and looked out the window at the snow falling. "It's snowing today," he commented.

"First time in a long time," said Severus. "I'm glad though. If it's going to be this cold, it _better_ snow!" Remus chuckled.

"Agreed," he said. He looked at his watch and sighed. "Well, I'm afraid I've got to go. The bus comes at twelve twenty, and it's already twelve ten. But this has been fun! I never really see you since I moved out."

"I know," said Severus sadly. "My club has gotten really busy, and of course there's school. But we need to do this again soon. I can't believe we haven't seen each other in person for nearly two months!"

"The wonders of technology keep us in touch without us really seeing each other," said Severus. "I can't decide if technology is really so wonderful when things like that happen." Remus nodded.

"Let's not wait another two months to spend time, alright?" said Remus. Severus agreed, and Remus left the coffee shop, waving goodbye.

He walked through the snow, shivering almost immediately. The flakes fell around him like little puffs of freezing cotton, and Remus saw his breath in front of him as he walked. Moaning, he felt a shiver of cold go up his spine. It was highly unpleasant. He found himself longing for a pair of strong arms to be wrapped around him, warming him. Just imagining it, Remus felt a bit warmer, and managed to get to the bus stop just in time. He hopped onto the bus and sat towards the back – he had a long ride.

The bus made its rounds about campus, where students entered and exited all over the place, but Remus simply sat in the back, waiting. Usually, Remus read on his rides on the bus, but today was different. He'd forgotten his book on his bedside table in the morning. He sighed, bored, but finally the bus exited campus, much to the relief of the several commuters to Hogwarts University who lived off-campus. Slowly, each of the commuters that Remus had grown to know so intimately got off at the usual stops. First it was Kid With The Weird Hat, then Blue Haired Girl, and finally Braces, and then it was Remus' turn. He jumped reluctantly from the bus and hurried down the street to the apartment he shared.

He heard the lock click as he turned the key in the gold handle and he pushed the door open, eager to feel warm again. He slammed the door shut behind him, letting out a chilly breath of relief. He threw off his coat, scarf, gloves and hat and hurried into his bedroom and grabbing a hooded sweatshirt, which he then pulled over his head. Still shivering, Remus headed back towards the door to pick up his book bag, keys, and discarded clothing. He picked up each item and put them in their proper respective places.

Keys in hand, Remus hung his coat on a hanger in the closet, and as he shut the door, Remus actually _noticed_ his apartment. His eyes widened a bit as he took in details he hadn't noticed for nearly two months. The white walls had little specks of black in them Remus hadn't initially noticed. The wooden chairs were angled strangely at their table, two angled toward each other, indicating how the two occupants liked to face each other when they spoke. The other two were angled perfectly, as though no one had ever touched them.

Remus blinked. The apartment seemed so sharp in his view for a moment. The cream colored carpet had footprints in it. Remus went back into the bedroom, trying _not_ to notice the details, as it was a bit uncomfortable, but couldn't help it. The right side of the navy-and-pastel blue comforter of the queen-sized bed was folded back, though the left side was pulled up beneath the pillows. The black desk chair and the black desk lamp were two different shades of black, as the chair was old and worn. The poster of KISS above the bed was crooked, but only slightly. Remus shook himself, determined not to look at these details. It was unsettling to notice every little thing about the apartment he shared.

He walked back out into the kitchen and opened his book bag, grabbing one of his books at random. He'd decided long ago that that was the way he liked to study – randomly. Today he would start with – _Hamlet_. He sighed in relief. He'd just gone through an hour and a half of chemical compositions. He needed to think of _anything _else. He sat down in one of the wooden chairs and opened _Hamlet_ to the beginning of Act Two and began reading.

Three hours later, Remus awoke with a start, his head pillowed in Scene Two of Act Two of _Hamlet_. Sitting up groggily, Remus became aware of a stiff pain in his neck and groaned. He'd fallen asleep. He checked his watch and groaned again. He was late for class, too late to even bother going. He'd have to pick up the notes later from someone. He stood stretching, moving to go check the mail.

He reached into the slot backwards – a way he'd discovered not long after moving in, which made leaving the apartment unnecessary – and found a rather large number of letters in his fist. Surprised, Remus headed back into the kitchen to look through it, quickly throwing on the kettle to make himself some tea.

He shuffled through the letters, counting. There were ten! He was surprised. A usual day consisted of no mail at all. Remus flipped through the first six, all of which were daunting bills, before the kettle whistled loudly. Remus hurried back to it and then returned to his pile of mail, tea in hand.

Two of the letters were from Remus' family; one from his aunt, and one from his parents. He shoved them off to the side, deciding to open them later. One more was from his roommate's family, and the final one, which was addressed to Remus, had no return address. Confused, Remus slid the envelope open.

_You are cordially invited to the union of:_

_James Harold Potter_

_To_

_Lily Marie Evans_

Remus choked on his tea. Spluttering, he fumbled for his phone and quickly dialed Lily's number.

"Lily!" he practically screamed into the phone once she picked up. "Why didn't you call me and tell me James proposed? Why am I finding it out through an invitation to your _wedding_, you bleeding sod!"

"Hi, Remus," said James. Remus felt himself blushing, and he heard the wide grin in James' voice.

"Hi," said Remus slowly. He looked at his phone. He had dialed Lily's number… So why was James answering?

"Lily couldn't reach the phone in time, and I noticed it was you, so I figured I should pick up, since you never call." Remus squirmed guiltily.

"Yes," he said. "Could I, uh, speak with her, please?"

"Certainly my good friend Moony!" said James, chuckling. "Lily! Remus called you!" Remus heard a surprised shriek from Lily in the background. He felt a bit hurt. Was it really that monumental that he _called_?

'_Yes,'_ the guilty part of his brain said immediately. _'You kind of ditched them, and you know it. You deserve this very awkward feeling.'_ Remus glowered at the phone, but then Lily was there, and he was no longer annoyed.

"Remus!" she gasped happily. "Hi! How are you? What's up?"

"Hey," said Remus, calmer now. "Why didn't you call me and tell me when James proposed?"

"Well, you hardly ever pick up anymore, and I never see you, and you never check your email, so I figured I may as well use the only method of communication left to me – the mail!" Remus heard himself huff.

"If you'd left me a voicemail, I would've listened to it!" he said. "But whatever, I suppose it isn't important. You have to tell me what happened. I can't just _not know_, you know." Lily laughed, and Remus' gut twisted. He had missed Lily more than he'd realized. He hadn't actually _seen_ her… since maybe October? He bit his lip, uncomfortable. "Want to get dinner this evening? Just you and me?"

"Oh, Remus, I'd love to!" she gushed. "This is perfect, because James and Si – and a friend of his are going to some football game, and I'm going to be all lonely!" Remus stiffened, but didn't acknowledge the name she'd almost said.

"That sounds fantastic," he said. "What time, where? You choose! My treat."

"You are too sweet," she said, laughing again. "How about the pizza place, at six?"

"Sounds great," said Remus. "Meet you then!"

"Alright, bye!" Remus hung up and leaned forward onto his hands.

Lily was getting _married_. She was twenty years old, and she was getting _married_. Remus felt like a terrible friend. He and Lily had been the closest and best of friends for two years, and now he hadn't _spoken_ to her in over a month or _seen _her in much longer. He knew _why_ he couldn't stand to be near her. It was a danger. He might run into…

But it was all right tonight. It would be just the two of them, and they would talk about James and wedding plans and other girly things that Remus wouldn't talk about with anyone but Lily.

Something soft rubbed against Remus' leg, and Remus felt a smile spread across his face. He looked down and saw the curly-haired black dog at his feet, rubbing against his leg in an almost comforting manner.

"Hey, Padfoot," he said, reaching down to pet the dog. The dog panted happily in response, then licked its chops and whined softly. Remus chuckled. Sometimes he thought the dog was actually a human. It always knew when he was distressed, and always knew just what to do to make him feel better.

"I know, I know," he said. "It's alright. Just some bad memories." Padfoot yipped and rubbed his head against Remus' knee. Remus smiled. "Don't worry," he said. "I promise it's all okay. It's dinner with _Lily_. It's safe." At this, the dog seemed satisfied, though he followed Remus around as he got ready for his outing with Lily.

Remus remembered that Lily had always been a stickler for looking fashionable. He dressed cautiously, and then finally, it was time to leave to catch the bus to campus. He scrawled a quick note, explaining where he was, for his mate –

_Out to dinner with Lily. Be back before ten._

He looked at the note, unsure of whether or not to add more, and then left it, hurrying to the bus stop.

xxx

Remus entered the pizza shop huffing and puffing, rubbing his hands together, and generally cold. He looked around for Lily's telltale hair, and found her seated not far from the door. He slid into the booth at which she was seated, and she squealed as she realized whom she was with.

"Remus!" she said happily. "I was thinking maybe it was a prank, that you weren't really coming, but here you are!"

"Why wouldn't I come?" asked Remus, hoping that Lily would realize that his question was rhetorical. "I mean, I definitely need to find out what happened when James Potter proposed to my best friend! Details, woman!"

Lily giggled, blushing. "It was all very romantic," she said, but before she could delve into her story, the waiter was there, pen and paper in hand to collect their order. As the waiter shuffled away, Lily turned her gleaming green eyes to Remus again and began.

"So," she said, "he said that we needed to have a real date, because he hadn't actually had one in a while. We spent most nights at home, doing homework or, you know." She blushed and waggled her eyebrows. Remus snorted. "So of _course_ I agreed! He said he'd plan the whole thing, and to keep my plans open. A few days later, he came home from class and said that that night was our date, and it was going to be, and I quote, 'Killer.' He said we were going to a really nice place, and to look all dressy. I wore that dark green dress, you know, the one I got for the Christmas party our last year of high school?"

"Oh, you look great in that dress," said Remus, grinning and feeling like a ponce. He was sitting in a pizza shop discussing marriage proposals and dress colors.

"Yes, James thought so, too," said Lily with a small, smug smile. "Anyway, we went out to this _beautiful_ restaurant, and he said to spend like crazy if I wanted. Obviously, I didn't, but it was a nice gesture." She laughed. "The weird thing is that I didn't even see it coming! Even though it was the _classic _proposal date, I wasn't even thinking about it!"

"Wow," said Remus, surprised. "I thought for sure you were going to end this story by taking the ring out of James' pocket and proposing to _him_." Lily laughed and swatted at Remus across the table.

"No, silly!" she said. "But it was great. We had dinner, and just talked about school and stuff. Looking back on it, he made a ton of vague hints about the future. He mentioned _kids_ once, and I wasn't even fazed. I think he was testing the waters. Talked about getting a house and having kids and having careers and stuff, but only in a vague 'maybe' sort of way. I guess my reactions were good, because as soon as my cheesecake came, he was on one knee and shouting as loud as he could about his un-ending love for me." Lily's voice sounded annoyed, but Remus knew it wasn't true. The enormous smile and telltale blush creeping onto her cheeks told him otherwise.

"Exact words," said Remus. "I know you memorized them, so just tell me."

"You know me well," she said, sighing and giggling. "So the waiter walks away after giving us our deserts, and he just stands up. So I figure he's going to go to the loo or something, but he just starts shouting! Raises his hands up and yells, 'Excuse me! Hey, can the band shut up for a minute? HEY!' Obviously, I'm horribly embarrassed at this point, but before I could get upset, James turns back to me – and the _entire restaurant _is staring at him now – and he gets down on one knee, and I swear, every old lady in the place said 'aww.' And then he grabs my face and forces me to look at him and pulls out the _classic_ little black box, and holds it out for me. And he said…" Lily looked as though she was about to cry. "He said that he never wanted to live a day without me, and that I'd taught him how to be a man and what love really was. He said he wanted us to grow old together, and have kids and grandkids, and always be together."

"And?"

"And would I please make him the happiest man on the planet, and please marry him." Lily sniffed and wiped at her eyes. "You can obviously guess that I cried. But it… it was sort of something I never expected to happen to me."

"Why?" asked Remus, surprised.

"Because I'm so _difficult_!" she exclaimed. "I argue so much, and I have these stupid anger problems, and I… I used to think that no guy could ever love me, because I was so strange."

"Don't be ridiculous," said Remus, putting one of his hands over one of hers. "I swear, if I weren't into guys, I'd have jumped on you the moment I could." Lily laughed and hiccupped, wiping her eyes with her free hand.

"Thanks, Remus," she said. "But I'm… I'm just _so_ happy. I don't know what to do with myself because I'm so happy. I mean, I thought I was happy _before_, and this is like a whole new level of happy."

"Practically joyous," said Remus, raising an eyebrow. Lily smiled.

"Exactly," she said.

Suddenly, the waiter appeared with pizza and drinks in hand, and they quickly pulled pieces of pizza from the tray. They were silent for a moment, munching happily on pizza, and Remus was struck with the sensation of familiar camaraderie that he hadn't felt in a long time.

"So, what's up with you?" asked Lily. "I mean, I haven't heard from you in ages. I started to worry that you'd died."

"Very funny," said Remus. "But I've just been doing all the normal things. Going to class, eating, variously becoming more ill than usual, and, y'know, hanging out."

"With _who_?"

"Other… people…" said Remus awkwardly. Lily said nothing, but took another bite of pizza and looked at him expectantly. He sighed. "Okay, so lately I've been staying in. But you know I was never much of a partier anyway. Sometimes I hang out with Severus Snape - "

"I like Severus Snape," she said. "I met him in class. Last year, I think. He was very nice. Offered to help me out if I needed any. But James laughed at me when I told him about Snape. Snape's been in a couple of my classes, but we haven't established a very close relationship or anything. Sort of, casual acquaintances."

"Ah," said Remus. "Yes, Severus told me he knew you, some time… But yes, we're quite close friends, though we haven't had much time to do anything lately. He's in this club, and they're getting very busy. I think it's a service club. And between that and my schedule with work and class, we haven't had much time to spend with each other. Although, we did earlier today. We got coffee."

"Good," said Lily. "I'm glad you've… got some people. You know, you're always welcome to come and hang out with us."

"Of course," said Remus hesitantly, knowing he would never take her up on the offer. It was far too likely that he would run into – No. He hadn't thought about _that _in a good long time, and he certainly never wanted to remember it again. But whenever he was with Lily, all the memories resurfaced, and he remembered why he had put distance between himself and Lily in the first place.

"Listen, Remus," said Lily, repeating his gesture and placing her hand on top of his, "I know that what – what _happened _is still affecting you. And I understand why you don't want to come over to James and my place, but… but please, stay in touch. I really miss you. You're going to come to the wedding, right?" She looked at him pleadingly, as thought she really didn't know the answer, as if she feared she would have to sit here again, and explain to him what had happened at her wedding.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world, you know that," he said. "You could invite the devil himself and I would still come."

'_They _have _invited the devil himself,'_ he thought, a lump rising in his throat. But Lily looked relieved, and that was all it took for Remus to feel better.

"Good," she said. "Petunia is my maid of honor. She's so snooty about the whole thing. I think she's just mad that her younger sister is getting married first. She keeps telling me that I'd better not put her in a hideous dress. It makes me want to, just to annoy her."

"Why is she your maid of honor?"

"Because she's my sister, and I have to. I'm fairly certain Mum would kill me if I asked someone else. Luckily, that means I get to be _her_ maid of honor as well." Her voice was dripping with sarcasm. "She'll probably make me wear orange or something. Something that looks god-awful with my hair." Remus chuckled.

"Well, you can always make her look terrible first," he said.

"I'm thinking I might make her look nice to guilt her into making me look nice," she said thoughtfully. "She's probably going to marry the guy she'd been dating. Tuney's four years older than me, and she's been dating this Vernon guy for like three years. It's really only a matter of time. Luckily, I'm first." She looked smug, and Remus laughed.

"Is everything a competition between you two?" asked Remus.

"Pretty much," said Lily. "I think my anger issues have something to do with it, honestly. Poor Petunia. I must have been so annoying to grow up with."

"I doubt it," said Remus. "Are you having any other bridesmaids?"

"No," said Lily. "Too expensive. James doesn't have any siblings, so isn't required to have anyone be in the wedding party. His best man is… I mean, never mind." Remus stiffened, but tried to play the moment off as though it didn't matter.

"So, what's the date?" he asked.

"April seventeenth," said Lily. "It's a Saturday, so no one will be busy with class or anything, and finals are a good couple weeks off."

"That's great," said Remus through gritted teeth. He grabbed a piece of pizza and took an enormous bite, chewing a little harder than was necessary. This was precisely why he couldn't be around Lily anymore! He hadn't been with her two hours and already she'd brought up _Black,_ twice!

"Look, Lily," he said once he'd swallowed, "I've got to be going."

"Oh, wait, no!" she said pleadingly. "I thought maybe we could go to a movie or something! Or maybe rent one. Please, Remus, don't go." Her pleading made his certainty waver. Maybe she wouldn't mention Black again. Maybe it would be alright, and it would be just like it was before.

Then, the image that he hadn't seen behind his eyelids in over a month burned in his mind, and he physically flinched at the remembered pain. No, no, no. He couldn't do this anymore, ever again. He would go to Lily's wedding, but he couldn't be close to her again. She was too close to that bastard.

"I'm sorry, Lily," he said. "I'll see you around." He dropped some money on the table for the pizza before he left. He walked out of the pizza shop and headed back for the main walkway of campus, which was the quickest route to the bus stop. He looked down, biting his lip, and noticed that his hand was green from the neon of a certain pub to his left.

A cold anger seeped down his spine, and his feet sped up, realizing with horror that it was Thursday. No, this wasn't happening, this wasn't happening. He heard the door of the pub open and close, heard someone calling goodbye to coworkers, and Remus felt himself breaking into a run. No. No. _No._

Wait. _No! _He breathed a sigh of relief – the monster was out with James. He slowed only slightly. He was still eager to get out of the area, eager to get home to be encircled by loving arms and comforted by soothing words. He reached the bus stop a full twenty minutes earlier than expected, and hopped onto the bus, which had luckily just stopped.

xxx

He slammed the door behind him and sat in the entranceway. He took a deep breath and sighed with relief. He was _home_, and there was no danger from bad memories here.

"I'm home!" he called.

"Hey!" a familiar voice called back. "You're earlier than I expected! By almost an hour, Jesus. You have a good time?" Remus shrugged and opened his arms, begging silently for a hug. A smile split across the taller man's face, and he opened his own arms. Remus snuggled into them, breathing in the scent of the man he'd slowly learned to care for.

"It was fun," he mumbled against Lyon's chest, "but… bad memories, you know."

"I know," said Lyon soothingly, petting Remus' hair. "Don't worry though. You're home now, and you've got me, right?"

Remus smiled and looked up at him. "Yes, I do." Lyon lowered his head and kissed Remus lightly on the lips, turning around and led Remus into the kitchen.

"I saw you got an invite to a wedding," said Lyon, casually seating himself in his usual seat. "Whose? Anyone important? Are you planning on going?"

"It's Lily's wedding; yes, it is important; and yes, I'm going," replied Remus. "I was hoping you'd go with me, because… _Black_ will be there, and he's the last person I want to be around. I'm going to need some support, otherwise I might tear him to shreds." Lyon chuckled.

"You know I'm there for you, tiger," he said, winking. He then stood and moved over to the stove. "D'you want some hot cocoa? It's as cold as a freezer out there, and you're still shivering."

"Hot cocoa would be nice," said Remus, smiling. "Well, keep your schedule clear on April seventeenth, yeah? That's the wedding date. Lily Evans and James Potter. Damn. They're twenty years old."

"Bloody insanity to marry that young," said Lyon, looking up from the kettle. "And I'd know – I'm twenty-three. How old are you again, Remus?"

"I'm nineteen," said Remus. "But I'm twenty in March."

"Ah," said Lyon. "Good, I turned twenty-three in January."

"I know," said Remus, raising his eyebrows. "Remember your gift?" Lyon grinned at him widely.

"How could I forget?" he asked, winking again. "Best one of my _life_, I swear."

"Naturally," said Remus, also grinning.

"And for _your_ birthday," said Lyon, "you'll get one that's even _better_."

"I dare to dream," said Remus.

"Hush, you," said Lyon, handing Remus a mug of cocoa. "Now – here's the scoop. Severus told me that he wants to take me to one of his club's meetings or something. Apparently he wants me to be _initiated_. It sounds kind of creepy. I want to know what you think. Should I go? I mean, he's been going on and on about this club for ages. I would find out what it's all about, but I have this feeling that if I go, I have to join."

The hairs on the back of Remus' neck prickled. The topic of Severus' club was rarely discussed, but Remus often felt a prick of nerves whenever it was mentioned. He'd met a few of the people in the club with Severus, and they were all rather creepy. Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange had married even earlier than James and Lily by nearly two years, and Rodolphus' younger brother, Rabastan, in Remus' opinion, was a bit of a sadist. He talked very often about destroying or demolishing or disemboweling small animals, and it made Remus' stomach churn uncomfortably.

He'd also met Lucius Malfoy and his fiancée, Narcissa – whose last name he did not know – and they were the most sociable of the rest, except for Severus. Lucius enjoyed talking about himself, in a loud pompous drawl, and Narcissa often stared off into space with a vapid look. The only times she exited her reverie were moments when someone complimented her on her truthfully exquisite looks.

Along with them came several men that Remus didn't know too well, and had no interest in becoming friendly with – Mulciber, Avery, Rookwood, Crabbe, Goyle, and twins by the name of Carrow. They were all highly unpleasant and – if Remus was honest – downright slobs. Luckily, Remus had only been forced into their presence once or twice.

"I… don't think you should go," said Remus. "If it's all or nothing, I'd prefer nothing, personally. I wish Severus wasn't in it, to be honest." Lyon considered Remus for a moment, taking a sip of cocoa from his own mug.

"Alrighty then," he said as he lowered the mug from his lips. "I suppose I'll just say thanks but no thanks." Remus sighed with relief. Severus' club was too mysterious for its own good.

xxx

Remus yawned as he awoke, rolling over, reaching for Lyon's body heat, only to find the space vacated. Remus sighed. Of course, it was Friday – Lyon's early shift was today, so they could spend time together in the evening. Remus sat up in one, large, quite graceless movement and moaned, rubbing the heels of his hands into his eyes. When he pulled them back, there were colors blossoming in front of him.

He slowly got himself out of bed. He glanced at the clock, and registered that he still had several hours before his only class. He ambled into the kitchen lazily and switched on the television before heading to the cupboard to get the ingredients for oatmeal.

" – coldest winter in nearly twenty years!" the meteorologist was saying. Remus snorted, unsurprised. Of course, he was twenty years old this year, and it was the coldest one of his life. "And now, over to Julie Bologna with your official weather forecast."

Remus stared at the screen stupidly while the microwave heated up his breakfast, his mouth agape.

"Well, it's going to be another cold one, but that's no surprise! But don't worry, hold out everybody! It'll be up between three and four degrees Celsius next week!" Remus gave a silent, sleepy cheer. "But today, no such luck. It's going to be solidly below zero until this time next week. Get your scarves ready!" Remus nodded to the screen as the microwave beeped, indicating that it had finished its job. He shuffled over to it and pulled his scalding hot oatmeal from it and sat back down, staring at the screen again.

"And with that," said Julie Bologna, "it's back to you, Craig, for the news!"

"Thanks, Julie," said Craig Mortenson, the newscaster. "Now, on a much more serious note, I'm sorry to report that the vicious killings of the serial killer known as _Voldemort_ have escalated yet again. There have been several more murders of Jews in the London area. I'd like to pause for a moment of silence for the families of the victims." Remus froze with his spoon comically halfway to his mouth. He stared at the screen in horror as Craig Mortenson paused with a properly mournful expression.

He felt Padfoot's fur against his leg and let out a breath, suddenly remembering he needed to breathe. Craig looked up from his notes and continued with a somber tone. "The killer known as Voldemort is steadily rising to power, and unfortunately, as of yet, we have no picture of him to warn the public with. The police are supposedly searching for him, but he has sadly left no trace. His followers, many of whom are just as vicious as their leader, have been dubbed by the media as 'the Death Eaters.' According to witnesses, they are identifiable by their dark clothes and white masks. I would like to urge the general public not to go out at night, and if you must, bring a defensive weapon. These are becoming very dangerous times indeed."

Padfoot rubbed his head against Remus' shin, and Remus felt his heartbeat slow a bit. This man – Voldemort – was becoming more powerful each day! Every week, there was a new death, or worse, _deaths. _Remus pushed his oatmeal away from him, his appetite quite vanished. He shut the television off quickly and headed into the bathroom, fearing that he might puke, something he had happily stopped doing around early October. He stood over the toilet, the image bringing back _those _horrible memories along with the terrifying newscast.

His oatmeal came up again in a dizzying spurt. Remus heaved, breathing deeply as he allowed himself to collapse onto the floor. He curled up, whimpering pathetically and silently begging to Lyon to come home and fix him again.

'_You are still broken, you stupid, sorry sod,'_ he thought miserably to himself. _'He never really fixed you. He just kept you from totally breaking.'_ Remus let out a moan, feeling pricks in the back of his eyes.

Remus pushed himself up off the floor. No. He would not let himself become a puddle of misery on the floor of his bathroom for that piece of _shit_. He stood, stumbling into the wall briefly before getting his balance and taking another deep breath. He brushed his teeth quickly and headed back into the kitchen and finished his oatmeal.

xxx

Remus gloried in the heat. It was so warm that he didn't even need to wear a scarf. He held several heavy grocery bags in his hands, and he was headed for the bus stop, a new bounce in his step thanks to the weather.

It was, all in all, a very good day. The sun was peeking through the clouds randomly, occasionally exposing Remus to the first sun in months. Valentine's Day was mere days away, and he and Lyon had a very good, special time planned – some dinner, and some classy sex. Remus felt confident about his science classes, and enjoyed his Shakespeare classes. He and Lily had spoken again, over the phone, and they'd had a wonderful conversation about chocolate, James, the weather, and the next time they could possibly get together. Indeed, nothing could go wrong about today. It was simply too perfect.

And then, the bag of Remus' plastic grocery bag split, and the eggs tumbled to the ground and broke, the carton of milk rolled away, and the plastic bag around the bread was covered in egg yolk.

"Damn," said Remus, annoyed, stooping down to clean up.

"Need any help?" Someone squatted down to help Remus, and he looked up appreciatively to thank him or her.

Piercing gray eyes, black hair swooping down to lay awkwardly just above the nose. Light stubble on the chin. A radiant, helpful smile that twisted when gray met amber. And then the most confused, terrified expression Remus had ever seen. He was sure his own expression mirrored it.

Black didn't move, but Remus snatched up the milk and the bread, ignoring the yolk-covered bag as is slid in his hand. He stood quickly and turned to walk away.

"Hi, Remus," said Black behind him, a hopeful edge to his voice that Remus did not miss. He flinched involuntarily at the greeting. He didn't reply, but walked away as quickly as he could with his arms laden with groceries.

He knew that he would _never_ cross this street, at this time ever again. He checked his watch and the street signs just to make sure. He would never, ever run into that backstabbing, cheating, motherfucking bastard ever again. He would make sure of it. If he had to move to China, he'd get away from him.

It didn't matter how beautiful the stupid jerk was. It didn't matter that Remus had _thought _he'd known what love was with him. All that mattered was that Remus was as far away from him as possible, at all times. He shuddered as he sat on the bus. He replayed the incident in his mind, concluding that he'd acted just right for his sanity.

It was the first time in who knew how long that he'd seen Black. Since August, was it?

'_If only it could've lasted longer,'_ he thought wistfully. For he'd known that he couldn't avoid the bastard forever, not if they lived in the same place and attended the same school and had a few of the same friends. No, it was impossible to avoid him completely forever, but he had every intention of avoiding him as much as possible.

For the second time in a week, the image from Fletcher's pub burned into his retinas, just as painful and vivid as that first moment. He saw the exact curve of Black's arm, the exact sound that stranger was eliciting due to Black's ministrations.

Remus realized that his breath was coming in short, painful gasps, and he breathed slowly through his nose, trying not to vomit again.

'_You are over this,'_ he said to himself. _'It has been six months. You have hated him for six solid months, and you've stopped puking for four! I absolutely do not accept this from you, Remus John Lupin! Do you understand me? You threw up last week from the whole Voldemort thing, _not_ because of Black! Now get your shit together!'_

Standing and exiting the bus, Remus felt more confident. He no longer felt ill, and the image was gone from his mind. Instead, he was thinking of Lyon. His cute, funny Lyon, who tried so hard to be exactly what Remus needed. And he really _was_ what Remus needed. A safety net that would never abandon him or break him, someone who looked at Remus and thought that he'd found Jesus Christ wandering about the Hogwarts University campus. Black had never thought that way about Remus. Black had considered their entire relationship a joke. He'd tricked Remus, just to hurt him. But Lyon? Lyon was faithful. Lyon was attractive and strong. Lyon was wonderful, despite being flawed.

And that was what Remus needed. He needed someone _flawed_, because if he had what he thought was perfection, he would get far too wrapped up in it to see the hideousness and evil on the other side.

Remus opened the door to see Lyon seated at the kitchen table. He beamed at Remus and stood up.

"Welcome home, love," said Lyon, opening his arms invitingly.

xxx

_A/N: I'm sorry it's so short. But there really isn't much else to say in this chapter. It's like chapter one all over again. It's just… all rising action again, you know? I have to set up the plot. Gasp._

_Anyway, whoever is lolling heartily about Remus and Lyon, I applaud you. Whoever is flipping shit about it, screaming at me about 'wtf am I thinking, Lyon is a total tool, omg not as cool as Sirius ever omg!' I love you. You're SO right. :P_

_Sidenote, Julie Bologna is a real person. She does the weather for my hometown local news, and I've always found her name a trifle hilarious. I mean, seriously? Bologna? Although it's not pronounced 'boloney.' She's classy and calls it 'bo-lown-ya.' Riiiight. Suuuure, Julie. :D_

_So, I hope you enjoyed chapter 11. I loved your responses to chapter 10, by the by, it really made me happy. Turns out destroying the happiness of beloved characters is the ticket to some seriously awesome reviews. Too bad it's all uphill from here. Sigh. Reviews plz? Big Padfoot-puppy dog eyes? 8(_

_Also, I am now moved into college and have started classes. Do not expect much for a long ass time, and praise the lord that I was nice and updated before I began. _

_Love and kisses._

_K_


	12. Chapter 12

Truth, Lies, and Sirius Black

Chapter 12

xxx

Remus entered the gigantic Catholic cathedral and looked around. The architecture was beautiful, Roman, and dignified. Remus felt a bit out-of-place in his shabby, second-hand, brown suit. He looked around, and the few guests that had arrived earlier than he looked much more put together. An uncomfortable bubbling began in his stomach, and he suddenly felt very self-conscious. But then he felt a familiar rough hand graze his own, so he grabbed onto it and squeezed.

"This is the first time I've been in a church since secondary school," said Remus quietly.

"I've never been in one," said Lyon flatly. "Hard to believe, but it's true." Remus chuckled.

"C'mon, let's go sit."

"Which side do we sit on?"

"The left, c'mon." Remus guided Lyon up the aisle and sat in a pew very close to the alter. Though he would never admit it, he _did _wish that he could easily marry. He wanted to have this kind of ceremony for himself, with someone he loved. Maybe Lyon, maybe someone else, maybe someone he hadn't met yet, but he wished he could stand up and proclaim to the world that someone else was his, and he was theirs. And so he sat close to the alter so he could see Lily and James' faces, read their emotions for himself. Live this moment through them.

People slowly filled the church, and Remus passed the time examining the stained glass windows on either side of the pews. Each window was a depiction of a story from the Bible. He wished he could talk with Lyon, maybe explain the windows to him, but it was far too quiet. Even whispering would draw attention to them.

"Remus?" said a quiet voice, and Remus jumped. He looked around and saw not only Lily's father, but both of his own parents as well. He realized with an awkward jolt that he hadn't told his parents that he would be at the wedding – nor had he told them that he was seeing someone new.

"Hi, Mr. Evans!" said Remus, still shocked. "Hey, Mum, Dad. I didn't know you were coming…"

"It was a last minute decision, dear," said Emma, smiling at him.

"I'm glad we were able to come, though," said John enthusiastically. "Little Lily's getting married." He sounded awed. "She's a bit young, though, don't you think? Twenty?"

"Well, we tried to talk them into waiting, but they just wouldn't have it," said Mr. Evans, shrugging. "If they're that determined, nothing's going to stop them, least of all my opinion. And James is a good lad. She could do far worse at this age." Remus smiled. Apparently Lily's father didn't quite understand the bond between Lily and James. Lily would never look at another man again. Not when James had practically cured her of her anger problems.

"What about you, Remus?" said Mr. Evans. "Anyone in your life?" Remus' eyes widened and his heart sped up – Mr. Evans didn't know that he was gay. Mr. Evans was a very religious man. Would he still accept Remus as Lily's friend if he knew? Should Remus tell him now, or later? Should he lie? Would that bother Lyon? What should he say?

"Yes, Remus, I'm curious myself," said John, grinning at Remus' obvious discomfort. John was more confident than Remus was.

"I am…" Remus choked out after a moment.

"Really?" said Mr. Evans happily. "And what's this fine young lady's name?" Remus bit his lip. This was the moment – do or die. Go big or go home. Nut up or shut up.

"H-He's right here, actually," Remus stuttered. "Lyon, c-come meet Lily's dad. And my parents." Lyon looked up and then stood, grinning.

"Hi, there," he said, reaching out a hand to no one in particular. Remus tried not to look at Mr. Evans' shell-shocked expression, and wished for a split second that he had lied and said he was single. But a moment later, Mr. Evans' hand was firmly shaking Lyon's, a wide, welcoming smile on his face.

"It's nice to meet you," said Mr. Evans. "Lyon was it?"

"Like the big cat," said Lyon, winking. Remus was so relieved that he let this slide – he could ask Lyon not to hit on Lily's dad in front of him later. But Mr. Evans just chuckled, and Lyon turned his attention to Remus' parents.

"So you're Remus' parents?" he asked. "I see where he gets his good looks then." John guffawed at the corny joke then asked Lyon a few of the general "Get to Know You" questions like, "so do you have a job?" and "what are you currently studying?" Relieved that the whole horror was over, Remus slumped unnoticed into the pew and closed his eyes. As he listened to Lyon banter back and forth with his parents about stupid things, Mr. Evans slunk into the space beside him.

"Remus," he muttered, and Remus jumped again.

"Oh, hi, Mr. Evans," he said.

"Remus, I'm glad you told me," said Mr. Evans. "I must say, you're like a son to me, and I'm glad you're comfortable enough with me that you felt like you could tell me. There are people out there who won't accept you for who you are. For whatever reason – your illness, or being gay, or just because your personality might rub them the wrong way. But I'm glad you told me. I hope he's ah, taking good care of you?" Mr. Evans looked a bit uncomfortable as the small speech ended, and Remus couldn't help but snort.

"Yes, he is," he replied. "And yes, I usually do end up being the girl who needs taken care of." Mr. Evans grinned.

"It's because you're a delicate little flower, I'm sure," said Mr. Evans, grinning. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to greet the people who came to watch some young man steal my daughter." Remus laughed, and Mr. Evans ambled away. Lyon took his spot a moment later, and Remus' parents came to sit by them as well.

"That went well," muttered Lyon.

"I know," said Remus. "I'm more relieved than you know. But I was more worried about Mr. Evans than anything."

"Your parents knew?"

"Yeah."

"When did you tell them?"

"I never did," said Remus. "Never said the words. They just… knew."

"That's cute," said Lyon, contemplative. "I had to _tell_ my parents, which is ridiculous, because I'm so bloody flamboyant. But you? You're not butch or flamboyant. You're just sort of living life. You could go either way."

"No I couldn't," said Remus fervently. "Girls' knockers get in the way. I would never want any of that." Lyon snorted.

"Never mind, you're entirely gay," he said. Remus grinned and glanced behind him. The church had filled during their conversations, and as Remus turned back to look at the alter again, he saw James enter from a side room and the organist struck up the familiar tune.

Remus spun around again quickly, along with everyone else in the room. Some people on the far edges of the pews even stood to see better. Remus wondered, for a moment, why they were in a church if Lily was Jewish. He looked back at James for one brief second. James looked as though he were about to throw up. Holding back a snort, Remus turned to see James' father escorting Lily's mother down the aisle. They both looked fantastically happy, though there was a sadness in Mrs. Evans' eyes that Remus interpreted as loss. Mr. Potter respectfully led Mrs. Evans to her seat in the first row – only two rows in front of Remus, his parents, and Lyon – and then the best man and maid of honor entered.

Petunia Evans, a year or two Lily's senior, would have looked utterly stunning. The deep green frock matched Lily's eyes exactly, and brought out more color in Petunia's skin than Remus had ever thought was there. But Petunia's angry sneer took away all possibilities of beauty. Remus sighed. Petunia didn't even have it in her to look pleasant for her sister's wedding? He'd never liked her much.

Remus turned and trained his eyes on James, determined to look _only_ at James, who no longer looked nervous. In fact, he was grinning wider than Remus could have expected. It was a grin of someone who was about to laugh. Beside Remus, Lyon was chuckling.

"The best man is such a wanker," he said quietly, still laughing. Resigned, Remus looked. He ignored the swooping feeling in his stomach that was somewhere between pleasure and pain, between sickness and healing. He didn't notice how amazingly, perfectly beautiful Siri – _Black_ looked in his fitted tuxedo. He didn't notice how Black's hair was longer then it had been when he'd last seen him, how it fell casually into his eyes with an elegance Remus couldn't even hope to emulate. He did notice that Black made several ridiculous faces, most of which involved giving Petunia Evans disgusted looks without her noticing. Remus felt a rush of anger, but he couldn't place why.

'_Maybe because I hate him more than I hate her,'_ he thought savagely. But he shook his head, trying to rid himself of the anger. He didn't want to focus on anger anymore, and especially not today.

The strong, confident notes that signaled Lily's entrance brought Remus eagerly to his feet. He stood on his tiptoes to see over his father's head. With her arm linked through Mr. Evans', Lily looked more radiant than Remus could have believed possible. He knew Lily was beautiful – anyone who saw her would say that – but her happiness enhanced her beauty even further. Her strapless gown was simple, pure white and fitted, long to the floor with a bow placed perfectly on the small of her back. Her dark red hair was curled up, but loose, falling around her face in fiery tendrils. Her lips were full and pink, and her green eyes were alight with something Remus felt prick at his heart, long dormant now. He could see it in her eyes, the one thing Remus wanted, the one thing he'd had in his hands before it had been snatched away – love.

Mr. Evans kissed Lily on the forehead, then each of her hands, before he placed them in James' and went to sit by his wife. Remus turned his attention to the couple, and the ceremony began. It was an odd mixture between Jewish, Catholic, and non-religious customs, but it fit Lily and James perfectly – because they were different.

Their vows were simple, but not the traditional repeated phrases. Lily's were first:

"James," she said, "you saved me from a place where I thought I would be stuck for my entire life. Without you, I am less than my best. You bring out the best parts of me, and I will always strive to do the same for you. I love you. And I will stay faithful to you for the rest of our lives together."

Remus felt a lump rise in his throat. Envy burned in his heart and his fingers itched to wrap between Lyon's, but he was so absorbed in the ceremony that he couldn't move. Lily held James' left hand in both of hers, kissed the palm, then the back, and then slipped a simple gold band onto his fourth finger.

"I love you, and want to call you my husband."

The rabbi and minister turned to James, who grabbed both of Lily's hands tightly. The grin from before was gone, and it was replaced with the most intense look Remus had ever seen on his friend's face.

"Lily, I _never_ thought I'd meet anyone like you," he began. "When I was fifteen, I thought I would end up just settling for the first girl who would take me even if I didn't love her. But then you walked into my life and destroyed every notion I'd ever had about love. I never thought I could feel this way about anyone or anything. I love you so much. And I will stay faithful to you for the rest of my life."

A twitch behind James made Remus glance over at Black. The ghost of a smirk was fading to a more normal-looking, polite smile. Annoyed with Black for distracting him, Remus turned his attention back to James, who had Lily's left hand in both of his. He replicated her actions, kissing her hand and sliding another gold band onto her ring finger.

A moment later, the Lily that Remus had grown up with was gone, practically erased from existence. The angry girl who had barely managed to put aside her own problems to help Remus with his wasn't visible to him anymore. This woman before him was happy, as evidenced by the enormous smile on her face, as her husband dipped her and kissed her passionately. She was laughing instead of scowling. She was silly instead of serious. Lily Evans was gone. Lily Potter took her place. And Remus couldn't help but feel a little lost.

xxx

The reception was unbearable.

Remus tried to be happy and conversational, but he simply couldn't. The Lily he'd known was gone for good. He'd realized he didn't even know this Lily anymore. He was afraid that she would see it, and he couldn't bear it.

So he sat off in a corner sipping on champagne with Lyon beside him, quiet. After nearly thirty minutes of this, Lyon got up and walked away without a word. Remus didn't mind. He liked the solitude. He looked around.

Lily and James had chosen a beautiful place for their reception. They'd rented out a ballroom on the highest floor of a fancy hotel downtown. The best part was that there was a balcony encircling the entire ballroom so that almost every door lead outside. The inside of the ballroom was themed red and gold, with dim faux candlelight lighting. The circular tables that surrounded the dance floor were laden with deep red tablecloths, real silver plates and utensils, and crystal wine glasses. It was exceptionally fancy, and Remus had no idea where in the world Lily got the money for it all.

There was a small band playing – jazz instruments wailing – on the eastern side of the dance floor. Lily and James were dancing wildly; Lily's hair was beginning to fall out of its elegant, carefully placed disarray and into _real _disarray. But she didn't care. And she She danced with James, her father, Mr. Potter, Black, numerous family members and friends… Every now and then she would pause and look around as though confused, but then someone would steal her attention back and swoop her into another dance.

'_I wonder if she's looking for me,' _thought Remus wistfully. _'Maybe she thinks that I left already without congratulating her.'_ His stomach clenched at the thought of talking to Lily. He was certain that it could never feel the same again, not now that she wasn't Lily Evans anymore.

"What are you doin' over here all by your lonesome?" Remus jumped and looked up to see a man he'd never seen before. He was a bit rough looking with a scar under his eye and badly chopped brownish hair, but he seemed genuinely curious as to why Remus was sitting in the darkest corner of the ballroom by himself, moodily.

"Avoiding people," replied Remus honestly. The man looked surprised, but then sat beside him.

"Who you avoiding?"

"Just some people," replied Remus. "It's not a big deal."

"It is!" said the man. "Lily came over and asked me to get you up. She wants to dance with you, but she can't get two feet without someone grabbing her off in some direction or other. So when I got a dance she told me to come find you."

"Do you know me?" asked Remus, confused. The man shrugged.

"We've met before," he said. "Benjy Fenwick. Lily's cousin." Comprehension dawned on Remus as memories resurfaced.

"Oh yes," he said. "I remember now. It's been a long time. You've changed quite a bit." Benjy grinned.

"Yeah, and you haven't changed a jot, Remus Lupin. Now get up, this song's almost over and Lily will kill us both if you don't dance with her. Up!" Benjy stood and pulled Remus up by the arm, pushing him toward the dance floor as the song changed. Tripping over his feet and trying very hard not to fall, Remus stumbled out onto the dance floor and into a pair of thin, pale arms.

"Remus!" said Lily happily. "Good, Benjy found you. I was wondering where you'd gone off to! Let's dance!" Without waiting for a reply, Lily pulled Remus close and wrapped her arms determinedly around his neck. Remus couldn't fight a smile – he'd been wrong, the same pushy, insistent Lily he'd known was still there.

"Congratulations," said Remus as he placed his hands on Lily's waist.

"Thank you," said Lily, leaning her head on his shoulder. "Ugh, this whole thing is so exhausting. I'm just so tired."

"You've got to be having enough fun to keep you awake," said Remus.

"Oh yes," she said. "But soon I'll have to walk around and thank everyone for coming and whatnot. I don't see why I have to do that. It's _my_ wedding. Can't I just send thank you notes?"

"You have to do that too," said Remus grinning. Lily groaned.

"You'll have to help me," she said.

"Absolutely not," he said. "That's James' job now." Lily grinned evilly.

"That is a fantastic point," she said. "What would I do without you, Remus?"

"I have no idea."

Lily moved her arms around Remus' middle, hugging him to her. "I've missed you a lot these last few months," she said. "I wish we were able to do things more often. But you and I are both working, and you're with that guy –"

"Lyon."

" – and James and I were dating what busy and whatnot. I'm so glad you're here. I have so much to talk to you ab-"

"Mind if I cut in?" Remus turned with an amused smile on his face to tell whoever it was that had tapped his shoulder that no, they couldn't, because he was dancing with the bride right now. But instead of being face to face with James or Benjy or some random relative of someone's, he was face to face with Black. He froze and his eyes flew wide. Black's expression was controlled but open, friendly. There was an easy-going smile on his face, but his grey eyes were dancing with excitement –

"Sure," said Remus, dropping Lily immediately and walking away without another word.

'_Stupid, stupid, stupid,'_ Remus thought angrily to himself. _'Should've known that the bloody bastard would try to fucking… Stupid bloody… Can't even talk to people without him forcing himself everywhere… Fucking shit.'_

Incoherent thoughts swirled in his mind and he headed desperately for the restroom. He pushed the door open violently and headed over to the sinks. He splashed some cold water on his face, breathing deeply.

'_Calm.'_

"Remus?"

Wiping his eyes, Remus stood and saw his father standing in the doorway.

"Yeah?"

"Your mother and I are heading out. It's past midnight already."

"Alright," said Remus. "Talk to you later." His father nodded to him and left. Remus took a deep breath and knew exactly what he needed – a smoke.

Probably not the smartest thing for a lupus patient to do, but he'd picked up the habit from Lyon after they'd begun dating. It was surprisingly relaxing, and Remus didn't smoke too often. Less than once a week. Usually. But this was absolutely needed. He walked back out into the ballroom and out the nearest doors, ignoring the new, much quicker song that was playing.

The glass doors flew open away from him and, ignoring everything around him but the fresh air, the night sky, and the box of cigarettes in his pocket, Remus walked over to the iron-fenced ledge and leaned against it. He pulled out the cigarettes, stuffed one quickly into his mouth and lit it, taking a deep drag.

"Ahh," he sighed, relief spreading through him. _'Calm.'_

"When did you start smoking?" asked a horribly familiar voice casually. Turning his head to the right, Remus saw Black leaning against the ledge looking directly at him. Remus ignored him. He would not be pushed away, and this moment of relief would not be taken from him.

"Did you hear me?"

"Yes, I'm ignoring you," Remus replied without meaning to. Black just chuckled.

"Sorry," he said. "Didn't realize I was interrupting some fantastic solitary reverie there. I just thought you were out here having a smoke."

"I'm trying to."

"So when _did _you start? You were always so against it before." Remus' spine was tense and his hands were balled into fists. This was _not_ acceptable. But no. He took a drag. Calm, calm. He only had to spend this evening in Black's company. He'd known that beforehand. Calm. Just reply, and the bastard would eventually shut up.

"November," said Remus shortly, not looking at Black.

"Ah," said Black. "I started in early September. Right when… school started."

"Fucking hell," muttered Remus to himself, too low for Black to hear. Was Black going to have a whole conversation of post-break up innuendos? Remus wasn't sure he could handle it without punching Black in the face.

"So how have you been?"

"Fantastic," said Remus.

"You didn't used to be this laconic."

"Well, I don't really feel like talking to you much."

"Why not?" asked Black. "I mean, it's been a long time. Can't we catch up?"

"No, we can't," said Remus. "And I'm not going to go into _why_ here. You bloody well know why."

"Alright, we don't have to catch up," said Black easily, taking another drag and blowing the smoke out through his nostrils. He leaned his head back over the edge of the fence. "You know, I don't think smoking is one of your best ideas," he commented. "I mean, that has to be worse on you than healthy people."

"It probably is," said Remus, taking a long drag and looking out over the city.

"I don't think you should smoke."

"Yeah, well, you also can't tell me how to live my life. So there you go."

"There's no good reason to put yourself more at risk for even further illness, Remus," said Black seriously. "You're ill enough. Please don't put your health at risk."

"Why would you care?" asked Remus, annoyed, flicking bits of ash down into the darkness twelve stories below.

"What?" asked Black, and Remus couldn't help but look at him. He looked genuinely surprised and confused. "What do you mean, why would I care? Of course I care!"

"You've got no reason to," said Remus, looking away again. "We're over. You're not in my life, and I'm not in yours. There's no reason for you to even _think_ about me."

"That's ridiculous," said Black. "I think about you every day."

"Yeah, probably regretting not figuring out something worse to have done to me, eh?" snarled Remus. His patience was fraying quickly. He did _not_ want to talk to Black again. Ever. "I suppose you sit about and remember the _priceless_ look on my face when I saw you."

"Whoa," said Black, his voice suddenly very serious. "Don't ever say that. Look, Remus, there is _nothing_ I regret more than what I did to you. If I could change anything, I would never have taken that job. Or I would've quit the moment we got together. I should have known that you are worth any amount of poverty or fear. I was just bloody stupid. No excuses."

"Good, because there are no excuses," said Remus, furious. "You broke my fucking heart, and now what? You expect me to just forgive you?"

"No, but I was hoping maybe you'd talk to me a little," said Black. "Maybe let me explain."

"You explained before," said Remus flatly. "Now you've just had seven months to perfect your lies."

"Just let me apologize."

"I don't give a damn what you do," said Remus, bringing the cigarette back to his lips for one final drag. He flicked the butt of the cigarette away into the darkness and sighed. Then, suddenly, there was a warm hand on his back.

"Get the fuck off me!" he shouted, ripping himself away from Black and glaring at him, disgusted. "Don't you fucking _dare_ touch me! How can you even… What the fuck is _wrong_ with you?"

"Remus," began Black, but Remus wasn't listening. He was tired of hearing his own name polluted by Black's lips. It made him want to hurl.

"_No!_" he seethed. "You fucking cheated on me, more times than anybody can fucking count! Your fucking job was cheating on me! Give me one good fucking reason to ever listen to anything you have to say ever again. _Try._"

"Because I love you," said Black simply. Remus stared at him, incredulous.

"What the fuck did I ever see in you?" Remus asked himself aloud. "Jesus Christ. Get away from me. _Stay_ away from me." With that, Remus turned and headed back into the ballroom, fumbling with his cigarettes. He dropped the box and a few cigarettes fell out, scattering across the floor. Annoyed and grumbling, Remus reached out to pick them up, but another hand got there first.

"You smoke?" said James, looking confused.

Relieved that it was only James, Remus nodded.

"Is that… the best idea?" asked James, raising an eyebrow.

"Probably not," admitted Remus. "But right now… I just can't bring myself to care."

"You mean right this moment, or right now in the scope of your life?"

"Scope."

"Ah," said James. "Well, don't let this very moment be ruined by your shitty decisions! Come on, let's dance!"

"What?" asked Remus, confused, as James yanked him onto the dance floor and pulled him into a dance, just as a very fast song was ending. Over James' shoulder, Remus saw Lily bursting into laughter and Remus couldn't help but turn bright red.

"Get into it, Remus!" said James, wrapping his arms around Remus' waist as the song changed to something much slower and more intimate. Finally bursting into laughter himself, Remus let his arms slink over James' back, pulling him as close as possible.

"Whoa," said James. "Is this how it's done for you?"

"Every time," whispered Remus into James' ear. James threw his head back and laughed.

"Ohh, Remus!" he shouted. "Why did I marry so quickly?"

"Don't turn my husband gay!" shouted Lily, who was holding onto her cousin Benjy for support, though he was laughing, too. Deciding to push this ridiculousness as far as possible, Remus began swaying his hips.

"Oh Remus!" yelled James, swaying along with him. "This dance is blowing my mind! Move those hips, mmm!" Remus held James tight to his chest by James' lower back and as the song climaxed, much to Remus' surprise, James quite suddenly dipped him and kissed him – right on the lips!

"Oh, bloody hell, James!" spluttered Remus, fighting to pull himself onto his feet again. "Jesus Christ! Really?" But everyone, including James, was laughing, and Remus simply wiped his mouth, pushed James away, and grabbed two glasses of champagne, using one to wash out his mouth and actually drinking one of them.

Remus shook his head, laughing. Bloody James _would_ kiss him in public. He snorted and felt an overpowering desire to brush his teeth. James bloody Potter… Remus hadn't realized how much he really liked James. He took another glass of champagne and sat down beside Benjy Fenwick.

"Hi," said Remus pleasantly.

"Hey there, Remus" said Benjy. "Not sure if you know this bloke here – best man, Sirius Black. Remus Lupin – Lily's best friend when they were kiddos." Remus froze.

'_Damn it!'_ he thought.

"No, we know each other," said Black evenly. "We go to the same school, the four of us. We all used to hang out, but we haven't as much lately."

"How come?" asked Benjy curiously.

"Lets of reasons," said Remus through gritted teeth.

"Yeah, Lily and James moved in together," said Black. "I moved off campus, and I think Remus did, too."

"Yes, I moved in with my boyfriend," said Remus.

"Boyfriend?" repeated Black, eyes suddenly wide and a look of horror on his face.

"Yes, my _boyfriend_," said Remus. "Got a problem?"

"I would hope we're living in a time where we've gotten over the whole 'gay' issue," said Benjy, frowning. "It really is a non-issue, honestly. If you've got a problem, Sirius, it really doesn't affect you."

"No, I've got no problems with Remus being gay," said Black. "I am myself."

"Really?" Benjy was surprised. "Well, that was unexpected. You two should go out sometime!"

"I have a boyfriend," said Remus again. "I'm really not interested." Benjy laughed.

"Ouch, Sirius, that must have burned!"

"You've no idea," said Black, looking at Remus with a hint of betrayal in his eyes. For the first time, Remus felt a prick of guilt in his heart. He was using his current relationship with Lyon to hurt Black. That wasn't really _fair_… Especially since Remus didn't want Black to know _anything_ about his life, ever again. But he hadn't been able to stop himself… He bit his lip and flexed his fingers nervously.

"Yes, well," said Remus before realizing he had nothing to say. "Um."

"Oh, Sirius, don't be melodramatic!" said Benjy, still chuckling. "But I'll be back in a moment. The loo." With that, Benjy stood and strode off in the direction of the restrooms., leaving Remus alone with Black. Again. Bugger. He sat for a moment, wondering if he could just get up and leave without saying anything, and just as he was about to put his plan into action, Black spoke.

"Remus, I'm so sorry for what happened," he said earnestly.

Double bugger.

"I don't know what I was thinking. I don't know why I thought I needed that job more than I needed you. These last seven months have been bloody torture. I… I need you back. Remus, I'll do whatever it takes. Will you… Please, just give me one more chance?"

Remus stared at Black, dumbfounded.

"Are you serious?"

"You know I am," said Black, flashy a cheeky smile and Remus realized with horror that Black thought he might actually agree. Black actually _thought_…

"What," asked Remus, practically growling with fury, "about the word 'disgusting' do you not understand?"

"Wha -?" began Black, brow furrowed, eyes puzzled.

"You _DISGUST_ me!" shouted Remus. "I'm with someone else, I'm finally getting somewhere where I might actually be _happy, _and you… You have _no _respect for that, or for me. You're _disgusting_."

"No, Remus, please, I can change! I'll prove it to you! Let me prove it to you!"

And just like that, a dam burst in Remus' chest. Feelings he'd repressed for months, like pain, fear, helplessness, cascaded to his heart and burned against his eyes. He looked at Sirius, and the magnetism in his heart pulled him toward the dark haired man. With that, every sweet memory he'd tried to lose to time came back, sharper and more painful than ever before.

Strong arms wrapped around him at night.

A ghost of lips against his neck.

And a whisper in his ear, just before he fell asleep, of _I love you_.

But it was a _lie_, the longing he felt was a _lie_, and the man before him, nearly in tears, jabbering on about reform was a _liar_. So it didn't matter what Remus felt, or wanted, or didn't want. He would not live in a world of lies, where nothing was sacred and nothing was true; where life and love were measured in fictional sentiments and manipulative gestures.

"No," he said calmly, heart aching as he spoke. "No. I won't come back to you."

Sirius stopped midsentence and looked at him imploringly. "But Remus –"

"No, Sirius," said Remus flatly. "It's over."

xxx

Remus didn't know what happened after that, until he found himself on the dance floor safely and carefully encircled by Lyon's arms. Usually, this felt good, warm, and welcoming. But now it felt hollow and stale. There was so little of Remus' life that was for certain anymore. He sniffed into Lyon's shoulder.

"Remus?" said Lyon softly. "Are you alright?"

"M'fine," Remus muttered. He would never tell Lyon about what Sirius had said or what Remus had felt. It didn't matter anyway – he'd chosen Lyon, and it would stay that way until a day Lyon chose to end it. It did not matter that Remus wished that Lyon was a little leaner, a little darker, a bit wittier.

Lyon was someone Remus was _certain_ of in his world of uncertainty. He'd never given Remus a moment's doubt to his affections. In fact –

"Remus?"

"Mm?"

"I just want you to know," said Lyon quietly, "I know I've told you a bazillion times, but I really like you. I'm really glad that you… let me into your life. I know I can be a bit of a prick sometimes. It adds to the charm though, am I right or am I right?"

Remus forced a chuckle.

"But I'll be here for you," Lyon continued. "As long as you want me."

Remus wanted to scream out loud, to scream that he wanted both of them, to scream that it was all so unfair. Why? _Why_ had Sirius wrecked him, turned him into a shell of a human being who couldn't be truly happy with anyone else? Why had Lyon been able to pick him up, hold him, and fix him enough to think that maybe – just maybe – he'd be able to be happy again? And why, mother of god, why had Sirius Black been able to destroy him all over again?

xxx

" – a serious problem!" Remus jumped and looked around. He'd fallen asleep in his elective class, a modern politics class, yet again. He looked at his professor guiltily, but Professor Crouch was in a heated debate with two of the other students, a tiny, skinny idealistic girl named Dorcas Meadowes and skinny, gnarled boy called Selwyn.

"I agree," said Selwyn, giving Meadowes a disgusted sneer. "The Jews _are_ a problem. At least the Dark Lord is trying to fix it."

"You are _revoltingly_ intolerant!" exclaimed Meadowes, her cheeks flushed with anger. "What have the Jews ever done to you?"

"It's not what they've done to me personally, it's how they contaminate the human race. I would say that that in itself is grounds to exterminate them. You exterminate rats and ants the same way," said Selwyn evenly.

"These are _human beings_!" shouted Meadowes.

"I'm inclined to agree with Miss Meadowes," said Professor Crouch. "Religion should not be considered 'grounds' for human extermination. These killers deserve their share in kind. Wouldn't you agree, Miss Meadowes, that every atrocity done to the Jews should be repaid equally?"

"Absolutely not," said Meadowes, glaring at Crouch. "Those _Death Eaters_ can kill and maim, but they shouldn't be brutally murdered. They should receive a trial, same as any other criminal."

Remus shuddered. He was tired of hearing about Voldemort. He didn't want to hear any more about death or destruction or horror. Luckily, Crouch had to end the debate there, as their time was up.

"Next week we'll continue with this topic. I expect more of you to jump in, as well! Keep up with the times, or you'll be left behind!" Groaning, Remus stood.

'_Bloody Crouch,'_ he thought, exhausted. _'Ends every class with the same corny motto.'_

He picked up his rucksack and slung it over his shoulder. He could still feel the exhaustion from the wedding in his bones. He hadn't gotten home until six in the morning, where he and Lyon had fallen into bed and asleep within seconds. But work and class called them awake too soon, and Remus was barely functioning, as he was still sleep deprived three days later.

Remus climbed the stairs slowly, imagining himself in under twenty minutes – asleep in his bed, catching up on the hours lost over the weekend. Homework would have to wait a few hours, because Remus was going to bed. He smiled and pushed open the door to the street.

The sight waiting for him was somewhere between amusing and horrifying.

Red-faced, Lyon was standing with his hands balled into fists, arguing with Sirius Black. From the looks of it, the two were nearing blows, and – as Remus remembered very clearly the last time Lyon and Sirius had fought – Remus knew he needed to step in quickly, otherwise Lyon would end up injured.

"Hey!" he yelled, sprinting over to them and pushing Lyon away from Sirius. "What are you doing?" he asked Lyon.

"This prick thinks he can just –"

"Talk to him?" snapped Sirius. "I can talk to him!" Remus groaned internally.

"What do _you_ want?" he demanded. "Just say whatever you have to say and leave." Without a word, Sirius extended his arm and opened his palm to Remus. There was a small silver pill case in his hand.

"You left your extra one at the wedding," said Sirius. "I wanted to give it back to you."

"So you thought you'd stalk him?" growled Lyon. "Back off. He's not your boyfriend."

"Why didn't you just give it to Lyon, or Lily?" asked Remus, ignoring Lyon's comment.

"Because I wanted to see you," said Sirius simply. Remus groaned aloud this time and Lyon snorted.

"Give it up," sneered Lyon. "He's over you. He's moved on to _bigger_ and _better_ men." Lyon snaked an arm around Remus' waist, and Remus did not stop him, even though the momentary flash of pain in Sirius' eyes made Remus' heart ache.

"Well, I just came to give you your pill case," said Sirius quietly. Remus said nothing, and Lyon grabbed it out of Sirius' hand and shoved it roughly into his pocket. The three of them stood in silence for a moment, and just as Sirius turned to leave, Lyon spoke again.

"Wait," he snarled. "How did you find out Remus' class schedule?"

The thought _'Good question,'_ fluttered briefly through Remus' mind before he registered the look of surprise on Sirius' face.

"Facebook," he said. "He said he was going to this class, and I know one of the other students in the class. They let me know where it was at and what time."

"So who was helping you stalk him?" asked Lyon. "So I can –"

"Never do this again, Black," said Remus. "What I told you at the wedding is my final word. It's over."

"Besides, being stalked isn't really a big turn on," said Lyon. But Sirius just shook his head.

"It can't be over, Remus," said Sirius. "I won't give up on you yet. I know I sound kind of creepy right now, and your meathead of a boyfriend is right – this was too far – but I won't give up. I'll wait for you. I'll do whatever I can to earn your forgiveness."

"Thanks, that's great," said Remus, losing patience. He was tired, and damn it, Sirius Black would not accept the message. "But I never want to see you again."

"I'll wait until never has passed then," said Sirius. Lyon groaned.

"Ugh, you are revoltingly corny," he said. "Come on, Remus. Let's go home." Remus nodded and linked his fingers with Lyon's. They turned away from Black and walked to the bus stop. While waiting for their bus, Lyon pulled out the silver pill case and silently handed it to Remus. Remus took it in between his fingers for a moment and contemplated hurling it away from him, far off into the street. It would bang against a few cars, but then would be crushed beneath a huge grocery store truck. He closed his hand around the pill case tightly, arm tensed.

But he simply slipped the case into his own pocket and let out a sigh. Emotions swirled around in his heart and head, confusing, a mix of happy and sad, relief and regret, confidence and dread.

Lyon wrapped his arm around Remus' shoulders and kissed his forehead lightly.

"Here's ours," he muttered, and the two of them shambled onto the bus that would take them home.

xxx

_Author's Note: Happy Thanksgiving, even if you aren't American/repressed Native American from the 1600's! _

_First of all, I'm so sorry. XD When I said it would be four months til I updated, I thought I was exaggerating. Turns out college is REALLY REALLY time-consuming. I've been writing this chapter for weeks now, and I only just finished it TODAY. Let me know if there are any grammar/spelling mistakes, because I wanted this to be a Thanksgiving Day Present for everybody. _

_Secondly, I really hope you enjoy this. My outline is still, uh, uncompleted, but it's in the works and I know the ending, so that's good, right? :) _

_So, basically: Glee has been sucking except for the episodes with Darren Criss, WHICH BTW IS THE BEST THING EVER, DARREN CRISS ON GLEE! I like Katy Perry all well and good and whatever, but Darren's version of _Teenage Dream _is FANTASTIC! :D Also they totally made Kurt a main character because he got nominated for that Emmy. Whatever, Kurt is cool. More Darren please! _

_Well, not much else to say at the moment. I hope everybody has a great holiday, and starts listening to Christmas music and putting up decorations for whatever seasonal holiday you celebrate! _

_Thankful reviews? Lol _


	13. Chapter 13

Truth, Lies, and Sirius Black

Chapter 13

xxx

It was a good day, Remus decided. He lay comfortably on the couch, encased by Lyon's arms, leaning on Lyon's chest, watching television. Classes were about to end for exams, and this was Remus' only night off from studying for the next week. So Lyon had picked him up from campus and they had gone out to dinner, and it had been superbly romantic, and Remus found he couldn't be happier as he lounged against his lover's heartbeat.

"What show is this?" asked Lyon loudly, breaking into Remus' quiet inner peace.

"I'm not sure," he replied. "I've never seen it."

"It's pretty funny. Have you been watching?"

"Not really paying attention," said Remus.

"It's funny," repeated Lyon.

Remus did not respond, but snuggled closer to Lyon, breathing deeply, allowing himself to float off into his own happiness again.

"Bloody - _damn_ it," snarled Lyon as a shrill, piercing cry went off from the direction of the kitchen. _Ringgggg, ringggggg_.

"I'll get it," said Remus, mourning the loss of his inner peace. "It's probably my mum anyway." He heaved himself up off the couch and ambled into the kitchen, his arms swinging, grabbing the phone and pulling it up to his ear. "Hello?"

Where he expected a calm, perhaps pleased reply of '_hello'_ back to him, he received nothing short of a bombshell. He dropped the phone in horror and hurried back into the living room. Dashing about, grabbing a coat and keys and shoes, Remus could not believe it. It could not have happened, not now, not ever, not _yet_.

"Remus? What's the matter? Remus!"

"I'll be back later!" he called as he slammed the door. He'd never driven this fast in his life on the few occasions he'd been the driver of a car since coming to the university. Praying that there were no police around, praying that she was alright, Remus sped along the backstreets until he reached Lily and James' apartment.

Parking hastily, Remus jumped out of the car and took the steps two at a time until he reached their door. He slammed his fist against it and a moment later, a grave-looking James opened it.

"Is she alright?" asked Remus breathlessly. James took a deep breath and nodded.

"She's okay, physically," he muttered. "But she's still… freaking out."

Relief washed over Remus and he couldn't stop the shaky laugh he exhaled as he said, "Well, that's understandable." James nodded again and moved back so that Remus could enter the apartment. Remus did so and looked left into the living room. Lily was seated on their couch, a blanket wrapped around her shaking shoulders and a cup of what Remus guessed to be tea in her twitching hands. She was staring straight ahead at nothing. Slowly, Remus sat next to her and gently pulled the mug from her grasp and put it on the floor. Her breathing was sporadic, coming in bursts and then short quick puffs.

"Lily," he whispered, "Lily, it's okay. I'm Remus. You're safe now."

"Remus," she moaned, and then she pulled him close to her into a bone-breaking hug and began sobbing onto his shoulder. James walked around and sat on Lily's other side, looking relieved.

"Tell me what happened," he whispered, rubbing circles onto her back as she cried.

"V-V-Voldemort," she sobbed. "V-Voldemort. At th-the grocery store."

Remus looked up, intending to give James a questioning look, but he found himself looking at Sirius instead. Betraying no surprise, Remus looked away into Lily's hair.

"The store has local owners," explained Sirius, "in a Jewish neighborhood. He was targeting it. They were there with Lily's parents, and I'm pretty sure Voldemort knows that they got away. Lily's hard to miss with that hair."

Remus held Lily tighter in his arms. "You can't go back there," he said. "Don't go back there."

"There's nothing to go back to," said Sirius. "He burned it down."

"_What_?" gasped Remus, his head snapping back to look at Sirius. "How can he get away with this?"

"The police are afraid of him," replied Sirius with an undisguised look of disgust on his face. "And he has the support of some of the _oldest_ and _purest_ families in the country. Mine, for example."

"What?" repeated Remus, horrified.

"My father made a statement in the paper, about how he's so proud to be living in an age where someone is finally taking control of the "domestic problem" involving immigrants. Some bollocks like that."

"I'm sorry," said Remus quietly. Sirius shrugged, but his face was wooden.

"I should be used to it," was all he said.

As they spoke, Lily calmed in Remus' arms. She was breathing evenly and her tight grip had changed from clinging for dear life to a more comforting embrace.

"Remus?" she said in a small voice.

"Yes?"

"Will you stay here tonight? Please?" Remus paused, uncertain. He had no problem staying for Lily, but he wasn't sure if Sirius was staying as well. "_Please_?" begged Lily into his ear, and Remus felt his reservations crumble.

"Of course," he said quietly. "I just need to call Lyon, okay? I ran out of the apartment and he's probably worried." Lily nodded shakily as she pulled away from Remus, though she held his right hand tight in her left as though she were afraid he would run away if she let him go. Remus smiled at her.

"Don't worry, Lily," he said. "I'm here for you."

xxx

Remus gripped the newspaper in his hands so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. His eyes were wide with horror. It could not be – he'd just seen the man a few weeks ago! There was a lump in his throat and he felt his stomach bubble uncomfortably. He dropped the newspaper back onto the doorstep outside his shared apartment and bolted for the bathroom, throwing up nothing but stomach acid.

Shakily, he stood and went back to the door. He picked up the paper again and looked miserably at the headline:

_You-Know-Who Strikes Again: Victim 22-Year-Old Benjy Fenwick_

Trembling, Remus brought the newspaper inside. He collapsed onto one of the wooden kitchen chairs and slowly began reading the article.

_On Friday evening, the terrifying serial killer – you know who we mean – struck again. It has been publicized repeatedly that You-Know-Who has been targeting those of the Jewish faith, and Fenwick was not an exception. Fenwick was found murdered in his home Saturday morning by his neighbor. It appears that Fenwick was beaten before being stabbed repeatedly with a knife –_

Remus could not read any farther, partially because his hands were shaking so badly, and partially because the tears in his eyes made the words blur together. He dropped the paper and let his head fall onto the table.

When would it end? Why did people continuously have to die? All Remus wanted was a normal, happy life. He just wanted the world to be at peace with itself. Why were there people who needed to hurt others? Remus heaved and sobbed, unable to bear the pain in his heart. Benjy Fenwick, Lily's cousin, a friend since childhood, was gone because of this insane murderer, and the hate in Remus' heart was unmatched by anything he'd ever felt. He realized, then and there, that someone needed to fight Voldemort. Someone needed to stand up to him. Someone needed to call him _Voldemort_, not _You-Know-Who_ like the papers and the reporters.

But what could he do himself? He put his face in his hands. If he stood up to Voldemort himself, made a spectacle of himself just to remind people that they needed to be strong as well, he would just get himself killed. And getting himself killed was low on his priority list. It was directly below spending time with Sirius. He needed to find a way to fight, though. He could not sit back and do nothing when people he loved were in such danger.

And then, as if it were a message from an angel, Remus' laptop computer made a noise to let him know that he had an email.

Tears still running down his cheeks, Remus pulled the computer over towards him, rubbing his nose and sniffling. He noticed that his professor of philosophy and ethics, Professor Dumbledore, had sent the email. Remus read the first sentence, checked to see to whom the email had been sent, and then continued reading the note.

_My students, _it said,

_You are not unaware of the dangerous times we live in. You are not unaware that people are dying – maybe even people you know and love. But I believe that you, this group, may and must be trusted with the future of this country. I would like to call you to arms, quite literally. There must be a show of force against this killer. Voldemort must be stopped. I will be holding office hours on Monday evening at 7 pm. You are all invited._

_Sincerely,_

_Albus Dumbledore_

xxx

Remus leaned against the brown-brick wall casually and pulled out a cigarette, placing it on his lips and clicking his lighter. He took a long drag and tried to calm his jittery nerves. He took a deep breath and looked over towards the entrance to the synagogue twenty feet from him. The service was about to end, and Remus was watching, waiting, hoping and praying that nothing would happen.

It was his first mission since joining the Order of the Phoenix – the secret society that Professor Dumbledore had invited him to join. He had brought Lily and James along to the first meeting, and James had insisted on inviting Sirius, and now they were _all_ devoted members of the society.

Remus had been surprised to see that he had known a few of the people who wanted to join the Order – his old roommate, Peter, had joined, along with the Prewett brothers and Frank Longbottom and his fiancé, Alice.

He also had the pleasure of meeting a few teachers from various departments around the university – Professor Moody, of the Criminal Justice department, and Professor Hagrid, of the veterinary department.

On this particular mission, Remus had a partner and her name was Marlene McKinnon. Marlene was a small woman, but her face was sharp and hard, and Remus had to admit that she intimidated him, even though she was a good foot shorter than he was. Their assignment was to stand outside the synagogue and guard it. If Voldemort or his supporters showed up to do any damage, they were to call both the police and the rest of the Order, which was stationed all around the city, waiting for a distress signal.

"Nervous?" asked Marlene, as she checked her watch. "The service should be ending in five minutes."

"A bit," replied Remus.

"What kind of gun did you bring?" she asked conversationally.

"Excuse me?" he said, staring at her incredulously.

"What kind of _gun_ did you bring?" she repeated.

"Gun?"

"Don't tell me you don't have a gun!" she exclaimed, obviously exasperated. "Ugh, Remus, this is a _war_! You don't have time to play nice if you want to survive! If any of those Death Eaters show up, you had better believe they'll have guns. Probably worse. Flame throwers and tasers and chainsaws and who knows what! And you don't have _anything_ to defend yourself?"

"I'm a fast runner," muttered Remus, indignant. Marlene snorted.

"It won't be good enough," she assured him. "Now shut up, the service is ending." Remus looked over at the synagogue, and indeed, people were spilling onto the cobblestoned street, talking and laughing loudly, absorbed in their own world.

The people were dispersing. The first people had reached the nearest corner. Remus let out a sigh of relief. And that was when he heard the first scream.

In an instant, the entire alleyway was on fire and screams erupted around Remus. He wrenched his phone from his pocket and held it up to his ear, and he heard himself screaming into it.

"HELP!" he shouted. "HELP, THE SYNAGOGUE ON THIRD STREET! _HELP, THEY'RE HERE!_" He couldn't hear whoever was on the other line, but he didn't care. He just kept shouting. He saw Marlene shut her own cell phone and set off into the fire, pulling a handgun from her belt.

Remus tried to call after her, but he wasn't sure if he was actually screaming or if it was in his mind. He heard shots fired, and he felt himself run toward the fire after her. He was screaming Marlene's name into the phone, looking around for her, but all he could see were figures in black robes with all the gruesome weapons that Marlene had described to Remus mere moments before.

Someone grabbed Remus' arm and Remus looked at the face attached; it was a young man he'd never known, and never would know. There was blood streaming down his face from a disturbing wound on his forehead. His eyes were popping out of their sockets, and his dark, curly hair was in the fist of a robed Death Eater wielding a hatchet.

Remus ripped his arm out of the man's grip in horror and looked away from the scene a second too late as the Death Eater swung the hatchet downward toward the man's head. Remus ran, ran as fast as he could, aiming for nothing in particular, just trying to get _away_.

Then he remembered – Marlene! Frantic, he began searching, his eyes passing over the blood and death around him, desperate to find his partner. He tried calling her name, but it was no use over the din of screams. Gunfire was everywhere around him, and Remus had no idea how he was still alive. Ducking around bodies and figures, he searched and searched. He had nearly reached the door to the synagogue when he finally saw her.

Marlene had her gun in her hand and it was pointed between the eyes of a tall, pale, but handsome man with dark hair. Remus knew immediately who it was, though he had never seen his face before. This was _him_. Voldemort.

Remus couldn't move. He was rooted to the spot, watching in terror as Voldemort expertly avoided her shot and slipped the gun from her hand. He slammed Marlene to the ground and pointed her own gun to the back of her head. Voldemort leaned down and whispered something into her ear.

Suddenly, he felt arms wrap around him, and he was sure he was about to die. One of the Death Eaters had grabbed him, and they were going to kill him, brutally. He would be one of the statistics of this bloody war, one of the causalities, one of the countless nameless faces who were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"Remus, stop – unf – squirming!" said a familiar voice, and Remus relaxed. People were rushing around him, toward the burning synagogue, but Sirius had stopped for him. Sirius took the phone from Remus' hand and closed it.

"I hung up ages ago," he said. "Come on, let's get you out of here. You aren't prepared." Sirius tried to pull Remus away, but Remus couldn't move. His legs were glued to the street and he stared up at Sirius, unable to move but terrified to stay. Sirius saw the expression on Remus' face, and he laid his hand on Remus' cheek. "Shh," he muttered. "I'll keep you safe. I promise." Sirius pulled on Remus' arm until he began walking, and within moments they were running, full speed, away from the battle.

They ran and ran, and Remus wasn't sure if he had run out of breath or not, but he kept running.

"Come on," said Sirius. "Here." He pulled Remus down a tiny alleyway. It was cramped and Remus felt himself pressed against Sirius, but he didn't care. As they gasped for air, Remus let his arms slither around Sirius' shoulders. His gasps for air turned quickly into terrified sobs as Remus clung to Sirius. Sirius held him tightly, letting him cry, allowing him to let go and to feel the pain.

"Marlene," moaned Remus. "Marlene…"

"I know," muttered Sirius, his voice cracking as he rubbed Remus' back. Remus couldn't stop himself. He pressed his body against Sirius', desperate for physical contact to comfort him. He heard Sirius' breath hitch, but he ignored it. He didn't care. He just needed to feel someone against him to remind him that he was still alive, that the fear and pain hadn't swallowed him whole.

Remus leaned his head into the crook of Sirius' neck and tried to calm down. He concentrated very hard on relaxing his body, one section at a time until he finally hung, limp, in Sirius' arms. He gave a great sniff, and Sirius pulled away from him.

"I'm sorry that you had to see all of that," Sirius said gently. "Why weren't you armed? You could have died, and I would have –" He cut off as his throat closed up.

"I didn't understand how… how serious this is," said Remus. "But I know now. Marlene had to _die_ for me to understand something she knew from the start." Tears leaked from Remus' eyes again.

"Does crying make you feel better?" asked Sirius.

"No," said Remus. Sirius didn't laugh. Instead, Sirius brought a hand up to Remus' face and wiped away the remnants of the tears that had cascaded down Remus' face.

"I wish you wouldn't then," he said quietly. Sirius leaned his face close to Remus', and Remus felt his heart speed up. He could feel Sirius' breath against his lips, and a shudder went up Remus' spine. His own breath was shaking as every nerve in his body awoke from a long sleep. He could feel the prick of the cool, evening air and the heat of a burn forming on his hand. He noticed the pain of a blooming bruise where the dead young man had grabbed his arm. And he felt, most acutely, the tingles left behind as Sirius' hands slid up his arms.

"Remus," Sirius muttered.

"No," said Remus, wrenching himself away from Sirius and shoving him back against the alley wall. He gasped for air, leaning against the other wall for support. "No. I'm not with you. I'm not going to cheapen anyone's death with you. I can't be with you. I already told you that. I'm… I'm with Lyon. You need to accept it. And I'm going to go home to him, right now."

Slowly, Remus pushed himself off the wall and edged out of the alleyway. He looked up and down the street. A few cars drove past, but they all ignored Remus as he tried to get his bearings. Remus decided to go right, just to find another street, to figure out where he was. He began walking, but a moment later, Sirius' hand closed around his wrist.

"Remus, wait," he said. "Come on, you're going to wrong way. Let me walk you back to your place."

"No," said Remus. "Just tell me which way to go."

"You're going to need to take the tubes," said Sirius. "Please, let me walk with you. I don't want to worry about you." Remus sighed.

"Fine," he said. "Fine, walk with me."

"Thank you," said Sirius, smiling.

xxx

"Where have you been?" growled Lyon as Remus shut the door behind him. "Do you understand how much I've been worrying? Do you know what _time_ it is? You said that service ended at seven. It's _eleven thirty_, Remus! No call! Nothing! And then I turn on the news at nine and I see that that whacko, Voldemort, was out again tonight _killing people_! I understand that you want to do what's right for our society and all that shit, but I cannot allow this if it's going to get you _killed_!"

As Lyon ranted, Remus had shuffled around the room, dropping clothes and things from his pockets onto the floor, but at this, his back stiffened.

"Excuse me?" he interrupted. "_Allow_ me?"

"That's right," snarled Lyon. "I do not _allow_ you to get yourself murdered for some stupid ideal!"

"I hate to break it to you, but you don't _own_ me," said Remus. "And I refuse to have this conversation right now. You don't know what happened."

"Yeah, and whose fault is that?" asked Lyon. "You're the one who's been out since six playing a hero. Did you know that over ten people died at that synagogue? I was _sure_ one of them was you for a while."

"Thank you for your stunning support," snapped Remus. "I want you to know that I _watched_ several of those people die. And now you're giving me this bullshit? You want to fight _now_? When I've spent the night getting attacked and nearly dying?"

"You know what, Remus? This group is totally unnecessary. You don't need to be involved! You need to stop putting your _life_ at risk for some people you don't even know or care about!"

"Obviously I care about them, otherwise I _wouldn't_ put my life at risk!"

"Shut up, Remus!" shouted Lyon. "Stop acting so pretentious! You're no better than any other man! Don't kid yourself into thinking this stupid cult you've joined will make any difference."

"What do you know?" yelled Remus. "You haven't done anything meaningful! You're years older than me, and all you do is work at a coffee shop and ignore anything that means anything!"

"Maybe I'm just trying to have _fun_ in my life instead of stressing myself out over things I can't change!" retaliated Lyon furiously.

"This is something I can help to change!"

"No it isn't, Remus! You can't change Voldemort! He's going to kill people! You just need to try to make sure he doesn't kill you! And _throwing yourself_ into his line of fire isn't the way to survive his genocide!"

"Some people have to stand for something," spat Remus. "And I won't apologize to _you_ of all people for wanting to do some good in my life. Obviously _you_ don't care about doing good for others."

"You're right," said Lyon. "I don't. And I don't care about _you_ doing good for others. They've done nothing to deserve it. And I want you to stop. Now."

"Well that's too bad," said Remus. "If anything, nearly dying made me even more determined to fight Voldemort. So get used to it." Remus stalked into their bedroom, slammed the door behind him and locked it.

xxx

There was silence in the small classroom in which the Order of the Phoenix had met. Remus tried not to squirm in his chair and examined at the inappropriate drawings on the desk. He felt as though everyone's eyes were on him, pressuring him, _blaming_ him for their loss.

The wooden door in the front right corner of the room creaked open, and Professor Dumbledore entered the classroom with a solemn look on his face. "Good evening," he said, and though his voice was quiet, everyone could hear him. There was a smattering of mumbled 'hello's and 'good evening's throughout the room.

Dumbledore cleared his throat and Remus looked up.

"As I am sure everyone is aware, we have already lost one member," he said. "Marlene McKinnon. She died a hero, defending the people of that synagogue as though she knew and loved them herself. She was brave and fearless." Someone sniffed loudly. "Would anyone like to say a few words?"

"I would," said a ginger-haired man near the back. Dumbledore motioned for him to speak. He stood and looked around for a moment, as though lost, but then he looked at the ginger-haired man to his right and looked up at Dumbledore and began. "Marlene was my brother Gideon's fiancée. They were going to marry in three weeks. I have never known a spunkier or funnier or… or _happier_ girl than Marlene. She was perfect for my brother, and they were going to be so happy. But… now I can say that I have never known someone as selfless, or brave, or inspirational than Marlene." Fabian paused and took a deep, shuddering breath. Remus was sure that there were tears in his eyes, but he couldn't see them. He was staring at the desk again, ashamed. "She… She stood up for what she believed in, and she fucking _died_ for it! So there is no way any of us can back out now! Not now when someone beautiful, and wonderful, and compassionate like Marlene McKinnon has given her _life_ for this cause. No one can back out now…"

Fabian trailed off into silence, and someone began to clap. Remus looked up and saw his old roommate, Peter Pettigrew, clapping in earnest with tears pouring from his eyes.

"Well spoken," he said, and everyone in the room broke into both applause and tears simultaneously. Remus applauded quietly and tried to wipe away his own tears with his elbow. As the clapping subsided, Professor Moody stood and spoke briefly about Marlene's accomplishments in his department. Alice Jones stood and told the Order how Marlene had been there for her for all her years at Hogwarts University so far. And finally, Remus stood.

He could not stop himself, but he stood.

"I didn't… I didn't know Marlene that well," he said. "I only met her once before that night, at the first Order meeting. But we were assigned to that alley, and I thought… I thought that I would make a new friend. And I did. But… But I wasn't ready. I was so stupid. I had no weapons, nothing. I don't know… But I feel like this was my fault, because I did nothing. I did _nothing_… And now…"

"No, Remus." Sirius stood, across the room. "It isn't your fault. It's _Voldemort's_ fault. Last time I checked, you weren't the one who murdered a sweet, lively girl with so much to live for. No. And you _did_ do something – you called the rest of the Order for back up. Without you, we couldn't have saved all the people at that synagogue, and you would be dead, too. It isn't your fault, so don't say it is."

"Agreed," said Gideon Prewett. "It's not your fault, Lupin. Don't blame yourself for the actions of that killer. You are nothing like him. You didn't kill her."

Remus gasped and began to sob. "I should have… I should have been more _prepared_!"

"You should have," agreed Gideon with a steely expression. "But you weren't. And it still isn't your fault that she died."

Lily wrapped her arms around Remus and pulled him back into his chair. "Shh," she said. "Don't think these things about yourself," she whispered. "You are not to blame."

"I should have done more," muttered Remus. "Anything else, anything more…"

xxx

A/N: All I can say about this chapter is… I'm sorry that it's so damn short. I tried so hard to expand it, but this is seriously all there is. This last scene wasn't in my outline AT ALL, but I added it just so I could hit 4000 words. Seriously. Now it's 4500-some, and I literally have nothing else to say about this part. Ugh. This depressing middle part is so tough to write. XP

But hey, here is your update. ENJOY? :P R&R, y'know the drill. Thanks. Love!


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